I can't react to this as a piece of filmmaking. It's too immediate. I'm still trying to formulate my thoughts, but how I feel right now, this moment, is humiliated.
I got up, went outside to my backyard behind my house. My car is in the garage. My life is here around me. My son is playing World of Warcraft, enjoying the last of his Summer before school starts. My 15 year old son.
When this war began, my son was 11. My thoughts were for him most of all from the very start. From the moment those planes crashed in 2001. He was 9 then. Now he's in high school, going through a powerful apathy phase. Where will he be in his life in 3 years? What dreams will he have?
What will the world be like in 3 years?
This documentary tries to decipher the events that led to the chaos that is Iraq today. It's trying to show how Rumsfeld and cronies plotted a debacle. Like many people, it makes me want to scream THOSE FUCKING IDIOTS!
In what possible way was this whole mess a good idea?
Gosh, I have to stop myself, because my rage accomplishes nothing. I am better informed now about the thing I've been trying to block out so I can live my life, pursue my art, do my thing. I have a good job. I have good friends. We talk about the war sometimes but it always ends like this: THOSE FUCKING IDIOTS!
I can't express anything with it. My rage is my only defence from that deeper, more paralyzing feeling: humiliation.
My car, my house, my wife, my son. This life we live is so deeply American whether we think of it that way or not. We are Americans. My father fought in Vietnam and did what he was told and will take his burdens to the grave believing that he had protected me and this way of life. My grandfather was proud to serve in WWII against his own grandfather's country.
This is something we do. I'm from a family of soldiers. We have that thing in us that lets us go there and do that if we have to and live with the consequences, like so many others.
I find it humiliating to think that those soldiers in Iraq are caught in such a mess, hoping they are defending me and my way of life.
It's messy and it sucks, but I can accept that wars need to happen now and again and be grateful to those soldiers who choose to make themselves the vehicles of it.
I feel humiliated that poor leadership and bravado and piss poor management are ruining the chance for those soldiers to console themselves with the fruit of their sacrifices.
I see hatred at work in the world. I see new hatreds being born and nothing can bend these hard, cruel forces but the kind of organization and leadership that many of those interviewed in this film tried to offer.
This documentary doesn't get an answer to the question of why these choices were made. The finger is pointed quite well. The chain of faulty decisions that created the situation are spelled out pretty clearly. A lot of high up people fucked up real bad.
I have nothing good to say about all this. All the best advice in the world can't seem to salvage this situation. The UN advisors who died are an even further humiliation. I'm no armchair general. I wish none of this had ever happened, but then there are too many heads in the sand already.
I don't want to talk about the war. But there you have it. My son will be 18 in three years and I hope that he has his head on straight and knows what he wants more than I did when I was 18. I fear for him. I want to offer him the same protection my father offered me. But how?
If those fucking idiots have left us with no end in sight, then he fledges into an increasingly dangerous world. I wish I could make it safe for him. I wish there were an end in sight. I wish different things had happened.
I'm glad for my way of life, this privledge of raising a family, writing these words on this sweet laptop in my air conditioned attic. Having electricity whenever I want. Clean water. Not being kidnapped in the night. You know, America.