Filmgaming

TEACH AN ALIEN ABOUT EARTH: WE HAVE IGNITION

Re:TOP 5 MOVIES TO TEACH AN ALIEN ABOUT EARTH

Without knowing the specifics (their intellectual stylings, are they little green men or resemble earthlings?, etc.) here are the films I would expose the mysterious extraterrestrials to:

  1.)  Galaxy Quest  -  If they are just toying with us and waiting to decimate our planet, this will show them that it'll be pretty easy. If they are peaceful E.T.-like beings then it will show them a range of human emotion, the range of human technology, and our interest in understanding other worlds.

  2.)  History of the World, Part I  -  Face it, it's an hour and a half summation of human experience on Earth and a good representation of how humans act and perceive themselves.

  3.)  Xala  -  Might as well show them how corrupt and pathetic humans can be upfront.

  4.)  The Wizard of Oz  -  We're dreamers till the day we die so why not show them a fantastic exploration of hope, love and imagination that typifies us human beings.

  5.)  Babel  -  Very good recent example of life on Earth and the growing interconnectivity between human beings on every part of it. Again with the love, loss, fear and myriad other emotions that would be good for an extraterrestrial to know prior to trying to communicate with us on a large scale.

If it were television shows it would be a lot easier, just give 'em a couple seasons of The Simpsons and Planet Earth.

Re:TOP 5 MOVIES TO TEACH AN ALIEN ABOUT EARTH

1. Love Actually -- Maybe not the most realistic representation of love on planet Earth, but the copious amount of varied stories on the theme might be helpful to an arriving alien.

2. Elf -- The story is pretty much an alien trying to fit into the real world. I think any non-Earthling could benefit from some of the tips Papa Elf imposes on Buddy, especially not to eat leftover gum.

3. Babel -- Very important Netflix fodder for an alien because it does not just showcase American cities and American problems, it is an Earth affair that tackles issues of communication, something an alien could easily relate to.

4. Lost in Translation -- A variation on the alien-in-a-new-land theme. Bill Murray gives a performance that maybe the most apathetic and sarcastic of aliens could get down with. Although I don't think that an alien is going to find its Scarlett Johannson counterpart quite as easily, or beautifully.

5. The Good Girl -- How do you know that this alien isn't going to visit a small town in the Midwest? There's no way he's going to understand the ways of the world with only movies with locations in large cities. He will need a taste of the muted and mundane side of life as well.

I think it's important to note that these are all relatively new movies not because I don't appreciate what older and classic films have to offer for those of the green-skinned ilk, but it's important for a newcomer to understand the times as they are now, not as they were in the 50s or 60s. Both eras could render him completely useless in everyday interactions.

Oh and I did want to posit a possible sub-question about the absolute worst movie to show an alien coming to Earth for the first time. Something along the lines of Lord of the Rings or Terminator 2 that might really confuse or frighten someone not aware that life on Earth does not actually consist of people made of steel who can melt and re-form or have hair like Edward Furlong.

Re:TOP 5 MOVIES TO TEACH AN ALIEN ABOUT EARTH

Well I figured since this was about life on earth and the experience varies depending on culture - I figured I would throw together a not-well-thought list that represents certain human emotions - and make me feel "human"

Amelie - (Love)

It's A Wonderful Life (Hope)

To Kill A Mockingbird (Honor)

Grave of the Fireflies (Horror/War)

Requium for a Dream (Addiction)

Couldn't make it all positive.

Dont Mess with Humans

My letter to the alien, things implied but not written are bolded. 

Greetings space neighbor!  We are glad to meet you and are looking forward for to sharing our galaxy with your people.  Included with this message are five movies to teach you all about the kind, peace loving, and gentle earth inhabitants known as humans.

Since you kindly provided your address for the Netflix account, we now know where your home world is located.  Today we are sending you movies; tomorrow it might be a neutron bomb, so tread carefully.  In case you mean us harm, here are five reasons you should think twice before launching the armada.

