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  • Ass backwards

    Was this review helpful? [Be the first to tell us!]
    Under discussion:

    24 [TV Series]  (2001)

    High Tension  (2005)

    Mirrors  (2008)

    Look, I see scary images in mirrors all the time, but I ultimately conclude that it’s just that merry prankster known as time streaking my face with yet another wrinkle or peppering my head with another gray hair.

    So, Alexandre Aja, director of the new reflective-centric horror film “Mirrors,” I say this to you – bring it on. I doubt you can serve up images scarier to me than the ones I must confront on a daily basis.

    And while the overrated director does try, with countless scenes of inexplicable bloodletting and gore, it musters all the terror of a facial nick by a Gillette Sensor.

    Jack Bauer, I mean, Keifer Sutherland, plays a disgraced cop who is estranged from his family and must resort to overnight security detail of a burned-out building.

    You read that correctly. He’s getting paid to look after a charred structure of wood and slate. And mirrors. Lots and lots of mirrors.

    Seeing as this building was once a popular department store, the mirrors have stories to tell. Are they ghosts? Trapped spirits? Angry Gap customers whose form-fitting khakis looked a tad unflattering?

    No, it involves some hokum about behavioral testing that took place decades ago in the very same structure (prior to when it was a department store, apparently, because that would just be too awkward to have the shock therapy department right next to the lingerie). And these mirrors have trapped some very ugly visages inside that can manipulate modern-day folk into committing senseless acts of special effects.

    The story drags on, playing by the same rules as countless other films based on Asian horror films (and that is… there are no rules). The mirrors drive some suicidal, others homicidal and causes others to straighten their bangs. None of it makes much sense and it’s as though director Aja and co-writer Gregory Levasseur just fill in the gaps between staging gruesome death sequences.

    Sutherland is in full “24” mode, yelling “Dammit!” repeatedly (though sometimes he gets to say “God” in front of it, since this is rated “R” and all). He packs heat and threatens those darn mirrors to stay away from his family (but with a wife as hot as actress Paula Patton, can you really blame the mirror?).

    But just in past seasons of Sutherland’s hit TV show, “Mirrors” becomes unhinged and shatters any semblance it may have once hat. At least there are no mountain lions waiting to pounce on his children in the film.

    Director Aja has somehow earned a modicum of respect, though I can’t discerns what really lifts his style above any of the other generic, quick-cut, assembly line horror films being released every other week in the past few years. His first film, “Haute Tension,” was, um, interesting in fits and starts. And his follow-up, a remake of Wes Craven’s “The Hills Have Eyes,” was but a mere wallow in mutant sadism. The best that can be said for “Mirrors” is that he managed to avoid or digitally erase any time a crew member was reflected in any of the mirrors within the shots.

    Kudos to you, Mr. Aja.

    If you ask me, the murky, noisy, pointlessly bloody execution of “Mirrors" is a true reflection of his talent.


  • War is hell-alrious

    Was this review helpful? [Be the first to tell us!]
    Under discussion:

    Soul Man  (1986)

    Three Amigos!  (1986)

    Bowfinger  (1999)

    Zoolander  (2001)

    Borat  (2006)

    Mamma Mia!  (2008)

    Tropic Thunder  (2008)

    At one point in "Tropic Thunder," the new comedy from writer/director/star Ben Stiller, co-star Robert Downey Jr. plays and Australian Method actor portraying a black southern soldier pretending to be a humble Asian rice farmer.

    And what's Ms. Greatest Living Actor Today, Meryl Streep, doing in the next theater? Oh, that's right. She's working on her tan, kicking it in the Greek Isles and singing ABBA tunes.
    Come Oscar time, if there is any justice, Downey would at least make the "For Your Consideration" rounds for his role as the uber-intense Kirk Lazarus.

     Downey Jr. treats his high-wire performance with such dignity and devotion that he spends almost the entire film in blackface without once seeming condescending or racist.

     But let us back up a bit, shall we?

     "Thunder" is not only a scathing little indictment on the film industry, but, minute for minute, one of the funniest films released this year, overcoming the third-act slump that befalls so many big-budget comedies released today (I'm looking at you square in your bloodshot eyes, "Pineapple Express.").

     The film, centering around a bunch of whiny actors who sign on for an epic war movie, begins with a wonderfully ingenious way to give us all the back story we need about its leads.

     Whatever you do, don't arrive late to this movie. Three previews begin the film, one featuring past-his-prime action doll Tugg Speedman (Stiller) who's milking his once-popular franchise, "Scorcher," for its very last drops of testosterone. It's a well that Speedman has reluctantly returned to after an ill-advised attempt for acting legitimacy while playing a mentally challenged man in "Simple Jack."

     It's followed by "The Fatties," a comedy in which its chubby trainwreck star, Jeff Portney (played by Jack Black), dons various fat suits for a number of roles as a flatulent family.

     Rounding out the trio of trailers is a phony "prestige" picture, "Satan's Alley," starring five-time Academy Award-winning Lazurus as a monk who longs to taste the forbidden fruit of a fellow man of the cloth.

     In that brief setup, we know all that is needed about the three main actors of "Tropic Thunder," the name of a Vietnam opus in which each of the actors will share the screen for various career-enhancing reasons.

     After a series of prissy meltdowns delays production, first-time director Damien Cockburn (played by Steve Coogan) is threatened by a maniacal producer who plans to abort the film altogether.

     In a last-ditch effort he drops off the leads -- with co-stars Alpa Chino (played by newcomer Brandon T. Jackson) and Kevin Sandusky (played by Jay Baruchel) -- deep in the jungle leaving them to their own Blackberry-less, Tivo-less devices.

     It's a comedic plot that harkens back to "To Be or Not to Be," with a lot of "Three Amigos" thrown in for good measure, but Stiller takes the time along the way to slaughter cow after sacred cinematic cow. "Thunder" has countless throwaway gags, none wearing out their welcome like the director sometimes did in his previous effort "Zoolander." And when it's not chucking those at the screen, a number of big-named actors whoop it up in secondary and cameo roles.

     And while Stiller deserves credit for both crafting and capturing the film, it's Downey Jr. who brings "Tropic's" thunder.

     It is a role that could have sunk the film faster than a "Soul Man" sequel, and required the utmost respect in its execution to avoid any hint of racist intent. But in an industry that celebrates the mere weight loss or gain actors undergo for a role just as much as performance itself, he captures the pomposity and disillusionment that some actors embrace for the sake of their "art" with equal amounts wit and warmth.

     There are other surprise pop-up performances that, if you have not heard about yet, you should try to witness firsthand before receiving lame line-readings from friends.

     There is no doubt "Thunder" steps over the line from time to time, but, like "Borat," it's still refreshing to witness a big studio comedy that is willing to stick it's neck out once and a while for a funny, rather than resort to the toothless "yuks" from the wretched parodoic parasites like "Meet the Spartans" and its hell-spawn ilk.

     Not since 1999's "Bowfinger" has Hollywood taken such an intelligently staged skewering, and Stiller has returned to the same biting satiric edge he once sp gloriously displayed in his short-lived television show.

     After seeing "Thunder," it will be hard to hear the about the heavily supervised "hell" actors claim they undergo when prepping for a role without being reminded of one of Downey Jr.'s blisteringly amusing monologues of what it takes to earn one of those prestigious little statuettes Hollywood likes to hand out to one another at year's end.

     

     

     

     


 

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