Just as we’d prefer for Hollywood to remake bad films rather than beloved classics, we’d also like to see more TV adaptations of obscure and failed series — as long as there’s going to be such a giant void of creativity anyway, why not go for the forgotten titles and at least make it seem like you’ve got fresh ideas?
Unfortunately, Hollywood continues to ignore our logic and is instead adapting the popular 80s cop show T.J. Hooker for the big screen. It may not be the most familiar or beloved series of all time, but it has enough name recognition to make it a success, a la the S.W.A.T. and Starsky & Hutch movies before it.
We have no interest in yet another veteran/rookie team-up, though, especially a blatantly recycled one. So we decided to mine deeper into our TV Guide issues from the 80s and pick out some lesser-known high-concept shows that would make awesome movies if only they had more of a built-in, nostalgic audience to justify a green light.
Check out our pitches after the jump, and thank us when Hollywood gets wise to the ideas.
Automan
Originally aired on ABC, 1983 – 1984
With a new TRON movie on the way, an adaptation of this TV knock-off may seem unnecessary, but it’s different enough in plot that it could work, provided the visuals are updated and changed from the glowing blue color scheme that linked it with Disney’s film. The premise involves a computer-whiz cop who creates an artificial intelligence hologram that can enter the real world (see, it’s inversely separate from TRON) and assist the policeman in his crime fighting. “Automan,” the hologram character, also comes with a sidekick in the form of a little ball of light (named “Cursor”), which can draw objects, including vehicles such as Lamborghinis and helicopters, as needed for the case at hand. We see it as The Matrix meets Knight Rider (both shows were created by Glen A. Larson) meets TRON (obviously) meets a buddy cop movie.
The Charmings
Originally aired on ABC, 1987 – 1988
Enchanted was such a box office smash that it’s surprising Sony didn’t bother to dust this show off and turn it into a similar family film. Instead of a mere princess transported to the real world, The Charmings features Snow White, Prince Charming, their two sons, the wicked stepmother and a dwarf, all of whom magically sleep for a millennium and wake up in modern-day California. There’s also a magic mirror, of course. Get Anne Hathaway and Channing Tatum to star with Meryl Streep as the evil Queen Lillian and Tracy Morgan as the mirror and you’ve got a new fantasy favorite, especially now that there’s been a few years since Enchanted and nobody will even notice the likeness.
Jennifer Slept Here
Originally aired on NBC, 1983 – 1984
Imagine your house was haunted by a famous actress. That’s pretty much the plot of Jennifer Slept Here, in which a family moves into the home of recently deceased movie star Jennifer Farrell, and she’s still residing there. Only the teenage son can see her, though, so it’s kind of like Beetlejuice meets Sunset Blvd. We think the actress’ age should be brought down a lot so she’s about the same age as the kid, and they have a bit of an impossible romantic situation going on. Cast Megan Fox as the titular ghost and turn it into a sort of teen sex comedy, and the kids will flock to it a great deal faster than they did for the last few ghost comedies, Ghost Town and Over Her Dead Body.
Manimal
Originally aired on NBC, 1983
It may have been canceled before even Jennifer Slept Here in one of NBC’s worst seasons for new shows ever, but this title has a lot more going for it. Even if people don’t remember the short-lived series, they may think they do, because the name is so catchy. It also helps that Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Talladega Nights and Foo Fighters all referenced the show, which involves a crime fighter who can shape-shift into a hawk, a snake or a black panther. Though this could be a somewhat serious cross between the Batman and X-Men movies, due to its cheesy and cultish legacy we see the movie as a comedy and for some reason picture Owen Wilson starring.
Outlaws
Originally aired on CBS, 1986 – 1987
It’s similar in plot to The Charmings, but Outlaws features cowboys rather than medieval fairy tale characters. Specifically the cowboys consist of one Old West sheriff and four members of an outlaw gang of which he used to be a member. Upon being struck by lightning, the five men travel about a century into the future, make a truce and set up a “detection” agency. The scenario may seem to require a silly tone, but just imagine it as a serious mix of Young Guns, The Cowboy Way and a Walker, Texas Ranger TV movie, with hot young stars (Robert Pattinson as one of the five, perhaps?) as the displaced detectives.