5.  Quest for Fire - Learn all about the humble beginnings of our species as we struggled to create fire and hide from predators while slowly becoming self aware.

We are one evolutionary step away from apes and a few short millennia away from eating one another.  Through countless trials and endless killing we became the dominant species of our planet, FEAR US.

4.    Seven Samurai – A great film showcasing one of the many unique cultures humans have created.

Ever since we rose above the animals we proceeded to murder one another on a massive scale.  This film showcases just how hard humans will fight for the smallest things, how we have hidden strengths not easily apparent, and how we will always band together against an outside threat.  Vow to anyone stupid enough to wage war on us. 

3.   Doctor Strangelove – Humans are renowned for their zany sense of humor!  Kick back and laugh along with one of the best comedies our planet has produced.

As the movie reveals, not only are we warmongering savages, we are also crazy and self destructive.   Our unpredictable and violent nature means we will commit the most horrendous acts without any regard for self preservation.  If a war starts we will not hesitate to destroy both you and ourselves.  

2.  Clerks – Check out a pair of ordinary modern humans as they go through the routine of their daily lives!

Aside from all the previous observations about us, notice also how lazy and unproductive we are.  So if you are looking for a species to enslave for free labor, we are the worst choice in the universe.

1.   Alien – You must understand that humans have great fears about alien life.  This movie reveals how we may see you, so please be careful and thoughtful when trying to make contact with our people. 

Since we are violent and barbaric we tend to suspect other beings are just as evil as we are.  Don’t expect us to buy any of that “we come in peace” nonsense, or to think you are some kind of Gods come to deliver us.  Even as I write this we are arming our nukes to give your spaceships a proper welcoming salute.  So how about you guys stay on your end of the galaxy, and we will stay on ours, got it?

Re:TOP 5 MOVIES TO TEACH AN ALIEN ABOUT EARTH

I'd probably just screw with them

1. Delicatessen - yeah, we eat each other

2. Night of the Living Dead - sometimes it gets out of hand

3. American Movie - this is documentary of our president

4. The Doom Generation - another gripping documentary

6. Brazil - and we all lived happily ever after.

Re:TOP 5 MOVIES TO TEACH AN ALIEN ABOUT EARTH

leeroy711:

I'd probably just screw with them

1. Delicatessen - yeah, we eat each other

2. Night of the Living Dead - sometimes it gets out of hand

3. American Movie - this is documentary of our president

4. The Doom Generation - another gripping documentary

6. Brazil - and we all lived happily ever after.

leeroy, part of what I really like about this post is that it jumps from 4 to 6. part of the 'screwing with them' tactic, right?

Re:TOP 5 MOVIES TO TEACH AN ALIEN ABOUT EARTH

1. Office Space

-the drudgery of day to day life is important for them to see, in case they are expecting earth to be the best thing ever every single day

2. Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex but Were afraid to Ask...

-a humorous look at how we "do it"...what to and what not to expect

3. American History X

-sometimes we just don't get along, unfortunately

4. Starship Troopers

-don't be surprised if we are incredibly scared by you

5. Epic Movie

-we sometimes think we are funny but fail miserably

Re:TOP 5 MOVIES TO TEACH AN ALIEN ABOUT EARTH

The #1 for this list is obvious to anyone who has seen the film. The problem is, so few have seen it.

Koyaanisqatsi (1982)

Koyaanisqatsi was a ground breaking film (not a movie) which basically created to show life on Earth.  There is no plot, no dialogue, there are no actors.  It sounds like the ultimate in art house pretension, yet if you give it 10-15 minutes, you'll be engrossed. 

Check out the trailer here: http://www.videodetective.com/movies/KOYAANISQATSI/trailer/P00137822.htm

Re:TOP 5 MOVIES TO TEACH AN ALIEN ABOUT EARTH

SEX.....Boogie Nights

DRUGS.....Requiem For A Dream

ROCK N ROLL.....Spinal Tap

Religion.....Wicker Man (1973)

Life.....Citizen Kane