HORROR MOVIES 101

Who Wants to Help Me Kill Michael Bay?

Apparently not happy with ruining the Amityville Horror or Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchises, Michael Bay has apparently made it his job to use his Platinum Dunes company to remake films that really don't need to be remade.

First up; a Friday the 13th reboot. After that? A Nightmare on Elm Street. And then it's on to Near Dark and The effin' Birds.

The man must be stopped.

Follow the link for the story. 

Here's a great story; Gunnar Hansen, in Entertainment Weekly, I think, mentioned a cameo he was supposed to make in the new remake. While in makeup, the director kept going on and on about how awesome the new movie would be, and that it would be much more psychological, and not just a gorefest like the original. At this point Gunnar Hansen said something along the lines of 'have you even seen the original film?' and walked off the set. 

Re:Who Wants to Help Me Kill Michael Bay?

Oh my god, you have GOT to be kidding...that was pretty good when Gunnar Hansen said, have you seen the original film?  That's the truth.

Doesn't Michael Bay have anything ORIGINAL up his sleeve?  jeez.  Well, he is safe for now from Doctor Gore, but as soon as they announce a remake of the Exorcist, I'm afraid Michael Bay may meet with an untimely "accident"  hee hee. 

Re:Who Wants to Help Me Kill Michael Bay?

Re:Who Wants to Help Me Kill Michael Bay?

Has anyone seen the recent episode of SouthPark where Terrorists take our imaginations hostage? wow. It's priceless. Wait for the Michael Bay section, it's full of awesomeness:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byKrCUk4JaA&feature=related 

So, who wants to help kill Michael Bay? Evidently the writers for SouthPark as well as myself and a handful of people I know. 

Re:Who Wants to Help Me Kill Michael Bay?

Re:Who Wants to Help Me Kill Michael Bay?

Well, in Bay's defense(the last time this'll happen), The Birds did have that ultra-crappy sequel. Wasn't that a cable movie? And Hitchcock has been getting a lot of disrespect on the remake front in the last decade or so.

 For some reason I can't explain, it's the Nightmare on Elm Street that bothers me the most. The Birds I can write off because, well, it's going to be obvious to EVERYONE that Bay can't begin to live up to Hitchcock.

That said, The Birds was always my least favorite Hitchcock film. It had great moments, was a pretty cool idea, but it just seemed so sloppy. Especially for a perfectionist like Hitchcock. If he'd truly cared about a film, he never would have allowed shots where you could see the seams in the cloth backdrop. Also, the remake MIGHT allow us to see the original ending Hitchcock had imagined(the characters drive to San Francisco and see the bridge covered with thousands of birds).

Re:Who Wants to Help Me Kill Michael Bay?

   I always feel like I'm beating a dead horse whenever I talk about this 're-make' phenomenon.    This subject has come up again and again in various discussions within this group.   Some (like my mostly silent partner 'Phantasmagoria') are actually fans of this re-make phenomena, saying that the re-makes put a fresh spin on some of the 'tired, old classics' that otherwise would not be seen by a new, younger generation of film-goers.   Perhaps there is some truth in that, but I disagree.   If you are a 'younger' horror movie fan and want to experience all that this fantastic medium has to offer, go out and rent or buy the ORIGINAL versions of these timeless classics and get ready for the ride of your life!

    I have said before that 'I have never met a Horror Movie I didn't like' and this is true!   Re-makes included!   I even enjoyed the HIDEOUS  'Psycho'  re-make just because it WAS a horror movie and a good story (!) , even though it was a direct, scene-for-scene and word-for-word copy of the original but with a less talented director and actors!   My only question regarding this film (and most other re-makes) is WHY?   I guess Phantasmagoria's explanation is as good as any, but I still don't see the point.   Another good example would be the 1990 version of  'NOTLD' ...   In the months preceding this movie, I was overwhelmed with the anticipation of seeing one of my seminal vavourites re-done in color and with a bigger budget.   What could go wrong?   Obviously a lot.   While this was a GREAT zombie-movie and a very entertaining ride, it simply could not compare to the original masterpiece!   Therein, I think, lies the problem.  

