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Under discussion:

The Distinguished Gentleman  (1992)

Down and Out in Beverly Hills  (1986)

Flash Gordon  (1980)

The Front Page  (1931)

The Front Page  (1974)

The Hunchback of Notre Dame  (1939)

King Kong  (1933)

Mr. Deeds Goes to Town  (1936)

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington  (1939)

The Mummy  (1932)

Return to Oz  (1985)

Scarface  (1983)

The Wizard of Oz  (1939)

The Women  (1939)

Death Takes a Holiday  (1934)

Flash Gordon: Space Soldiers  (1936)

Mary Shelley's Frankenstein  (1994)

Meet Joe Black  (1998)

The Mummy  (1999)

Mr. Deeds  (2002)

The Hunchback of Notre Dame  (1996)

King Kong  (2005)

The Women  (2008)

Anticipating the worst from Diane English’s new remake of The Women is not just typical low expectations regarding remakes in general. My dread is specifically based on dissatisfaction with remakes and updates of films from the 1930s, arguably the best decade in cinema (it is certainly my favorite). While I may recognize and appreciate some favorable redos, such as DePalma’s Scarface (of which I’ve never really been a fan), Mazursky’s Down and Out in Beverly Hills and the multiple repeats from Hitchcock, I am more often disappointed with attempts to recreate ‘30s classics, even when I approach them with already low standards.

Worst, for me, doesn’t necessarily have to do with the quality of the film alone, especially when related to remakes and updates. The titles and versions I’ve selected are hardly the worst in terms of craft or production value — you’ll note there are no Dracula movies on this list — and a few would almost be acceptable if they were more unique or solitary works.

10. Return to Oz (1985)

I begin with a film that is not a remake in any form but tone. Yet I still see it as a kind of response to and update of the far more popular classic The Wizard of Oz (1939), which was viewed by some as not faithful enough to the source literature of L. Frank Baum.  It was a bit of a guilty pleasure for me growing up, but I lost regard for the film after suffering through a professor’s defensive screening of it on the last day of a film history course. Sure, it’s truer to Baum and the illustrations of W.W. Denslow and John R. Neill, but as MGM’s beautiful 1939 interpretation shows, it’s better to be imaginative than loyal when translating works between mediums.

9. The Front Page (1974)

Billy Wilder’s version of the Ben Hecht and Charles MacArthur play, which was first adapted to film in 1931, is plenty hilarious thanks to stars Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau, as well as to a slew of terrific character actors, including Vincent Gardenia, Charles Durning, Austin Pendleton and Dick O’Neill. Also, the film’s homosexual innuendo is an interesting way of acknowledging Howard Hawks’ 1940 gender altering redo, His Girl Friday. I’d definitely choose Wilder’s film over the subsequent big screen version, the 1988 update Switching Channels, but compared to earlier adaptations and to Wilder’s earlier work, the ’74 Front Page is still quite a dissatisfying effort. My biggest problems are with the film’s artificial look, particularly its use of costumes that look more appropriate for a costume party than a period film, the gaudiness of the dialogue, especially the double entendres, and the miscasting of both Carol Burnett and Susan Sarandon (though my annoyance with the women in the film provide further acceptance of the gay undertones).

8. The Distinguished Gentleman (1992)

This loose and uncredited reworking of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939) could have been a worthy update had it included more laughs and more of a bite. The concept of placing a small-time con man in the big-time con of politics is ripe for good comedy and satire, plus it makes me think of the respectable crook/crooked respectability angle of Lubitsch’s Trouble in Paradise. Too bad the script was unsatisfactory (not surprising given it came partly from the screenwriter behind Leonard Part 6) and star Eddie Murphy was at the awkward moment of his career when he somehow lost his usual talent for comedy.

7. Flash Gordon (1980)

I have to admit that I do actually love this movie. Well, to be fair, I only really love Queen’s score, Brian Blessed’s voice and Max Von Sydow’s makeup. The rest I just like. Anyway, despite my guilty pleasure in watching the thing on television throughout my childhood, it’s neither a good movie nor a successful update. It doesn’t really do the ‘30s Flash Gordon serials justice by being either a big-budget improvement or a tonally and narratively faithful throwback (comparatively, Star Wars succeeded at doing both).

