Tenenbaums Blog

In The Catcher in the Rye, Phoebe Caulfield tells her brother Holden that their brother D.B. is out in Hollywood writing a movie about the Annapolis Naval Academy. Holden quickly exclaims that D.B. knows nothing about Annapolis, therefore why would he do such a phony thing as write about the place? 55 years later, D.B. has finished his script under the alias David Collard and the result is called simply... Annapolis.

A somewhat staged documentary, the film is also a recruitment tool for the Navy. Tyrese Gibson’s Cole, an officer seemingly on hire from the Marines, also provides a plug for that branch of the military.

But the story extends far beyond the Academy grounds. James Franco, as Jake Huard, personifies the everyday American and his story represents the possibilities inside one and all. Anyone can come from obscurity and make it into a prestigious establishment such as Annapolis. Then, if you have enough determination, you can quickly rise to the top of the recruits’ ranks, earn the respect of all of your former adversaries, and get the girl (who wanted you from the beginning). Better yet, you can earn a tear-restraining nod of approval from your father, which transcends those previous glories for most of Annapolis’ sawed-off male audience with “Daddy” issues.

In Annapolis, we see a screenwriter at the top of his game, hunkered deep in intertextuality as he makes one allusion after another. Brilliantly disguised as a military drama, “Collard” again draws on his literary roots. Also in The Catcher in the Rye," Holden, himself a military school student, recalls a student who was insulted to his emotional limit and then jumped out of his dorm window. “Collard” pays respect to J.D. Salinger by having an obese African-American follow suit. However, the screenwriter’s heart is far more compassionate than Salinger’s as he allows the recruit to live following his fall and also give Huard inspiring words to give him the necessary final push to greatness. In this moment and other notable ones, the soaring string arrangements by Bryan Tyler only further lift the audience’s heart in the midst of this inspirational tale.

Riding the recent popularity of high-profile boxing films, such as Million Dollar Baby and Cinderella Man (as if the genre ever took a break!), Annapolis continues the tradition of greatness in the ring. Will the underdog Huard gain enough weight to fight his rival in the Academy tournament? Will he become his equal after one school term with no prior experience? And will he get the chance to meet him in the finals? Surprisingly, the answer to all of these questions is “yes.” I continue to clutch my seizing heart as I write this.

“Collard” (clearly a pen name. No one has the same last name as a vegetable) is also keenly aware of the cinematic greats who have come before him. At one point, Huard and company are forced to do an alarming amount of push-ups in a consistently falling rain. Though he is able to answer all of Cole’s Annapolis trivia, Huard is still forced to remain by himself and do up-downs. Tipping his hat to Stanley Kubrick, “Collard” has the rest of Huard’s class rejoin him and in an act of solidarity perform their unnecessary up-downs. The DVD subtitles may reveal one of the budding midshipmen whispering “I am Spartacus.”

Also, the filmmakers were able to coax Sylvester Stallone’s stunt double from the Rocky films to make a cameo as the referee in the championship match. His gracing of the film symbolizes the last bit of icing on the cake and solidifies Annapolis’ status as the next great boxing picture. “Collard” would do well to begin writing his Best Original Screenplay acceptance speech now.

If nothing else, X-Men: The Last Stand provides an important message for the throngs of teens and pre-teens who comprise the majority of its ticket sales. When Iceman and Pyro have their face-off, Pyro tells his rival, "You should have stayed at the academy." His comment provides the needed catalyst to turn Iceman into a giant popsicle and head-butt the flamethrower. "You never should have left," Iceman retorts. "Stay In School" is all over this movie and should convince any on-the-fence grade schoolers to continue their education.

The relationship complications between Rogue and Iceman could have been avoided without Rogue being cured of her mutant "disease." In the presence of the mutant cure child, other mutants' powers are temporarily deactivated. Iceman should have befriended the cure child. If he was in a room with Rogue and Iceman, Rogue would lose her ability to steal mutants' powers and she could touch Iceman without fear of her boyfriend's death. If the couple wanted to get risky, the cure child could go hide in a nearby closet. Love crisis averted and they could go back to being mutants outside of the cure child's presence! Instead, Rogue turns herself into a useless human while Iceman can still chill.

Also, like any good homosexual, Ian McKellan ended up in San Francisco.

I purchased Chasing Holden on DVD in fall 2005 when my thesis concerning J.D. Salinger in film was much more broad than the final product. When the movie arrived, I knew I was in trouble: the type at the top of the cover said, "Starring DJ Qualls of the hit The New Guy."

This is the worst movie I have ever seen. Plan 9 From Outer Space was at least cohesive. Besides a scene of sudden, unnecessary profanity that Qualls' character spits before returning to his subdued "nice guy," there are many other inconsistencies. The most notable example is when Rachel Blanchard's character shoots at Qualls when he enters their hotel room. She mistakes him for the sleazy, stalking hotel manager and blasts a bullet just over his head. Instead of freaking out, he lazily says something like, "Whoa! Watch your aim," and then goes back to being "the cool guy." Holden Caulfield may have been manic-depressive, but do the script and acting need to be bipolar?

It's a shame that this movie (don't call it a film) is so bad. The premise is intriguing and Qualls has emerged into an interesting actor, most recently in Hustle and Flow.

However, the true shame is that "Mystery Science Theatre 3000" is on longer on the air. Their roast of Chasing Holden would have been priceless.