1/7/2008 7:51 PM
posted awhile ago
Re:Worst Movies of 2007?
No sense in re-writing my entry, so I will cut and paste. Granted, Juno was not released here until after 2007, but I am pretty sure it would have found a spot on it as well! 10) “Shrek the Third,” “Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World’s End,” “Spider-Man 3,” “Rush Hour 3” – To paraphrase an old adage, “You can’t polish a third.” 9) “Mr. Brooks” – This babbling “Brooks” suffered from multiple personality disorder, as it introduced far too many characters to its plot. Kevin Costner, William Hurt and Demi Moore are all sucked down the drain of rancid, festering cinematic waste where their co-star Dane Cook already resides. 8)” The Ex” – A perfect ex-ample of an ex-hausting ex-ecution and an ex-eracble ex-ercise in lowered ex-pectations, this ex-periment in ex-cess is an ex-cursion in cinematic ex-crement. The only way to adequately surmise this film? With ex-pletives. 7) “I Know Who Killed Me” – Twice the Lohan might typically mean one hell of a bar tab, but here it’s an exercise in absurdity that which has the dubious distinction of becoming only the second looniest stripper movie ever made (“Showgirls” still flaunts that tarnished tiara). 6) “The Heartbreak Kid” – Not even copious amounts of Ben Stiller’s “hair gel” could hold this lazy Farrelly Brothers comedy together. 5) “Evan Almighty” – This Noah’s Ark comedy may have God on its side, but without one funny joke, it doesn’t have a prayer. 4)”I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry” – Adam Sandler masks his homophobic humor in a supposed “tolerant” comedy with Kevin James, but there is nothing civil in this union of misogyny, ethnic slurs and Rob Schneider cameos. There is one silver lining – they certainly deserve each other. 3) “The Number 23” – Now, if I were to say Jim Carrey stars as a saxophone-playing dogcatcher, you may think, “Awesome. Ace Ventura is back on the scene!” Trouble is, this was supposed to be a thriller. Sorry, Ace fans, the only talking buttocks provided here are the writers of this woefully miscalculated numeric thriller. 2) “Epic Movie” – The so-called writers of these seemingly endless “Movie” movies now have a formula for their flicks: Random Movie Reference + hip-hop x hits to the groin / empty pop culture reference = hilarity. It’s about as funny as being trapped on an elevator with the guys in your office who still greet you with “Whazzzuuup?” For those who find Larry the Cable Guy too cerebral, here’s the film for you. 1) “Norbit” – While technically not as inept as “Epic Movie,” the combination of deflated expectations and detestable characterizations rocketed “Norbit” to the bottom of the list. With both of Eddie Murphy’s concert films, “Raw” and “Delirious” re-released on DVD this year, it brings a tear to the eye to think this once-brilliant comedian continues to prostitute his name like those streetwalking transvestites of whom he is so fond.
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