The wind blows northeast failing miserably in its attempt to offer even the slightest relief from the scorching sun above. The sweat drips profusely from my hurting head here as I remain in the confines of almost deafening silence for what has now been 159 days. Too long some have said; too long. As much as I would like to voice my hatred of this I'm afraid I ashamedly cannot. It was my decision after all, but perhaps the wrong one. It is now though I make another. It is now as I hold in my hand a particular perforated souvenir I know it is time. Ah yes, time indeed. Ladies and gentleman, I present to you this ever so special piece: JP Paxton and the Review That Wasn't Suppose to be Written.
It was the summer of 1981 and one of the most recognizable characters in film had been introduced to the world sporting a fedora, leather jacket, pistol, & of course a ten foot bullwhip. His name: Henry Walton Jones, Jr. better known as Indiana Jones. Played then by a thirty-eight year old Harrison Ford, the brave adventurer would forever be remembered as being apart of what many claim to be the greatest adventure film of all time, 'Raiders of the Lost Ark.' Who would've known then we'd still be seeing him up on the big screen here twenty-seven years later? (Please put your hands down.) In 'Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull' Harrison Ford returns for yet another installment of the now classic series proving (not that he had to) he's still got it. Though it may have taken quite a while for him, Steven Speilberg, & George Lucas to arrive at an agreement after seemingly ending the series in '89, it doesn't appear to make any difference to those thousands who flocked to midnight showings just a couple of days ago.
Taking place in 1957 'Crystal Skull' picks up nineteen years after Jones' last escapade 'The Last Crusade.' Once captured by a group of Reds lead by Irina Spalko played by the super talented Cate Blanchett Indy and his friend Mac are forced to aid in their mission to find a lost crystal skull. Along for the ride is star of the moment, Shia LeBeouf as greaser Mutt, Jon Broadbent as a former colleague of Jones' Harold Oxley, & returning to reprise her role as Indy's old flame from 'Raiders' Karen Allen playing the not-so-fiesty-anymore Marion Ravenwood.
Going into this I was absolutely ecstatic. I love the first two and 'Crusade' was okay (please don't kill me) so I was really looking forward to what Speilberg and Lucas had in store hoping to impress us all yet again. Sadly I have to tell you, I was disappointed. It's not horrible by any means though. The initial problem lies within the writing and everything else just goes from there beginning with three character mishaps all the while Harrison as Indy remaining great. Here we had Cate Blanchett, one of my favorite actresses for once as a villain. It wasn't her cheesy accent that got me, it was the fact I couldn't get away from the fact that it was fucking Cate Blanchett. In my eyes, just too big for the role. Also, she wasn't all that dangerous. I mean yeah, she could swordfight and was able to throw a few punches here and there, but I didn't find her to be that evil. Next there's Karen Allen back as Marion Ravenwood. Any good writer would've used her and Indy's reunion as more of a way to make the story more dramatic, while in true Jones style equally humorous. Instead all we end up getting is Karen smiling as wide as she can no matter what as if she's just thrilled to have even been invited back. Then finally there's LeBeouf a.k.a. Mr. Hey I Can Have Three Hit Movies In One Summer But Not Really Have Any Talent. Did anyone actually take him seriously in this? I'm sorry, but I just don't see him as the knife-wielding badass type. To me he came off like a pretty boy with a cool cycle.
The other issue I had regarding this shameful screenplay was the overall inclusion of over-the-top action scene after over-the-top action scene set to an overall flat storyline. This is pretty much how the film flows: death defying stunt, another defying stunt, one more death defying stunt, little bit of story, repeat. With that said, it can't go without saying that there were in fact some really fun and enjoyable moments throughout. The cycle chase, fight atop the cars, as well as the ants attack were all spectacular. I just would've preferred a more well paced approach as was seen in 'Raiders.'
The thing about 'Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull' though is that there are so many fans out there that will just be pleased another Jones movie has been made that nothing will be able to tarnish their opinion of it. I completely understand that. However, although it's not what they want to hear, the sad truth is, 'Crystal Skull' skull is just okay. Not awful, not fantastic, just okay. If you're looking to pass a couple of hours with some mindless fun, this is the way to do it.