HORROR MOVIES 101

Primeval and All Those Other Under Water Movies

Last night I did something I haven't done in a while.  I actually sat down and watched a movie!  All the way through, even!  See, usually I don't have much of an attention span and get easily distract - look, a bird.  Anyway, I watched Primeval and boy do I wish I hadn't.  Why?  'Cause it was DUMB.  Not just dumb, lower-case.  Capital DUMB.  Yes, it was humorous in parts, mostly brought out by Orlando Jones, but, then again, Jones was just another token black guy in a monster movie who, in the end, gets killed.  LAME.  And you don't even get to see him die a cool death, one that he deserves, one that he would say, while floating on his celestial cloud, "Man.  Now THAT was a way to die."  All you get to see is him running for his life with this gigantic crocodile lumbering after him.  Then it goes in slow-motion and then...CUT!  Different scene!  What the hell?!  Oh, but you do get to see his corpse later in the movie which, by the way, looks very much like candle wax molded into a not-so-likeness of Jones's body.  Very disappointing. 

There was one thing that came out of watching this crap, though.  I realized, again, how much I HATE the water.  Perhaps it's from all the scary movies I've watched over the years.  Perhaps it's because the water, any water, is a scary movie in its own right.  I mean, even the shower has become scary!  But I can take a shower without worrying about a giant squid entangling me in its tentacles.  I CAN'T, however, go in the ocean or even a small lake (!) without being terrified.  How dumb am I?  Well, you'll see how dumb I am the next time a Megalodon catches a bubble up to the ocean's surface and starts eating trucks.  Who'll be laughing then?!...well, probably no one since we'll all be DEAD.

Re:Primeval and All Those Other Under Water Movies

I agree like no ones ever agreed before!!! The water is fucking frightning. I hate the water, one minute your out on a dingy and then the next thing you know millions upon millions of little serrated teeth are sinking into your abdomen and hip, then the thrashing and deafening sound of your bones breaking, the white hot feeling as the teeth saw their way through your flesh like a blow torch to butter. then the shark swims away and you think your safe at last, but thats not the case. you begin to feel something wrap its self  around your body you think its a snake, but no, you feel the tentacles suck down and begin to use their mouths to devour whatevers in their wake. then you are pulled down to the bottom of the ocean only to be crushed by the weight of the water before finally being eaten by the monster pulling you down the abyss.   in short, i dont have to worry about shit like that as i drive down the street. if i did ever see a shark in the road, im gonna hit it dead on, i have airbags. Although their are some good underwater movies i'll name a few if you want to check em out. (no perticular order)

1. jaws

2.deep rising

3.the abyss

4.leviathan (it has peter weller from robocop)

5.deep blue sea (i dont care, i like it)

and after they make Brian Keene's The Conqueror Worms into a movie i am sure everyone here is gonna dig it

Re:Primeval and All Those Other Under Water Movies

Re:Primeval and All Those Other Under Water Movies

   Kinda ironic that someone named 'Froggy' would have such a dislike of the water, huh?   No matter, she sure is cute.   I, however, am quite the opposite...   having learned to swim at about the age of 5 and, as a teenager, I even worked as a lifeguard for awhile.   I have always loved the water and boats etc.   When I was 12 or 13 I spent my summer vacation with an Aunt and Uncle in Florida and I had the time of my life, spending every possible minute swimming about in the ocean without any thought of all the nasty creatures swimming around below me!   I did get stung pretty badly by jellyfish one time, but even that didn't deter me in the least!   Of course I knew about things like sharks and squid and barracuda and sting-rays but I really didn't worry about them at the time.   But this was before I saw  JAWS  for the first time!   Now I don't think I will ever swim in the ocean again!

   One movie that a lot of people didn't like but I found particularly disturbing was  Open Water .   I think this one will give any of you 'hydrophobes' nightmares for months.   On the subject of overly large crocadilians, I would recomend  Alligator .    This seminal classic is about the old urban legend of kids flushing their pet baby alligators down the toilet only to have them survive in the sewers by feeding on rats, etc. (or in this case, steroid imbued dogs... you have to see the movie.)   and grow into giant, albino mutatuions!   I know it sounds corny but this is actually a GREAT movie with lots of tension and gore and some really good (for it's time) special fx!   I particularly liked Henry Silva as an over-the-top (and out of place) 'big game hunter' ,  tracking his prey through the streets and sewers of New York!

