The Futon

Dreaded Sequels

This is for all those dreaded sequels that the studios are going to unleash in order to milk to death any original idea that's made them any money.  Post, and shudder, at the continuous onslaught of bastardized versions of the original.

1. Casino Royale 2: Just kill Bond!  Please!  After 20+ movies of the guy, it's gotten a little out of hand.
2. Indiana Jones 4: Just because Spielburg and Lucas are doing it doesn't make it any good.  Besides, remember them riding off into the sunset together after the third one?  Isn't that universal language for "It's over, go home"?
3. Austin Powers 4, 5, and 6:  Dr. Evil gets his own trilogy.  The idea isn't even that funny.
4. Shrek 4:  I wonder if it's going to end up like the "Land Before Time" series.
5. Terminator 4, 5, and 6:  No news on who's the cast or what they're going to do with it.  There's only one way I'd enjoy these movies, and that's if they're entirely about John Connor and how he built the resistance from the beginning, through the conflict, and then on to their victory.  I think that would be far more compelling than three more search-and-destroy films.
6. Spider-Man 4, 5, and 6:  Sony's committed to them, and the box office says it all.  Even though number 3 was total rubbish, they know that people will keep coming back for more because the one thing the general movie public doesn't have is discernment.
7. And finally, what else could induce shudders, groans and moans more than more Star Wars films?  George Lucas is apparantly unsatisfied with killing his original trilogy with those prequels.  Bored, or just plain malicious, he has returned to desecrate the battered corpse of Star Wars with 2 more sequels, prequels, or something.  For the love of all that is holy, George!  Do something else for once!  You're already going to ruin Indiana Jones!  Why further destroy all the goodwill we still have left over?  I swear, some disgruntled superfan is going to run him down in their replica speeder.

Re: Dreaded Sequels

I (almost) completely agree.

1. F**k Bond. Nothing after Roger Moore even remotely matters. Prequel it all you want, it won't make it good.

2. How old is Harrison Ford now? And Lucas and Spielberg have screwed up plenty (Howard the Duck & 1941, respectively) , so there are no guarantees. 

 3. I feel like the third AP filled in all the laugh gaps of the others. These will more than likely be the same jokes over and over. At least this means Verne Troyer will have a job for the next decade... or until his liver gives out, whichever comes first.

4. I knew this was coming. Especially with 3 being such a behemoth right out of the gate. Between this and #3 on the list we're apparently going to be inundated with Mike Myers for the next 8 - 12 years.

5. Terminator 3 was terrible. I agree with you here, unless it's all about La Resistance this will be wretched.

6. My feeling about this are well-documented.

7. Call me a mindless zombie but you attach the word Star Wars to anything and I'll at least give it a chance. There is a screaming 9 year-old somewhere deep in my pysche that's holding out hope for mild redemption (he's also the part of me that's excited about the telelvision series).

Other than that, kudos on the rant.

Re: Dreaded Sequels

I am with you on the whole list except for #1 - I really enjoy the idea of updating Bond to compete with the more successful Jason Bourne and Ethan Hunt franchises. Bond is supposed to be suave, but it got to be a joke with the Roger Moore and the post-Goldeneye Pierce Brosnan films' cheesiness. Bond had to be a badass to get his 007 certification and this last film was really well done (still not as good as The Bourne Supremacy though). Looking back at the revered series I personally only like a handful of the films and I only think two are top notch in writing and directing for action thrillers- Goldfinger and On Her Majesty's Secret Service. I think this last one is the sign of better things to come.  

You are right about the Indiana Jones series ending perfectly - I just don't know how they can satisfy their audience with a fourth. I agree with you on the Terminator series too - that would be a great concept for the continuing of the series. I was so underwhelmed with both of the first two Spiderman movies that I can't imagine sitting through a third. Shrek and Austin Powers were good ideas for the first movies maybe even the second, but I can't gather any excitement to ever watch any more from either.

George Lucas showed that making sci fi action films is a young man's game - I can't believe how much he betrayed his original trilogy fans with one bad idea after another (casting, Jar Jar, the accents.....etc.). I have no sympathy anymore and I think he is completely irrelevant to today's audiences and if I was Spielberg I would worry about having him on my team for Indiana Jones. I will never watch anything else with his name attached unless it receives univeral acclaim (good luck with that) from some credible sourcess.

Good post. BTW - did you hear they are making a new Incredible Hulk movie for 2008 with Edward Norton attached and the director of the Transporter series. I can't believe fine actor Norton signed up for a sequal of a not well recieved movie that isn't even being directed by Ang Lee anymore. 

Re: Dreaded Sequels

josephkuzma:

7. Call me a mindless zombie but you attach the word Star Wars to anything and I'll at least give it a chance. There is a screaming 9 year-old somewhere deep in my pysche that's holding out hope for mild redemption (he's also the part of me that's excited about the telelvision series).

I heard the next Star Wars movies are going to be hour long TV movies.  And the best part is that they will have nothing to do with the movie storyline.  No Skywalkers.  This is what gives it real potential.  They have a chance to have fun with the universe without having to appease some preexisting storyline.  You can have great stories in the Star Wars universe I'm sure.  I played the video game Knights of the Old Republic and really enjoyed the story quite a bit.

Re: Dreaded Sequels

I've recently read that Lucas has his fingers in 3 Star Wars continuations.

1. A continuation of the animated series.  I haven't seen any so I can't comment on this.
2. A 100-episode live-action show that will span the gap between episodes 3 & 4.  I don't mind this so much because it's supposedly going to cast no-name actors, avoid the Skywalker plot line completely, and be filmed in the same scrappy and dark way of Firefly and the new BSG.
3. And then come the 2 new films, which, according the article I read, will be feature-length.

Re: Dreaded Sequels

Jymkata:

  

Good post. BTW - did you hear they are making a new Incredible Hulk movie for 2008 with Edward Norton attached and the director of the Transporter series. I can't believe fine actor Norton signed up for a sequal of a not well recieved movie that isn't even being directed by Ang Lee anymore. 

It's not supposed to be a sequel, they're actually "starting over" as it were. They're supposedly retconning all the screw ups from the first film (Edward Norton is Bruce Banner, not David and his father wasn't the Absorbing Man) and the special effects are being done completely differently.

Risselada:

I played the video game Knights of the Old Republic and really enjoyed the story quite a bit.

Both of those games were quality storytelling and it was because they weren't slaves to Skywalker mythos. The movies, if they truly avoid the Fam, will have a much better chance.

I read a rumor somewhere a while ago that Lucas was also toying with the idea of allowing other filmmakers into the Star Wars universe, the way he did with all the other mediums (books, comics, etc). This would really keep the ideas fresh. Plus, I like the idea of imagining David Fincher directing Empire Strikes Back.

Re: Dreaded Sequels

This would really keep the ideas fresh. Plus, I like the idea of imagining David Fincher directing Empire Strikes Back.

Yes, and then they could cast Edward Norton as Luke Skywalker.

It's okay to laugh.

Re: Dreaded Sequels

Alas, it's not true.

It turns out some nutsack at Fox News fudged the whole story about new Star Wars movies.

Read 'em and weep.

Re: Dreaded Sequels

josephkuzma:

Alas, it's not true.

It turns out some nutsack at Fox News fudged the whole story about new Star Wars movies.

Read 'em and weep.

Eh, it still sounds good to me!

Re: Dreaded Sequels

Not only are we getting a Shrek 4 (and likely 5 as they've already paid someone to write it) but we're getting Puss-in-Boots: The Story of an Ogre Killer, a made-for-TV Christmas special (Shrek the Halls) and a stage production of some sort in 2008.

Sheesh.