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The Dark Knight
The Dark Knight
'Hancock'-blocked
By usesoap in usesoap Blog
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 "It is all too fitting that the lead in “Hancock” is an amnesiac, for the film in which he is featured can't seem to comprehend just what the hell it is. About halfway through, it suffers a cinematic concussion from which it never regains its former personality. Both portions of this picture might have made an interesting feature given the chance to develop more thoroughly. As it stands, “Hancock” plays out like the most recent dark, brooding film incarnation of “Batman,” but starring Adam West in the form-fitting spandex suit from the TV version. In a world where every summer superhero film is accompanied by Wal-Mart-ready action figure tie-ins, it's rather difficult to envision the kiddies clamoring to buy the “Hancock with Scotch-Swigging Action” in which you can push the button and hear one of eight colorful expletives! Yes, Hancock is the most reluctant of heroes, approaching his duties like a list of household chores rather than ... " [More]
Silent Rage
Silent Rage
Episode VIII: Silent Rage
By usesoap in Natsukashi
"Silent Rage (1982) Rated: R Director: Michael Miller Screenplay: Joseph Fraley Starring: Chuck Norris as Sheriff Dan Stevens Steven Furst as Deputy Charlie Ron Silver as Dr. Tom Halman Toni Kalem as Allison Halem Tagline: “Science created him, Now Chuck Norris must destroy him.” By: Rupert Pupkin (as told to Rob Rector) Pre-screening memories: Before Braddock, before Braddock, before hawking gym equipment, before countless disfiguring facelifts, even before shilling for Mike Huckabee, Chuck Norris was in a Silent Rage! Hot off of seeing Good Guys Wear Black, a young Rupert Pupkin swore he was born to be a karate man. His aspirations may have superceded his ability, but that failed to stop his desire from trying. Take, for example, one particular day in grade school when young Rupert decided to test his abilities. He honed in on a pair of metal double doors that would be the inanimate recipient of his as-yet-untested high kick. In all his years, he knew these doors to ... " [More]
Fire and Ice
Fire and Ice
Episode VII: Fire and Ice
By usesoap in Natsukashi
"Fire and Ice (1983) Rated: R Director: Ralph Bakshi Screenplay: Roy Thomas Gerry Conway Characters: Frank Fazetta Ralph Bakshi Tagline: “Heroic Fantasy Adventure!” By Gurn Blanston Pre-screening memories: The animated fantasy epic Fire and Ice was released in 1983 at a time when I had just finished my fifth or so read through of “The Lord of The Rings” and was starting to move on to other sword and sorcery type books. Eventually this would become a life-long love of sci-fi and fantasy literature. Sure, I had seen all the Star Wars movies, and was a diehard fan of Star Trek, but I was not an avid reader until after I graduated high school. God bless the public school system. Along with reading fantasy and science fiction, I had truly begun to appreciate the art that was paired directly with it through book covers and magazines. Of the artists involved in this genre, Frank Frazetta certainly stood out, from his painting on the first Molly Hatche ... " [More]
Monster in the Closet
Monster in the Closet
Episode VI: Monster in the Closet
By usesoap in Natsukashi
"Monster in the Closet (1987) Rated: PG Directed by: Bob Dahlin Starring Donald Grant: Richard Clark Denise Du Barry: Professor Diane Bennett Claude Akins: Sheriff Sam Ketchum Howard Duff: Father Finnegan Henry Gibson: Dr. Pennyworth Tagline: It’s Out! It’s Out! It’s Out! By Jason Plissken Past Memories: The last time I saw this movie, I was in 7th or 8th grade. Being somewhat of a geek, I always looked forward to watching monster movies on the weekends. There was a period of time during the late 80s that Channel 17(Philadelphia’s first-ever UHF station, WPHL) would show late night monster movies. (Ed. Note – This is where I, too, developed my love for monsters in rubber suits and such, since it aired many a Godzilla movie, as well as the series Ultraman and Johnny Sokko and His Flying Robot). I think the segment was called “Friday Night Frights” (hosted by Bill “Wee Willy” Webber). Saturday afternoons on Channel 48 often ... " [More]
