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  • Deserves 'torture porn' label removed

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    Under discussion:

    Storm Warning  (2007)

    The phrase 'torture porn' has now become an blanketed cliche used by lazy writers who have little creativity to accurately dissect a film on its own merits.

    While this is not masterpiece (and is anyone else sick of things being labeled 'extreme,' like this new division of Dimension?), this Aussie import has its fair share of goosing and terror.

    Yes, the 11th-hour change by one of the protagonists into a female MacGuyver is a stretch, but the atmosphere of fear and dread are palpable in the hour leading up to its climax.

    Bonus points are earned by the lead villans for becoming entrenched in their roles without wallowing in self-parody.

    It follows more closely to the 'Texas Chain Saw Massacre' blueprint than its weak-kneed spawn, such as 'Saw' and 'Hostel.'


  • Stratham's 'Bank' shot

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    Under discussion:

    Cocktail  (1988)

    No Way Out  (1987)

    Species  (1995)

    Snatch  (2000)

    Thirteen Days  (2000)

    Ocean's Eleven  (2001)

    The Transporter  (2002)

    Chaos  (2006)

    Flushed Away  (2006)

    Crank  (2006)

    The Bank Job  (2007)

    War  (2007)

    Jason Statham is not a name that exactly inspires confidence in moveigoers.

    He was director Guy Ritchie’s lapdog for “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels” and “Snatch,” before boxing himself in to roles that played up his martial-arts prowess, squelching any dramatic potential that nuanced his performances.

    Starring in a string of empty-calorie cinematic Twinkies (“The Transporter” films, “Chaos,” “War” and “Crank” were all designed solely to accentuate his pugnacious proclivities) only kept him out of the direct-to-video purgatory that befell fellow fighters Steven Segal and Jean-Claude Van Damme.

    He’s often dismissed as the British version of Bruce Willis (balding, gruff on-screen demeanor, characters of few words and a cupboard filled with cans of whoop-ass), but he has the potential to bring on more than brawn to his roles.

    His followers may be small, but they are loyal, and he has staked his claim on the late-winter box office, when his films are typically released to mild success.

    The generically titled “The Bank Job,” (what, was “Robbery in London” already taken?) is perhaps the most un-Statham film to star Statham, but it is also the most entertaining film on his resume in quite some time, and provides him the chance to trade deadly dropkicks for dramatic dialogue.

    Even though the title claims it was “Based on Actual Events,” you can easily weed out the facts from the filmic flourishes. Yes, it was the 70s; yes there was a robbery; and yes, an amateur ham radio operator overheard the whole break-in and phoned police. The rest of the tale seems wholly constructed from the mind of screenwriters Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais, two Brits responsible for the wry kiddie flick “Flushed Away.”

    Here, the two toss in storylines ranging from Princess Margaret porn pictures to radical black activists to brothel-frequenting Parliament members. And while most of these subplots seem to be creative liberties thrown in to sex up a mundane tale of rookie robbers, they manage to keep all the threads flowing without getting knotted up in confusion.

    Statham plays Terry Leather (nope, not a typo), a two-bit car salesman whose being pinched by some rather unsavory characters collecting on some old debts. Terry is contacted by former flame Martine Love (played by Saffron Burrows) who “stumbled” upon a score that would alleviate Terry of his financial woes and perhaps get something out of it herself.

    Terry hustles his local barroom brethren for the job and within days they are tunneling their way under the streets to a local bank vault.

    “The Bank Job” may come across as a grittier, scrappier, across-the-pond cousin to the “Ocean’s” series, but what it lacks in expensive duds and mega-watt star-power, it makes up for with its hungry heart.

    Director Roger Donaldson has been somewhat of a journeyman behind the camera, responsible for such stillborn atrocities as the Tom-Cruise-bartending-epic “Cocktail” and the I-was-boinked-by-an-alien fiasco “Species,” but he’s also helmed such superior potboilers as “No Way Out” and nail-gnawing “Thirteen Days.”

    He offers no particular flair here, leaving that to the intricate-but-immanently watchable story of Terry and his mates entering what appears to be a financial honeycomb, but instead stirring up a hornets’ nest of trouble.

    Given the lack of big names, vanilla title and low-key release date, “The Bank Job” will most likely vanish to obscurity from the theaters rather quickly. But it is a film that merits cinematic life support from those who bemoan the lack of breezy, twisty thrillers that used to populate the theaters decades ago.

    “The Bank Job” also provides a broader swath of American audiences the chance to witness the magnetism of Statham, who is poised to wrestle free of the trappings of his bare-knuckle cinematic straightjacket and muscle his way into roles that require more kicks from his dialogue than his nimble feet.


  • Air ball

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    The Ladies Man  (2000)

    Ghost Rider  (2007)

    Winter Passing  (2004)

    Blades of Glory  (2007)

    Semi-Pro  (2008)

    This has not been a good week to be at New Line Cinema.


    After getting enslaved by the Time-Warner media monolith last week, the company could not even trumpet its swansong. “Semi-Pro,” the Will Ferrell sports comedy, was the last film to be released while still remaining a “free agent,” tanked at the box office, squeezing out $3 million less than “Meet the Spartans” just a few weeks ago.


    Let that sink in.


    Will Ferrell, who has a string of successes and is a worldwide box office “star,” made less in a comedy than a film that’s biggest asset was a Britney Spears clone shaving her head and breakdancing gladiators.


    Prognosticators are scratching their heads as to how this could happen, offering theories of a tired formula (Will Ferrell + a sport + wacky non-sequiturs = funny), an unstable movie-going weekend (though “Ghost Rider” did better in its second week last year at the same time and “Madea’s Family Reunion” earned $25 million at the same time in 2006), or the fact that the normally PG-13 Ferrell excluded some fans by having an R-rating slapped on this one.