   Obviously, re-makes have been around since, almost, the very birth of the motion picture.   Thomas Edison produced a film version of  'Frankenstein'  in 1908, I believe, so actually the classic 1931 version was, in fact, a re-make!    Both  'Frankenstein'  and  'Dracula'  have been re-made multiple times over the years with varying degrees of success.   On this note, Universal is currently working on a big-budget remake of  'The Wolf Man'  with Anthony Hopkins slated to play the 'father'...   I will withhold my judgement on this until I have seen it.

   As for Michael Bay and his 're-make factory'. I must agree that the  'Friday The 13th'  and  'Nightmare on Elm Street'  re-makes are totally unnecessary.   From what I read in the linked article in the first post here,  it appears that they are planning to re-make the entire  'Nightmare on Elm Street'  franchise!   This would be a huge mistake in my opinion!   Robert Englund IS Freddy and Freddy Krueger IS the epitomy of evil and the ultimate 'horror icon' of all time.   I can only assume that they have similar plans for the  'Friday The 13th'  series.   I keep coming up with the same question,  "In the name of God, WHY?" ...    'Near Dark'  was a fantastic and ORIGINAL vampire movie that needs to be re-made about as much as I need a gaping head wound!   As for  'The Birds' ...   while that movie might be a bit 'dated' and some might argue that a fresh up-dating is in order, it is still classic Hitchcock and any attempt at a re-make will fail miserably when compared to the original.

   Some other 'unnecessary' re-makes looming on the horizon...   'Hellraiser' ,  Cronenberg's  'The Brood'  and  'Scanners' ,  and  'Child's Play' !   (has it really been that long?) ...   

   I have been working on an ORIGINAL horror story for the past several years and I am more than halfway finnished.   Perhaps my story might become an ORIGINAL horror movie one day...   Wouldn't that be a breath of fresh air?

Re:Who Wants to Help Me Kill Michael Bay?

Well, Gor, I'm going to defend remakes(in general) for a moment. I'm of the opinion that yes, remakes are essentially unnecessary, but hey, they can be good. I'm thinking specifically of The Fly, The Thing, Invasion of the Body Snatchers(the 70s version), and the Blob. Now, the Blob, The Fly and The Thing were all instances where I saw the remake first(they came out during my childhood; I was 11 when the Blob hit theatres). Being a film lover I eventually went back and watched those originals, and loved them all. But I still think the remakes are good movies. I would actually argue that the '78 Body Snatchers remake is a superior film, if only because it cultivates a sense of paranoia, claustrophobia and unease that the original, as great as it is, doesn't even attempt to match. It's also obvious that the makers had respect and love for the original film. Hell, it could almost be seen as a sequel, with poor old Kevin McCarthy still running from town to town, warning people of the invisible invasion.

 Now, for every good remake there are at least a dozen awful ones(Psycho, which you mentioned, The Omen, Hills Have Eyes, TCM, Etc.), but that doesn't mean that it can't be worthwhile. And sometimes, in cases like Dracula, The Wolf Man, or any of those 'classics', well, people have been making and remaking versions of those for, in some cases, centuries. An updating of mythology isn't something I view as completely blasphemous. And sometimes I view it the same way I view cover songs. Musicians all have favorite songs that they remake and put their own spin on it, and nobody bats an eye(nobody made this much of a ruccus when Hillary Duff covered The Who), but when it comes to film, we all(me included) get VERY defensive. Obviously there's a difference, but I'm willing to give someone the benefit of a doubt and assume they're remaking something out of genuine love of the original, and a desire to add their own voice to the mix. And those tend to be the really good ones. 

(And, though you seemed less than thrilled with it, I think the NOTLD remake is actually a pretty solid, creepy zombie film. It doesn't reach the heights the original does, but it does it's job. And pretty well.)

So, it may seem odd after this defense of remakes to still hate Michael Bay, but the difference is clear. Bay is embarking on these remakes with no respect or understanding of the original. He knows he can make a fairly low budget film that will make back his money several times over. Plus he's a really crappy filmmaker, with no real grasp of things like, say, emotional substance. 

Re:Who Wants to Help Me Kill Michael Bay?

Re:Who Wants to Help Me Kill Michael Bay?