Rubik, the Amazing Cube
Originally aired on ABC, 1983 – 1984
After the recent announcement of the View-Master movie, many people wondered when there’d be a Rubik’s Cube film in the works. Well, if (when) there ends up such a project, it should be based on this Saturday morning cartoon about a magical Rubik’s Cube toy that comes to life when all its colored squares are arranged back in place. “Rubik” befriends the three Rodriguez siblings, who are masters at solving the puzzle, and aids them against an evil magician. With a primarily Hispanic cast, the movie should be especially popular in Latino markets. And Ricky Martin, whose band Menudo performed the cartoon’s theme song, should appropriately be prominent on the film’s soundtrack. Of course, Hollywood being Hollywood, the ethnicity would more likely be whitened so that the Jonas Brothers could star.
She’s the Sheriff
Originally syndicated, 1987 – 1989
The TV show was about the widow of a killed sheriff who is for some reason appointed her late husband’s position (over the eligible deputies), but we think a movie based on the series should go further. Call it She’s the President and have Anna Faris (or Elizabeth Banks or Reese Witherspoon) play a First Lady whose hubby is assassinated, and she’s somehow sworn in as Commander-in-Chief instead of the Vice President. Ludicrous, sure, but given Hillary Clinton’s bid for the White House and everyone’s probable preference for Michelle Obama over Joe Biden, the comedy wouldn’t seem like too much of a stretch.
Small Wonder
Originally syndicated, 1985 – 1989
It may not be as obscure as the rest of the shows on this list, but Small Wonder was hardly popular enough, even with a cult audience, to be considered a sure thing by Hollywood producers looking for an easy exploit. Still, as the bottoms of barrels are scraped for ideas, eventually it’ll be a likely candidate for a film adaptation. Never mind that it could veer awfully close to being a creepy, pedophilic knock-off of A.I. A comedy about a family that includes a robot daughter/sister, one with super human strength and literal understanding, is timelessly hilarious, and plenty of young moviegoers unfamiliar with the original series will want to see it. Especially with Miley Cyrus in the role of “V.I.C.I.”
Starstuff
Originally aired on WCAU-TV (Philadelphia’s local NBC affiliate), 1980
Probably the most obscure title on the list, given that it was a local kids’ show, Starstuff isn’t any less ripe for a film adaptation. The main premise involves a young boy in the present who can communicate, via computer, with a young girl who lives on a space station 30 years in the future. Think Frequency meets The Lake House (and the original version, Il Mare), but for a family audience. Although we’re now living in the time that the girl was supposedly residing in, the plot should remain the same, with the boy living in the present (2010, or whenever). And maybe the end of the movie could have the boy, at age 40, finally physically meet the girl, at age 20, and they fall in love. Or would that be a bit weird and inappropriate?
Voyagers!
Originally aired on NBC, 1982 – 1983
We seem to recall this being re-aired by the Sci Fi Channel, so it might have gained a new audience recently, but even if that were not the case this short-lived cross between Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Time Bandits and TV’s Sliders and Quantum Leap (with some Night at the Museum possibly thrown in) would still make for a terrific movie. It follows a time traveler whose job is to navigate history and make sure events unfold as they’re supposed to. After his guidebook is lost, he teams up with a kid who knows his history well, and the duo set off to put right what could go wrong. The film should somewhat follow the plot of the “Trial of Phineas Bogg” episode, because it deals with the lost guidebook and also features an actual villain, the evil Voyager Drake — who should be played by the rapper Drake. As for the leads, we’re thinking a reunion of Role Models‘ Paul Rudd and Christopher Mintz-Plasse, because the kid should be that nerdy.
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