When I first saw the trailer for Wanted, I figured it was just another Matrix ripoff. And I’m sure there are many other people who thought the same thing. Of course, some Matrix ripoffs aren’t bad — I absolutely love Kurt Wimmer’s Equilibrium, for example — but most are. Even worse, though, are the parodies of the Matrix’s “bullet time” sequences. Do we really need to see another movie character bend over backwards to avoid a bullet (or milk)? Or another movie character suspended in motion while the camera tracks around him or her?
It’s no wonder that until yesterday, I had pretty much dismissed Wanted, because of that Matrix-like bullet time sequence in which Morgan Freeman shoots around a slab of meat to hit an unseen target. Yet as of yesterday, the movie’s Rotten Tomatoes rating was 100% (Anthony Lane’s New Yorker review, posted today, is the first “rotten” one, taking it down to 92%). Now I’m more intrigued. Still, it doesn’t change the fact that that bullet time sequence is there, reminding me of the worst that The Matrix has inspired in the past decade. To remind you, too, I’ve compiled a bunch of clips that should provide you with similar doubt.
The Gap “Khaki Swing” Ads - Soon after The Matrix came out and blew our minds with the effect, Gap had to ruin its cool factor real quick by showing just how easily it could be redone and exploited. These commercials also began ruining Louis Prima and the neo-swing movement in general, so it’s especially evil in my mind.
Ultraviolet - OK, not so much a parody, but it’s so blatantly a Matrix ripoff that it should be considered such. The buildup of this sequence is so excessively stylized that after watching it I never wanted to see another bullet time sequence ever again.
Wing Commander - I never saw this movie, so I don’t know what’s happening in the bullet time sequence with the milk frozen in air (seen in the trailer, above), but any movie featuring a bullet time sequence involving milk is a sure sign of a bad movie (see Kung Pow! Way of the Fist, below)
Michael Jordan - Is this an ad? Or is it just another excuse just to use this effect?
The Simpsons “New Kids on the Blecch” - This episode featured a very minor Matrix parody with guest stars NSYNC displaying a dance move called “The Matrix”. It would have been just another simple imitation if not for the one guy falling out of place, which is a little funny. (I apologize for making you watch most of this behind-the-scenes feature to get to the sequence)
Scary Movie - This one isn’t too bad, either. At first it merely seems like it’s just an imitation, but then the killer throws his back out. Good one. Unfortunately, the Wayans take it a little further and mess up the scene with that lame jig gag.
Karate Dog - I’ve already recently shared this awful (or awfully funny?) clip of Jon Voight fighting a talking dog skilled in Kung Fu, and I think it speaks for itself anyway, so just watch. It’s OK if you stop after the first “baby carriage time” gag and don’t get to the other Matrix reference. Nobody ever needs to be subjected to “super lick.”
Kung Pow! Enter the Fist - I’m so glad that this clip is presented in widescreen. All the better an homage to a movie that helped popularize the letterbox format of the DVD. Actually that’s about where the respect ends. There are just some things you don’t need to see done with the bullet time effect, and milk blasted out of udders is one of those things.
Welcome to Dongmakgol - Is this really bullet time, or just a lot of slow motion and blue screen made to make us think we’re watching bullet time? It’s so ridiculously overdone, I can’t tell. And I don’t care. In a way it looks more like a ripoff of Kung Pow! than The Matrix anyway.
Shrek - This one doesn’t even have any additional joke. It’s just an imitative reference and one of the many reasons I find the Shrek movies to be creatively vapid works. Plus, it’s not even as cool as the Matrix’s bullet time sequences because it’s a completely computer-rendered film. This scene could have existed even before The Matrix’s advances with the effect, which technically can be credited to much earlier animated works, including the original Speed Racer TV series. In fact, it now seems as if the Wachowskis were always just trying to make a live-action version of that last shot from the Speed Racer opening.
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