Jaws
Jaws
Episode V: Jaws
By usesoap in Natsukashi
"Film: Jaws Rated: PG Directed by: Steven Spielberg Starring: Roy Scheider: Sheriff Brody Richard Dreyfuss: Hooper Robert Shaw: Quint Tagline: Don’t go in the water By: Efferdent Johnson Past memories: In 1975, I was doing my best to propagate the best hair helmet any pre-teen had ever hoped to wear. My interests were few and my fears were many. Some of which were brought to the surface by a frightening grey machine with a zillion teeth and a thirst for blood. By my tenth year of life, the most frightening movie experiences were the ever-so-scary villains of Disney. I can remember sinking in my seat during Willy Wonka’s boat ride, or almost all of Chitty Chitty Bang AHHHHHHHHH!!! Jaws would never affect me… or so I thought. The chances of me seeing the movie were less than my chances for a Senate seat. My mom would make sure that her young sons would not be turned to evil, sexually confused or exposed to the violence of the cinema. The following sum ... " [More]
Excalibur
Excalibur
Episode IV: Excalibur
By usesoap in Natsukashi
"Excalibur (1981) Rated PG/R Director: John Boorman Written by: Thomas Malory (book), Rospo Pallenberg (screenplay) Starring Nigel Terry: King Arthur Helen Mirren: Morgana Nicol Williamson: Merlin Tagline: No mortal could possess it! No kingdom could command it! By Gurn Blanston Past Memories: When this film was released in 1981 I was still one year away from a driver’s license. Which meant that any movie I saw had to be with my parents, or I had to arrange my own ride and money. Since they had no interest, and I had no ride or funding, I had to wait until 1982, when I had a license and the movie was playing at the local dollar theater, to see it.I went with several like minded friends, by like minded I mean bored and cheap, and we all pressed into the tiny theater with butter saturated bags of popcorn and Bacardi Rum laden soft drinks, (just because we were a bunch of Asteroid playing, Star Trek quoting geeks doesn’t mean we didn’t know how to party,. …whic ... " [More]
Legend
Legend
Episode III: Legend
By usesoap in Natsukashi
"Legend Rated: PG Dir: Ridley Scott Starring: Tom Cruise as Jack Mia Sara as Princess Lily Tim Curry as the Lord of Darkness By Rob Rector Past Memories: In my hometown, there was a gaming store much similar to the “Android’s Dungeon” in The Simpsons. And while there were no morbidly obese employees, they were still woefully hopeless and socially palsied. But they were the gatekeepers for us – ‘us’ being my fellow Dungeons & Dragons-playing geeks, who would walk from our houses when the promise of a new edition of “Dungeon’ magazine would hit the shelves, or the latest 12-sided dice were unveiled to a chorus of breathy gasps. For children of the 80s, there was no ‘World of Warcraft’ in which our medieval-fueled fantasies could be embodied by walking-talking computer-rendered likenesses. It was left to imagination and free time – both of which were in overstock to a suburban, middle-class kid. Perhaps this is why & ... " [More]
Streets of Fire
Streets of Fire
Episode II: ‘Streets of Fire’
By usesoap in Natsukashi
"Download Episode II:Streets of Fire By: Rob Rector Streets of Fire (PG) – 1984 Directed by: Walter Hill Starring: Michael Pare as Tom Cody Diane Lane as Ellen Aim Rick Moranis as Billy Fish Amy Madigan as McCoy Willem Dafoe as Raven Shaddock Tagline: “A Rock & Roll Fable” Personal Pre-screening Recollections: Tonight it what it means to be young indeed! There are some films that come along at just the right time in your life and consume your thoughts, affect your decisions (“What would Indiana Jones do if his mom asked him to clean his room?”) and make you want to be that person on the screen. Tom Cody was one of those people for me. Street of Fire affected me on several levels: Musically : Granted, the film’s most popular tracks are rather weak, resembling some overly embellished piece of pomposity that even Meat Loaf would have snickered at. Soundtrack aside, it was the film’s score that really got to me. I felt hip among ... " [More]
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
Assassin-ine fun
By usesoap in usesoap Blog
