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This week, thanks to The Rocker, we can add another fictional band to the long list of music groups created solely for the movies. They’re called Vesuvius, and they’re an ‘80s hair band with a hit song titled “Promised Land.” As part of the film’s marketing, the track was offered as a free download for play on Rock Band (see the clip above). But if you ask me, the wrong tune was used in the promotion. Another song from the soundtrack, also credited to Vesuvius, is called “Pompeii Nights,” and it’s definitely the better of the two.

I’m not surprised, though. While most people favor the songs of Spinal Tap, a once-fictional band that has become popular enough to evolve into a “semi-fictional” performing act, I’ve preferred such gems as “The Whites of Their Eyes” by PEZ® People, from The Big Picture. Also co-written by This is Spinal Tap’s Christopher Guest and Michael McKean, and sung by McKean, this song is apparently so underrated that I can’t even find an audio sample, let along a YouTube clip of the fake band’s music video, which was directed by fictional filmmaker Lydia Johnson (Jennifer Jason Leigh).

Fortunately, for the benefit of this list, the rest of these under-appreciated tracks have a few fellow fans.

1. “Howard the Duck” by Cherry Bomb, from Howard the Duck

I’m still certain that I was this movie’s biggest fan. While growing up, I owned a VHS copy, the comic book adaptation and the novelization, and I still watched the edited version whenever it showed up on commercial television. Unfortunately, though, I never owned the soundtrack, which is, unsurprisingly, out of print (though available on eBay). It’s okay, because the catchy theme song has forever been lodged in my head. Performed diegetically by a fictional Runaways-inspired band, the Razzie-nominated “Howard the Duck” features vocals by actress Lea Thompson and funk legend George Clinton, plus Joe Walsh on guitar and Thomas Dolby, who co-wrote and produced all of Cherry Bomb’s songs, on synthesizer (off screen the song is credited to “Dolby Cube”).

Cherry Bomb had four songs in the movie’s soundtrack, and some were definitely better than others. “Hunger City” is also kinda catchy, but that’s possibly only because it sounds reminiscent of Hall & Oats’ “Family Man.” Meanwhile, I absolutely love the slower “Don’t Turn Away,” which, unlike the title number, lacks Clinton’s vocals and Walsh’s guitar playing; yet it makes up for it with a little harmonica part performed by none other than Stevie Wonder. Perhaps its just my being a fan of ‘80s girl groups like The Go-Gos (check out Thompson doing a duet with Belinda Carlisle here) and The Bangles, but I could really have gone for a full album, and maybe a tour, a la Spinal Tap, from Cherry Bomb.

2. “BBC” by Ming Tea, from Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

As far as fictional ‘60s bands go, Ming Tea is by far my favorite over such groups as The Oneders, aka The Wonders (from That Thing You Do!) and The Rutles (from All You Need is Cash), the latter of which is only as good as the Beatles tunes they spoof. Of course, I do like to think only of this poppy number from the first film, as well as the “psychedelic scene breaks” from the first and second films and ignore the relatively ‘90s-sounding “Daddy Wasn’t There” from Austin Powers in Goldmember, which seems like a reject from one of Matthew Sweet’s later albums (Sweet is a member of and co-songwriter for the fictional Ming Tea). Again, part of my love for Ming Tea could be due to my love for The Bangles, whose Susanna Hoffs was a member of the fake group (she is also the wife of Jay Roach, who directed all three Austin Powers movies). Someday I’d like to see another Nuggets box set featuring only fictional garage rock bands like Ming Tea, The Archies, etc.

3. “Riverbottom Nightmare Band” by The Riverbottom Nightmare Band (or simply The Nightmare), from Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas

Speaking of The Archies, if a fictional rock band from a cartoon can have a hit song continually played on oldies radio, why can’t this fictional rock band from a Muppet TV special get the same treatment? Is it because the vocals are actually pretty terrible? Is it because they’re the villains of the story? Maybe The Archies’ “Sugar Sugar” was the #1 pop song of 1969, but this eponymous tune was written by Oscar-winner Paul Williams, who also gave us such memorable songs as “(Just an) Old Fashioned Love Song,” “The Rainbow Connection” and The Carpenters’ “Rainy Days and Mondays” and “We’ve Only Just Begun.” Plus, if it’s any consolation, RNB’s keyboardist, a bear named Chuck, could totally kick Archie’s ass. Also worthy of radio play, though it’s probably not quite as underrated: “Can You Picture That” by Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem, from The Muppet Movie (and also co-written by Williams).