6. The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)

Disney’s idea to animate Victor Hugo’s novel was of questionable taste, but the studio’s need to so closely imitate William Dieterle’s 1939 adaptation was of questionable creative judgment. When I watch Disney’s Robin Hood, I’m not reminded of how much better Michael Curtiz’s 1938 version is; similarly, I’m able to appreciate the animated Beauty and the Beast and Alice and Wonderland without thinking of previous adaptations. Especially given the controversial lewdness and the simplification of the story, Disney’s version of Hunchback seems an insult to the source novel, Dieterle’s film and Charles Laughton’s characterization.

5. Meet Joe Black (1998)

I’m a hypocrite to criticize anyone’s inability to be concise, but a three-hour remake of a 78-minute film (1934’s Death Takes a Holiday) displays a level of excess that even my meandering can’t compare to. Don’t get me wrong, though; I’m no hater of long films. But if you can make a long story short, it’s preferred that you do so.

4. The Mummy (1999)

There’s no problem with reimagining a classic horror film as a blockbuster action movie, but taking something so iconically frightening as Boris Karloff’s Imhotep (in the ‘32 version) and updating the look with laughably cartoonish CGI is unfortunate. I know I’m on the other side of the fence from the moviegoers who made this a hit, but I would have actually enjoyed it more if the villain were depicted as a guy wrapped in bandages.

3. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein (1994)

Of course, CG may have been better than this. In fact, the only thing worse than Robert De Niro as the Creature would have been a hand-drawn animated Frankenberry in the role.

2. King Kong (2005)

Technically, the 1976 remake with Jeff Bridges is a worse film, but that version at least took some interesting liberties in updating the 1933 classic. Peter Jackson’s intention seemed to be only to faithfully recreate the original with better special effects. And given the fact that many of the CG sequences are embarrassingly awful, I have to say this film was a more monumental failure in terms of purpose and promise. Jackson gave me yet another reason for questioning the point of filmmakers remaking their favorite films.

1. Mr. Deeds (2002)

Other than the minor way in which this comedy updates the conservative message of Mr. Deeds Goes to Town (1936), there is really no reason for Capra’s film to have been remade, especially with such broad, immature comedy from Adam Sandler. While the original Mr. Deeds completely speaks to and of its time, this includes no topicality, no compelling historical or contemporary relevancy and no lasting cultural significance.

Under discussion:

Able Danger  (2008)

A hit at the most recent Rotterdam Film Festival, Paul Krik’s feature debut Able Danger is a Flatbush, Brooklyn set post 9/11 conspiracy tale that hinges its low budget thrills directly to a studied pastiche of classic film noir and a healthy cynicism of our government’s possible role in the events of 9/11 and the subsequent dive into a state of perpetual middle eastern war in the name of defending freedom. Krik, who occasionally goes by the name Dave Herman, has the hip threads and thousand yard stare that are par for the course for Brooklyn conspiracy theorists, but he also has sure handed feel for cinema. With deftness he milks paranoia out of his crisp, hi-def B&W images and creates an altogether plausible conspiracy that barely name checks the controlled demolition theory, but nonetheless synthesizes large quantities of suspicious information from that sunny tuesday morning seven years ago. On the eve of his film’s NYC release at the Pioneer later this week, we caught up with Paul to talk about––what else?–– Entourage, Atlas Shrugged, the desire to work with Cate Blanchett and Greek versus German philosophy.

What films or television shows have you seen recently?

Film:
Mongol, Transsiberian,  Iron Man, The Dark Knight, Be Kind Rewind, 10,000 BC, Harold & Kumar 2, Indiana Jones, High Anxiety, When the Full Moon Rises

TV:
Dexter, Entourage

Which ones stuck with you and why?

Dexter resonates so loudly in the depths of my soulless soul that laughs bounced around in there and come screaming out. I feel somehow when watching Dexter as if it speaks only to me. I love rooting for the serial killer. That’s the essence of noir — the highly imperfect hero who convinces you that you would kill too, and that, indeed, it’s the right thing to do if only you had the courage.