  As for  Primeval , I must say that I was really looking forward to seeing this one based on the previews.   As this movie was supposedly based on 'actual events' and 20+ foot killer crocodiles are not unheard of in several places around the world, I was looking forward to a fairly realistic take on this subgenre.   Also, whenever FroggyBabe says a movie sucks I take that with a grain of salt because I happen to know that she doesn't like several movies that I consider to be great.  (no offense, my love!)   But it would seem, in this case, that everyone else agrees with her that this movie is DUMB!   I'm sure I will watch this one anyhow when the opportunity presents itself but at least now I won't have great expectations!

Re:Primeval and All Those Other Under Water Movies

FroggyBaBe15876:

Last night I did something I haven't done in a while.  I actually sat down and watched a movie!  All the way through, even!  See, usually I don't have much of an attention span and get easily distract - look, a bird.  Anyway, I watched Primeval and boy do I wish I hadn't.  Why?  'Cause it was DUMB.  Not just dumb, lower-case.  Capital DUMB.  Yes, it was humorous in parts, mostly brought out by Orlando Jones, but, then again, Jones was just another token black guy in a monster movie who, in the end, gets killed.  LAME.  And you don't even get to see him die a cool death, one that he deserves, one that he would say, while floating on his celestial cloud, "Man.  Now THAT was a way to die."  All you get to see is him running for his life with this gigantic crocodile lumbering after him.  Then it goes in slow-motion and then...CUT!  Different scene!  What the hell?!  Oh, but you do get to see his corpse later in the movie which, by the way, looks very much like candle wax molded into a not-so-likeness of Jones's body.  Very disappointing. 

I just watched this today, and I think my opinion might be slightly higher than yours. Slightly. 

It was a pretty stupid movie, I'll give you that, but it did have an interesting angle. It's not Hotel Rwanda or anything(not even Blood Diamond), but it does take on the not-dishonorable task of trying to shed some light on an area of the world that most people just ignore. The idea that Gustave was given the taste for human flesh because of all of the dead bodies being dumped in the river, or that the western world was completely uncaring until he killed a white woman. Primeval is one of those movies I like to use when I defend my horror fandom to people who assume horror equals trashy. Sure, Primeval is stupid, but you can look at the worst horror movie out there and more often than not you'll find an attempt to say something that is more meaningful than most will give it credit for.

Also, Jones had the best line in the movie, when talking about how great it was to be in Africa: "This is where Bryant Gumble came from!" 

Re:Primeval and All Those Other Under Water Movies

Ah, yes.  I forgot to mention the social issues in the movie the first time I Spouted about it.  However, I didn't mention them because I was so overwhelmed with crappiness that I just plum forgot.  I think the thing that really pisses me off about this movie is that it wasn't advertised as a "social issue" movie.  It was advertised like a regular horror-monster movie would be, with the scary music and underwater scenes and such and what not.  I know that movies are normally advertised to try to bring in the crowds but, damn it!, they could at least be a little bit truthful about the whole point of the movie.  Bastards.

Re:Primeval and All Those Other Under Water Movies

FroggyBaBe15876:

Ah, yes.  I forgot to mention the social issues in the movie the first time I Spouted about it.  However, I didn't mention them because I was so overwhelmed with crappiness that I just plum forgot.  I think the thing that really pisses me off about this movie is that it wasn't advertised as a "social issue" movie.  It was advertised like a regular horror-monster movie would be, with the scary music and underwater scenes and such and what not.  I know that movies are normally advertised to try to bring in the crowds but, damn it!, they could at least be a little bit truthful about the whole point of the movie.  Bastards.

Here's how I view it; it WAS a horror movie, with scary music and shock scenes and gore. It was a shitty one, but it WAS a horror movie. The social issues were an added bonus, and I give the movie bonus points for at least trying to say something with a generic killer-croc flick.