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 "This is the “Dilbert” panel I've always wanted to see. A fed-up office drone, sick of the confines of his cubicle, unleashes holy hell on his condescending superiors and clocks a duplicitous colleague in the jaw with his keyboard and heads out for adventure with Angelina Jolie. While “Wanted's” lead Wesley (played by James McAvoy) does just that, his character is taken from a different comic altogether. It's comic origins (based on one by Mark Millar and J. G. Jones) are felt throughout the film's reality-relinquishing first hour, until it turns on itself in the final act and decides to play things with a straight face. If only Cat-bert could have sauntered in to slap some sense into him. Let's start with the good. Wesley's life is torn straight from the pages of “Office Space:” a patronizing supervisor takes special glee in the daily ass-chewing she gives the young man, a co-worker enjoys showing Wesley's girlfriend his “O” face (if ... " [More]
I Am Legend
I Am Legend
A world of his own
By usesoap in usesoap Blog
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 "Alright, Pixar. I've had it. I am past the point of being tired trying to find new and creative ways to use superlatives that are as endlessly creative and fresh as your films. Seriously, does everything you do have to be so superiorly textured and nuanced, inviting hours of “rewatchability?” (There, see? I now have to resort to making up words just to keep up. I hope you can sleep well at night in your money-lined pillows.) “WALL*E” is not a film to watch, it is one to consume. Layered with more craft and care than any film released so far this year. Readers of this paper's film column will no doubt attest to the fact that it is on rare occasion that I report to resoundingly glowing praise or hyperbole often (unless, of course, Adam Sandler is involved – kidding!). But time and time again, I find myself overwhelmed with Pixar's ability to take the most simple of concepts – the childhood love of toys (“Toy Story,” “Toy Story 2&r ... " [More]
The Love Guru
The Love Guru
I'm all outta 'Love'
By usesoap in usesoap Blog
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful. [What do you think?]
 "Since Mike Myers latest abomina... I mean, character, “The Love Guru,” is rather fond of acronyms for followers in his self-help dynasty, let me sum up his film accordingly. Those expecting even the slightest twinkle of comedy from “Wayne's World” or “Austin Powers” are in for a lot of “Crotch References and Agonizing Puns.” If you are a big fan of “Funnies from Anally Released Thunder” jokes or a focus on “Woefully Aggrandizing Narcissism Guffaws,” then “The Love Guru” is right down your darkened alley. In fact, anything below the belt is the go-to source of snickers for Myers here. With the subtlety of a toddler discovering his genitalia for the first time, Myers seems fixated south of the equator, offering more crotch-centric comedy in 90 minutes than Adam Sandler's entire résumé. Myers star as the eponymous self-help expert with aspirations on becoming America's next top spiritual ... " [More]
Iron Man
Iron Man
Green, back
By usesoap in usesoap Blog
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful. [What do you think?]
 "Oh , Kermit T. Frog. What a sage you are. For you have foretold the dilemma facing one similarly hued hero and his battle for acceptance among the masses. Let's take a look at his Magi-like prognostication on a more thorough level to unveil his astute observations concerning the current box office bind concerning one “Incredible Hulk”: It's not that easy bein' green,Having to spend each day the color of leaves. For five years, the not-so-jolly, lime-colored character has been the target of many a nasty fan-boy rant, ever since director Ang Lee decided to saddle the comic book adaptation with Freudian subtext and layer his tale with psychoanalyses better left on the couch than in a mega-watt movie. The film was levelled by hoards of angry basement-dwellers who puffed up like the titular beast and smashed the best way they knew how – through anonymous postings on message boards. In an attempt to rectify the situation, Hulk's owners, Marvel Comics, have opted ... " [More]