BloodRayne (2006)

Schlock master Uwe Boll strikes again with another hunk of junk video game adaptation in BloodRayne, a flick so steeped in no-budget sword and sorcery land that it might as well be a Deathstalker film. This time out, the famously maligned filmmaker managed to gather up actual actors to make a fool of themselves, with such talent as Sir Ben Kingsley, Michael Madsen, and Billy Zane offering up the most downright asinine performances of their careers (Titanic and A Sound of Thunder excluded!). In the title role is T3's Kristanna Loken, who proves here that she's better as a robot mute than as a raspy half-human vampire minx. The men in the audience will no doubt appreciate how committed she was to showing how -- err -- passionate vampires can be, though it's highly unlikely that anyone will be impressed by her lackadaisical fighting style and laughable accent. In fact, were it not for the gore, the flick would basically devolve into a comedy George Lucas-style of who can read their lines worse than the rest of the cast. With obvious nods to Raiders of the Lost Ark along with the Castlevania games, Bloodrayne has a definite "been there, done that" kind of feel to it that only makes Uwe Boll seem like even more of a hack than he was before. Video game devotees won't find much to crow about here, as the character's story line has been severely changed to more resemble a medieval prequel rather than a WWII Nazi bloodsucking adventure. The uncut version features wall-to-wall gore and an amazing gore montage recap at the end of the flick that will leave whomever is brave enough to watch it in punishing stitches. ~ Jeremy Wheeler, All Movie Guide