In The Army Now (1994)

Kind of like that quote from Beetlejuice, "it just gets funnier, every time I see it!!"  Yeah, so I like Pauly Shore's In The Army Now.  Not because I'm a child of the late 80s and early 90s, but just because it really is funny, and its got a decent story and isn't too far fetched.  Well, not compared to some disastrous military-themed comedies (like, say, Delta Farce...)

Perennial slacker and altogether oddball Bones Conway (Pauly Shore) convinces his friend Jack (Andy Dick) that the solution to their problems is to sign up for the Army Reserves.  Insert the usual comedic-basic training routine here, where they meet up with fellow water-purifiers Christine (Lori Petty) and dentist Fred (David Alan Grier)...and then they return to the real world....

...and are subsequently called up to a mythical conflict between the African nations of Chad and Libya.  Thrown into the mess over there, their convoy is attacked while they struggle to fix a flat on their truck, and proceed to get lost in the desert, captured by Libyans, escape by providence, and have to execute the mission that the special forces couldn't complete.

If only to prove in typical hollywood fashion that the slackers can actually get the job done.  Lauded as heroes, they return to civilization to start the store they dreamed of, complete with camel in tow.

Now, I know what you're thinking, he likes it??  Yeah.  Despite Pauly Shore.  Really, he leaves a lot of his MTV schtick behind in this one, with it only making a few well-timed and not too inappropriate appearances.  This isn't Encino Man, Bio Dome, or Son-in-Law.  Hate to say it, but he's actually not bad here.  The supporting cast does a fine job of doing just that, as well.

You also have to give kudos for trying to fill in a gap that really went unfilled for the most part, trying to pay some sort of homage to the veterans of Desert Storm (this is '94 remember) without making it too cornball.  I think they managed to do that well, what with the reserves angle and all.  The settings and equipment really lend an air of authenticity to it.  For a low-budget comedy, I was fairly impressed by that aspect.

If you've never seen In The Army Now, (probably because you hate Shore!) then just overcome it and take a look.  You'll probably be quite surprised.  Here's a trailer, looks like from TV.  Couldn't find any cliips of decent quality for some reason.  Does nobody but me like this picture?!

And yeah, I'm putting it under "Gulf War" movies, since we know that's what they were after....

In The Army Now (1994) on Spout.com

Originally posted on:War Movie Reviews and News

K-19: The Widowmaker (2002)

K-19: The Widowmaker is based on the true story of the Soviet nuclear submarine K-19, which suffered a disastrous reactor failure and nearly resulted in a worse accident, and possibly could have started World War III.

Honestly I'm struggling to write this review.  The first half of the movie is a struggle to get through.  The second half, well, more than makes up for it.

K-19 is a new class of nuclear sub, and she's been cursed it would seem before even getting wet.  Several men have died during construction, and during her christening ceremony, the bottle doesn't break.  Not good omens for any ship.

The captain of this crew, Polenin (Liam Neeson) is replaced at the behest of the party officers by Captain Vostrikov (Harrison Ford), leaving Polenin as the Exec.  One of Vostrikov's first actions is to replace the drunken yet experienced reactor officer with a fresh-from-the-academy version.  And the hilarity ensues.

They embark on their mission, which is to test fire one of their missiles.  Along the way, Vostrikov tortures the crew with endless and often dangerous drills and exercises.  This of course only increases the crew's ire towards Vostrikov.  They successfully perform their test, and receive new orders, to patrol the waters off New York and Washington.  Up until this point in the film, you are really left wondering what the hell we are all doing here.  Apart from the endless drills, not much else is going on, and it starts to drag on.  And on.

Then, the reactor fails.  In a bad way.  In an almost non-repairable way.  In a way that nobody really understands what the outcome will be....  The crew and Vostrikov really start to pull together, and the story finally starts to get interesting.