Entourage sticks with me because it’s preparing me for my meeting with Harvey. I’m ready to face Harvey Scissorhands. Let’s make a deal.

Movies haven’t really stuck with me of late….but I haven’t been going to as many as I would like. I got kids now, too many kids’ movies. The only thing that REALLY stuck with me in the past couple years was I’m Not There, especially Cate Blanchett — but not only her. I coudn’t get over that performance and the brilliance of her casting.  Inspirational.  Somehow her talent and beauty matched Dylan’s at his most beautiful moment where he was overflowing with youthful talent. My goals is to make a movie with her. If I can get credited for being a director for rolling a camera on her doing basically anything than I’ll be a success.  I mean I loved No Country for Old Men, but then again, it was basically just as good as the book….Kudos for making a movie nearly as good!

Does your interest in them have anything to do with your own work as a filmmaker?

Of course, I’m completely driven by jealousy in the best possible way. The Greek’s believed there were two desires that motivated all action; Eros and Eris. Passion and Jealousy. It’s only the inspiration of the great films that have come before that motivate me.  Kubrik calls me out every day.

How often do you read fiction? Do you wish you read more?

I read fiction often. No I don’t wish I read more. I’m a Hegelian in that sense, the actual is rational. I read as much as I can. The only thing I wish for more of is time with my kids.

What would be your ideal literary adaptation and why?

The Atlas Shrugged. It’s got deep philosophical undertones and a revolutionary sensibility with a hottest sexiest uber chick that ever was; Dagney Taggert and coolest bad ass pirate ever, Ragnar Danneskjold,  who steals all the gold from Fort Knox. Not to mention the greatest inventor of all time, John Galt, who invents the next source of energy. More than ever, ‘Who is John Galt!?’

Also Still Life With Woodpecker would be good too for the same revolutionary, sexy, philosophical sentiments.

How, if at all, has reading informed your filmmaking?

I’m into the classics. I studied Greek philosophy and German philosophy. I like stuff with intelligent references. The best films fire at all levels — they hit you in the gut with the sex and the violence and the action and they hit you in the head with deep philosophical, pscyhological, social, and/or political commentary.

What are you listening to recently?

The making of this movie has taken me out of the mode of listening to new music to the point of distraction.

My inspiration for this movie was Woody Guthrie, the true American hero who stood up to the McCarthy when he was accusing every controversial American artist of communism and basically told him to shut up in front of Congress. Especially, ‘All You Fascists Born to Lose.’  If I had had any money I would have tried to license that track as well as the Billy Brag remake.

If you could collaborate with one musician on a film, who would it be and why?

Hmmmm. What an impossible question. Of course I would want to work with the three amazing composers who worked on Able Danger;  Michael Montes, John Roome and Alexander Schiebel….

…but if you’re going to demand which living musician that it’s feasible for me to work with…for me it would have to be someone still close to their prime… I think I’d have to say Jack White…His music always conjurs up narrative imagery for me and it’s not jsut because of the excellent music videos. He’s got a classic referential aspect to everything he does, but it’s always original and rocking and funny.

him and John Williams….

• I’m skeptical about James Franco portraying Allen Ginsberg in the courtroom-set biopic Howl (can anyone but David Cross be cast after I’m Not There?), but now that Paul Rudd, Jeff Daniels, Mary-Louise Parker, Alan Alda and David Straithairn are also aboard, it could at least be a decent ensemble piece.
• Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers, U2 and now … Blue Man Group? The painted trio is the latest group to be given a 3-D concert film. I wonder if David Cross just blue himself in the hopes of getting a part in it.
• New Line has acquired an upcoming novel from Richard Doetsch about a man accused of killing his wife and his trip back in time — in one-hour increments — to save her. Titled The Thirteenth Hour, Variety says it’s being described as The Bourne Identity meets The Time Traveler’s Wife, but obviously it’s more like The Fugitive meets Memento (meets — hopefully — David Cross).
• New Line is also making a romantic comedy that’s an obvious cross between Slap Shot and The Devil Wears Prada. And, not obviously, it’s based on a true story.