Worst Movie Ever

'Worst 'Modern' Retelling of a Classic' DVD Giveaway Contest!

Over the years, Hollywood has felt the need to 'update' many classics.  Whether it's the Grimm Fairytales, Shakespeare or a much-beloved Disney tale, there have been ten terrible adaptations for every good one.  Which one takes the cake for "Worst Modern Retelling of a Classic", and why? 

Share your pick with us, and if we like what you have to say, we'll send you another butchered classic--Warner Brother's Another Cinderella Story starring teen heart-throbs Drew Seeley (no relation to myself--I swear) and Selena Gomez.

Re:'Worst 'Modern' Retelling of a Classic' DVD Giveaway Contest!

The worst modern retelling of a classic should be Whatever it Takes, a teen makeover of Cyrano DeBergerac.  It was one of the flood of teen flicks trying to cash in on the success of She's All That (itself a remake of George Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion).  Of course, Roxanne covered Cyrano DeBergerac in many better ways.  For one, it understood the hero is suppose to be a loser;  teen hunk Shane West played this loser with no fake nose or deformity other than the abilty to play the accordion.  Second, the guy he helps is unsympathetic as played by James Franco, who did go on to better things.  This hurts the film in the sense that we don't struggle in deciding who the girl they desire (the hot "nerd" girl next door) should end up with.  Of course, it takes the hero a long time to go after her since he is at first smitten with the despicable teen queen Franco hooks him up with.  Love is not blind in this story; it is just shallow.

Re:'Worst 'Modern' Retelling of a Classic' DVD Giveaway Contest!

I think Julia Stiles is the queen of starring in horrible modern retellings of classic films and novels.

 O - You beat me to it, but damn, that was one terrible re-imagining of Othello.

Hamlet - Another butchering of Shakespeare. Just bad.

The Prince & Me - No, no, no, no, no.

10 Things I Hate About You - Ok, so I kinda liked this one, but it's here because it contributed to future butcherings like Another Cinderella Story.

The Omen - What could possibly have been improved on the original?

Re:'Worst 'Modern' Retelling of a Classic' DVD Giveaway Contest!

The Bible (1966) - Peter O'Toole as the (drunk) Three Angels; John Houston as God, Noah, and the serpent; Stephen Boyd as Nimrod the nimrod. A remake of a classic book named "The Bible."

also

Thumb Wars: The Phantom Cuticle (1999) - A remake of the classic "Star Wars." I forget which finger or thumb played which character, except that Jim Hope played Commander Cuticle, the Annoying Pilot, and the Effeminate Thumb.

Re:'Worst 'Modern' Retelling of a Classic' DVD Giveaway Contest!

Okay, theres still about 300 modern remakes that completely suck out there no one has mentioned...

Re:'Worst 'Modern' Retelling of a Classic' DVD Giveaway Contest!

mercurial:

 

10 Things I Hate About You - Ok, so I kinda liked this one, but it's here because it contributed to future butcherings like Another Cinderella Story.

 

I think that one was better than She's All That; which also seemed to be just another version of The Taming of the Shrew. I think that's gotta be the most overdone Shakespear. And it's never good.

Re:'Worst 'Modern' Retelling of a Classic' DVD Giveaway Contest!

leeroy711:

I think that one was better than She's All That; which also seemed to be just another version of The Taming of the Shrew. I think that's gotta be the most overdone Shakespear. And it's never good.

Diablo Cody is supposedly doing a treatment of Taming. She had some money available to her for the project via Spielberg and DreamWorks, but that fell through.

Shakespeare used to make up words, and Cody invented "slutwaffle," so maybe she'll do a good job.

Re:'Worst 'Modern' Retelling of a Classic' DVD Giveaway Contest!

   When I was 15 or 16 I snuck into a theatre to watch an X-rated version of   The Wizard of OZ  .   This was an English made production that was set in (at the time) modern day London.   "Dorothy" was a teenage runaway and "The Wicked Witch" was a fat, hairy truck driver who repeatedly rapes her.   I don't remember too many details other than it was very low budget and dark and gritty and dirty looking.   It was pretty bad!   Actually, I would like to find this movie somewhere so I can watch it again so if any of you have any ideas where to look please let me know.

   This was in the early 1970's when there were also X-rated versions of  Alice in Wonderland  (which was actually pretty good and starred one of the most beautiful women on the planet at that time, Kristine DeBell) and, of course,  Flesh Gordon  which was pretty good as well.

                                                                       < GOR >

Re:'Worst 'Modern' Retelling of a Classic' DVD Giveaway Contest!

yeah, that reminds me of the classic "little red riding in the hood."

Re:'Worst 'Modern' Retelling of a Classic' DVD Giveaway Contest!

Dr_Gor:

   When I was 15 or 16 I snuck into a theatre to watch an X-rated version of   The Wizard of OZ  .   This was an English made production that was set in (at the time) modern day London.   "Dorothy" was a teenage runaway and "The Wicked Witch" was a fat, hairy truck driver who repeatedly rapes her. 

Thats intense... I think we may have a clear, uncontested winner! :-}