    After watching the film, I have another theory to throw into the mix: it sucked.


    See, I’m convinced I put more effort into that little two-word synopsis than the producers of “Semi-Pro” put into the entire film.


    Cluttered, lazy, wildly unfunny and lit like an underground 70s porno, “Semi-Pro” will most likely not be a nail in Ferrell’s film coffin, but it certainly demonstrates that, without the proper material in place, he’s dangerously close to arm-wrestling Jon Lovitz for special appearances on sitcoms.


    And this is coming from a Feral Ferrell fan.


    Ferrell plays Jackie Moon, a one-hit disco wonder who scooped up his earnings and is now sole owner, promoter and player of the Flint, Michigan Tropics, a struggling ABA team circa 1976.


    When the NBA comes knocking and says it will merge the top four teams of the league, Moon and his team rally to make the cut. There’s no sense getting into too much plot description, for “Semi-Pro” is not about the drama. The trouble is, it’s not about anything else, either.


    It’s almost disconcerting how jokes build in the picture than just linger in the air like some fetid gastric expulsion that just clears the room for the next scene. Ferrell’s former co-stars, David Koechner (“Anchorman”), Will Arnett (“Blades of Glory), Tim Meadows (“The Ladies’ Man”), Rob Corddry (“Blades”), Kristen Wiig (“Saturday Night Live”) – a who’s who of comedians— are all trotted out for cameos that range from boring (Koechner) to brief (Wiig) to disturbingly bizarre (Corddry).


    Director Kent Alterman makes his debut with sledgehammer subtlety. And while I am sure the city of Flint has some wonderful areas and lovely residents, he somehow manages to cake the entire film in a gauze of filth, even staging two pivotal scenes in or near trash bins for no reason whatsoever.


    For all the idiots he prefers to play, Ferrell is a smart comedian. He has amassed a nice little mini-comedic entourage (including directors Adam McKay, Judd Apatow, actors John C. Reilly, and Will Arnett). He has helped launch a much-watched video website (FunnyorDie.com) and has even carved out critical acclaim in few semi-serious roles (“Stranger than Fiction,” Winter Passing”).


    But his level of quality has been steadily sliding since “Anchorman” and Jim Carrey can’t wait to start getting first dibs on the “goofy white guy” scripts Ferrell has been coveting for the past decade.
    On the bright side for Ferrell, I hear there are some openings at New Line Cinema.


  • Far Away, So Close

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    One of my first “real” concert-going experiences (no offense, Power Station!) was witnessing U2 at JFK Stadium in Philadelphia during its “Joshua Tree” tour.

    Even though lead singer Bono was hobbled in an arm sling, the experience led to a passionate love affair with concert-going. I had since caught the band on two more occasions, but as their popularity (and egos) exploded, so did their stage shows. Their music and its messages (and U2 is nothing if not a band interested in sharing its beliefs to the masses) were consumed in a spectacle grand enough to embarrass a Cirque du Soleil clown.

    So after multiple attempts in trying to recapture that initial magical evening, I walked away from subsequent U2 concerts and I still hadn’t found what I was looking for.

    After witnessing “U23D,” now playing at the Dover Mall, all is forgiven.

    The film allowed me to experience the band in ways that could not have been replicated even with backstage passes – from swooping shots of the stage, close-ups that make you feel you could reach out and strum bassist Adam Clayton’s guitar, and soaring panoramic views of capacity crowds in stadiums across South America.

    And co-directors Catherine Owens and Mark Pellington manage to weave just the right amount of intimacy and enormity to the fabric of their film. And what is most notable is that rarely does the 3-D aspect of the film feel like a gimmick as it does a logical extension of a band whose talent and ego cannot be held on a typical movie screen.

    For those who have witnessed the latest digital 3-D incarnation, such as “The Nightmare Before Christmas” or “Beowulf,” you may already be aware that the days of the clunky cardboard red-and-blue glasses are long gone, replaced by a hipper gray-tinted wayfarer frame. The result is much easier on the retinas, and leaves little “ghosting,” a term used to describe the shadows that would appear when the distorted colors of a 3-D film did not quite match up.

    As one who grew up during the time when 3-D made its mercifully brief “comeback,” (“Jaws 3-D,” “Friday the 13th Part 3-D,” “Amityville 3-D,” “Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syd,” “Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone”), I can say this is the first 3-D film that did not feel as though it was constantly flaunting its gimmick. Sure, there are times when Bono oh-so-passionately reaches out to caress the camera during one of his songs, but I get the feeling he does the same think when looking into his bathroom mirror.

    Through most of the movie’s 14-song set list, we view from countless vantage points, sometimes not even realizing that 3-D is in effect (it took about three crowd shots for me to realize those flailing arms impeding my stage view were actually concert goers and not the guys in the front row of the theater).

    And when the stadium lights dim, the crowd becomes illuminated by the flickering LED of tens of thousands of cellphones, bobbing and waving like the lighters of yore.

    Of course, all of the added dimension to the film would be for naught if it were not for such relevant showmen. Bono, Clayton, guitarist The Edge and drummer Larry Mullen still glide through their decades of hits (“Where the Streets Have No Name,” “One,” “Pride,” “Vertigo”), but tweak it ever-so-slightly to fit current world injustices the band feels it needs to shine a spotlight on (“Sunday, Bloody Sunday,” originally about Irish civil rights slaying, now blankets global political inequality).

    Perhaps the best thing about the concert film, though, is that after we have sung along, raised our fists and stamped our feet, we can patiently wait until the very end instead of fretting about leaving just early enough to beat getting stuck in traffic for a good two hours at the end.


 

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