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  • STARDUST

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    Pan's Labyrinth  (2006)

    Stardust  (2007)

    Unless you have an outrageously large DVD collection, just rent this.  It's good, but probably won't have you craving too many repeat viewings over the years.  I've seen so many ads for fantasy flicks in the post-Lord of the Rings era that just try too hard.  They figure the grander the scale, the more satisfying the adventure.  Oh how I long for the days of Princess Bride (not that there were many small scale movies like Princess Bride back then... but I can fantasize).  Stardust is somewhere in the middle of the fantasy film spectrum.  It isn't real close and intimate like Pan's Labyrinth (instant classic), and also isn't 4 hours long with 18 primary characters.  Some of the camera shots get out of control.  I don't need all the sweeping space-to-earth type shots in a story like this.  Show me the journey, not an accidental blooper of Sputnik orbiting over Utah.

    So, what's Stardust about?  Glad you asked.  It's about a town in the horse-n-carriage era where most people use toothpaste 2 times a day, women's skin looks great, men use body spray, and farm animals are just for show.  The name of the town is Wall, which is English for the Hamptons (watch the special features and you'll learn something). 

    Tristan, a nice boy from the Hamptons who may or may not have been conceived through the use of magical powers is in love with snooty Victoria.  She's full of self-love, but that doesn't matter because she clearly uses Oil of Olay, Mary Kay foundation and blush, and doesn't have any split ends on those blonde locks.  She's hot.  Trouble is, she's being courted by a dorky metrosexual who has a fascination with rods. 

    So Tristan sets out on a fun-filled and sometimes scary 90-minute adventure to win the love of Victoria, the chick that 8 out of 10 men would marry in a heartbeat even if she was shallow as a baby pool.  Because it's a baby pool of smooth skin, a nice smile, and tight buns.  But I digress...

    Along the way we get boys turned to goats, goats turned to men, an FBI age-progression experiment with Michelle Pfieffer, a bunch of brothers dying off as angry kings-to-be and being transformed into happy-go-lucky spirits.  Oh, and Robert DeNiro in drag.  Yeah.  Umm... maybe if the acting all around was 100% believable and the script was tight this would be fun.  Instead we get an authentic look at how Robert DeNiro would act in his bedroom if a camera crew was allowed in.  He'd be a bit shy, but would eventually share his love of cross-dressing and perform a little number for us.  The End.

    Go rent it.  You'll like it... once.


 

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