They manage to affect a cobbled together solution, at the cost of a few of the crew due to radiation.  The situation continues to get worse and worse as radiation floods the boat, yet Vostrikov refuses to seek help, and its unclear why.

Not until the repair fails again, and they encounter a US Destroyer offering assistance does the Captain reveal his motives.  To try and keep the ship away from everything should it explode, potentially leading to disastrous outcomes on both sides of the ocean.

But the real payoff is the final scene, where the remaining crew of the boat reunites on the anniversery of the event.  At this point it doesn't matter which Navy you sail with, the sentiment remains the same.  One of comraderie, loyalty and friendship.

Yeah so I spoiled it.  If you can manage to get through the mechanics of the first half, and wait for the unfolding drama that awaits you will be satisfied with the outcome.

Although, I have to say that Neeson's and Ford's Russian accents were rather weak.  They were just not thick enough I think to be believed.  Ford's inparticular just didn't seem right at all, at times I could barely tell it was there, then he'd roll an R or something silly like that....

I will also give props to the production crew for making me believe I was in a Russian cold-war era sub.  The entire environment seemed just foreign enough and "Soviet" enough (if that's possible) to really put it across.

K-19: The Widowmaker will start you fidgeting, but eventually rivet you in place by the time its over, and hopefully leave you touched at the end.

K-19: The Widowmaker (2002) on Spout.com

Originally posted on:War Movie Reviews and News

The Lost Battalion (2001)

In October 1918, one battalion of American soldiers gets trapped behind enemy lines, thinking they are at the lead of an offensive, the reality is quite different.  Based on the Johnson and Pratt book of the same name, The Lost Battalion is a dirty, bloody, gritty look at life in the trenches, and at the reality of war.

This made-for-TV movie falls into the category of 'best war movies I've never heard of.'  Yeah, its really quite good.  Surprisingly good as far as made-for-TV films go.  New York lawyer turned Major Charles Whittelsey (Rick Schroder) reluctantly takes his men where ordered, straight into the sights of the Germans.  He thinks the offensive is succeeding all around him, while in reality everyone else has pulled back, leaving his unit stranded up against a German battalion hell-bent on keeping them at bay.

From there it only gets worse for them, as he tries to reconcile his orders with the well-being of his men.  Continued assaults from the Germans, as well as a barrage of friendly-fire artillery tear the battalion to pieces.  Over the span of the six days they are trapped, their numbers drop from around 600, to less than 200.

The Lost Battalion is not for the squeamish.  Graphic are the battles, the injuries, the combat, and the deaths.  Yet it never really enters the realm of exploitation.  To me it turns out to be a pretty realistic representation of what it must have been like.  The supporting cast is also stellar, if somewhat unknown.

You also get a glimpse into the mechanics of the WWI battlefield.  Carrier pigeons for communication, the cavalry-like charges over the wall, that entire transition from "the battlefield" to modern mechanized warfare....

Schroder, love him or hate him, does a great job here.  He maintains that sort of 'officer stature' throughout, while never disconnecting with his men.  His final words sum up the tone of the picture.  "These men are better than you, they're better than me."

The special effects and production here is absolutely amazing for a made-for-TV bit as well.  While I'm no expert on WWI armaments and equipment, I never once felt that anything was out of place, or that anything was (technically) wrong in any way.  The pacing is just perfect on top of everything else.  We pause just long enough for the men to recover from the latest attack, and to muse on the madness of war and to comment on the disconnect between the men in the field and the officers back at command.

My only gripes might be the fact that it's in 4:3, but for a TV-bound show I guess you can't expect too much more.  I can only imagine what this would have been in full scope though.  The soundtrack is rather "TV like" as well, but it never gets too bad.

The Lost Battalion is a greatly-overlooked modern day classic in this reviewer's book.  I will watch this again.

Here's a snippet, if in somewhat poor picture quality.

The Lost Battalion (2001) on Spout.com

Originally posted on:War Movie Reviews and News