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Windbreaker!

  • the secret of Pan's success

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    Pan's Labyrinth  (2006)

    Pan and his labyrinth are only as good as the fauns who tend it.  Goat gods aren't terribly impressive on their own, so they take extra care in establishing legacies.  Pan is no exception.  This is his story.  Del Toro's movie is in spanish, so read my review for the proper interpretation.

    Pan was supposed to be in charge of fauns and other similarly dorky underworld creatures who hung out at his labyrinth.  Basically all the animals who weren't invited to hip functions hung out at the labyrinth where they could play 1st-person Dungeons & Dragons without constantly being mocked.  But instead of tending his herd, the crazy wannabe god chased down every immortal skirt he could find while other gods were busy sharpening their skills (for you younger kids, Napoleon Dynamite wasn't the first kid with skills).  Guys like Apollo and Zeus were out there kicking ass while Pan was running off to band camp trying to woo some hot nymph. 

    During his time at Echo Echo Band Camp, Pan created a new instrument to impress the nymphs and named it after himself -- the Panpipe.  Over time, most of Pan's fauns left his labyrinth because of his regular attempts to become hip and score with multiple under- and overworld creatures.  Pan left his home and traveled to Gaia (or earth, as we know it) where he began training pupils on his magical instrument of seduction - the Panpipe.  The music school was caught in the middle of the Spanish Civil War and all but one student perished.  Tragically, the student who survived was Zamfir.  Zamfir, Pan's legacy, the name which drives fear and nausea into any Gaia native who watched television commercials in the 1980s.

    Windbreaker hearts Pan's Labyrinth.


 


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