King Kong Lives (1986)

Synopsis
Pandering über-producer Dino de Laurentiis followed his unnecessary 1976 remake of King Kong with this even more pointless sequel ten years later. Though the colossal ape Kong took a half-gainer off the World Trade Center for Jessica Lange at the previous film's climax, we are told at the sequel's outset that Kong survived and is being kept alive through artificial means by a secret scientific team (headed by Linda Hamilton in her pre-action-heroine days) dedicated to designing a synthetic replacement heart. When the hilariously huge device is deemed ready for implant, the scientists seek out the only known donor for the requisite blood transfusion: a female Kong, recently captured in Borneo by adventurer Brian Kerwin. Kong's luck turns out to be twofold: not only is the implant a success, the big lug now has a potential mate who's more his type. After Kong rescues his fellow captive, the amorous behemoths eventually thunder off to the mountains to make a great big baby. Director John Guillermin (who helmed the previous film) plays the unbelievably silly premise absolutely straight, including a hilarious heart-transplant scene featuring surgical tools the size of freeway signs, leading viewers to believe that the joke's on them for sitting through this inane exercise. ~ Cavett Binion, All Movie Guide