4. “Goodbye, Eddie, Goodbye” by The Juicy Fruits, from Phantom of the Paradise

I’m not always a big fan of this doo-wop revival kind of glam rock, but I really like this track from Brian DePalma’s musical, favoring it over such “real” tunes as Gary Glitter’s cover of Dion’s “The Wanderer” and “made-up” songs as those in The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Maybe it’s because this song is also penned by Paul Williams? Technically, because the movie bombed and is still hardly celebrated (at least compared to TRHPS), the whole soundtrack should be on this list.

5. “Two-Way Romeo” by The Bang Bang, from Brothers of the Head

I don’t think anyone else even saw this faux rock documentary (it’s not funny enough to be considered a mockumentary), let alone paid attention to its better-than-necessary soundtrack. Basically the song is by British pop-punk band Crackout (or members of the band, anyway), but it’s pretty authentic sounding for the film’s ‘70s setting.

6. “Never Did No Wanderin’” by The Folksmen, from A Mighty Wind

Part of my disappointment with this movie was that the songs are actually pretty good — and not necessarily funny. Silly, yes. Witty, yes. But not exactly over the top, laugh-out-loud funny, the way I prefer Christopher Guest movies to be. Yet I would actually go see The Folksmen before I would go see Spinal Tap, which features the same three actors (Guest, Michael McKean and Harry Shearer, who in fact opened for themselves by having The Folkmen and Spinal Tap tour together in 2001). If they didn’t perform their cover of The Rolling Stones’ “Start Me Up,” though, I would be very dissatisfied.
Much of the non-Folksmen songs on the soundtrack are actually pretty lame, including the Oscar-nominated “A Kiss at the End of the Rainbow.” I believe that had it all been more upbeat, a la The Folksmen’s “Old Joe’s Place” (which, along with “Blood on the Coal,” was actually introduced on Saturday Night Live way back in 1984), “Corn Wine” and “Never Did No Wanderin’” it could have been as successful an album as the O Brother, Where Art Thou? CDs.

7. “Sweat of My Balls” by CB4, from CB4

The more memorable song from this near-mockumentary might be “Straight Outta Locash,” yet like the songs by The Rutles, it’s too clear a redo of a preexisting song (N.W.A.’s “Straight Outta Compton”). I guess I’m not that knowledgeable about rap music, but I had always thought “Sweat of My Balls” was actually original. Turns out, it’s actually a parody of Kool G. Rap’s “Talk Like Sex.” Well, since that song is also underrated (enough that I’d never heard of it), I stand by my inclusion of the less familiar-sounding CB4 track.

8. “My Peanuts” by N.W.H., from Fear of a Black Hat

I am at least aware that this song, which comes from a film similar to — though much less successful than — CB4, is a redo of Run-DMC’s “My Addidas.” But it’s so damn ridiculous that I wasn’t able to make the connection between the songs until many years after first seeing the movie. Just imagine how popular peanuts would be if the National Peanut Board used this rap in advertisements.

9. “(Just Around the Corner to the) Light of Day” by The Barbusters, from Light of Day

It’s not uncommon for a song written for a movie to become a real-world hit. And when it’s written by Bruce Springsteen, as this one was, you almost expect it to be a success. Yet despite the fact that both Springsteen and Joan Jett, who stars in the film as a member of the fictional Barbusters, have made the tune a staple of their respective live concert sets, it still doesn’t get the kind of general attention paid to, say, “On the Dark Side” from that other ‘80s bar band movie, Eddie and the Cruisers. Why isn’t this played heavily on classic rock radio? And by “this” I of course mean the version featuring Michael J. Fox and, yes, Michael McKean (man, he loves the fictional bands).

10. “It Don’t Worry Me” by Albuquerque, from Nashville

This is just a solo singer (played by Barbara Harris) rather than a whole group, but she’s still fictional and the song was still written for the film. And it’s sung during what may be the best film ending of all time (hence its appropriate position at the end of the list). Somehow Keith Carradine won an Oscar for writing the most boring tune in this Robert Altman classic (“I’m Easy”), while this song, also written by Carradine, is clearly more enjoyable.