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  • Indiana Jones and the Brokeback Overboard

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    I’m so bored already with Indiana Jones and the Not as Good Movie as We’d Hoped that I may not even see it until its well into its run. In July (at least six weeks after the film opens), I’ll be visiting my father down in Alabama and so maybe I’ll wait and watch it with him. After all this bad buzz, such a nostalgic experience may be the only way to appreciate and enjoy it. Anyway, the only thing I’m more tired of than reading about Indy is watching movie trailers redone to make them like Brokeback Mountain. So, it’s really like having lemon juice poured on my pop culture booboo today to have been directed toward the fairly old video seen above. Thanks Stu.

    If you’re still hungry for more on the Indy backlash, check out the continued updates on Defamer, which include links to Shia LaBeouf’s denial of the film’s negative reviews and claims that SpoutBlog friend Eric Kohn has lowered the bar of film criticism by liveblogging from the Cannes press screening. (Plus, there’s new Uwe Boll updates, which I myself have sworn against continuing for the time being).


    Originally posted on:SpoutBlog

  • 10 More ’80s Teen Movie Actors for Roland Emmerich to Cast

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    By now I’m sure you’ve heard that former ’80s teen-movie star John Cusack will star in Roland Emmerich’s apocalypse spectacular 2012. Considering the blockbuster filmmaker has previously directed the likes of James Spader (in Stargate) and Matthew Broderick (in Godzilla), I figure it’s only a matter of time before he’s worked with all our favorite ’80s teen-movie actors. So, here’s a list of the next ten actors most appropriate for Emmerich to cast:

    1. Kirk Cameron - The former star of TV’s Growing Pains and the ’80s flick Like Father, Like Son has more recently starred in the Christian-targeted Left Behind movies, which, in dealing with the Rapture, fit in with Emmerich’s usual penchant for end-of-the-world scenarios. Considering his pro-creationist stance, he probably wasn’t a fan of Emmerich’s recent caveman epic and his Evangelical status means he probably disagrees with the climate change message of The Day After Tomorrow. Too bad, because seeing Mike Seaver in a big-budget action extravaganza would be awesome.
    2. Jason Bateman - He’s already in the midst of a comeback and has even played support in action movies such as The Kingdom and this summer’s Hancock (co-starring with former Emmerich-movie star Will Smith, who unfortunately just missed the cutoff to be considered an ’80s teen star). He’d make for a great lead in a silly sci-fi epic, though. He’s funny, would pass as an adventuring scientist or something and he’d give some extra cred to the typically ridiculous plots that Emmerich deals with.
    3. Rick Shroder - Bateman’s old Silver Spoons co-star is in need of another comeback, and after his upcoming performance in the TV-miniseries remake of The Andromeda Strain, he should be ripe for similar sci-fi fare.
    4. Alfonso Ribeiro - As long as we’re talking about Silver Spoons.
    5. Scott Grimes - He may be happy on E.R., but I miss the little Crite-killing redhead of Critters and Critters 2: The Main Course. Perhaps one day Emmerich can do the long-talked-about follow-up to Independence Day and hire Grimes to kick some more alien ass.
    6. Wil Wheaton - Emmerich’s Stargate has slowly evolved into a cult franchise, but it’s nothing compared to Star Trek (though really what is?). After the disappointing box office of 10,000 B.C., Emmerich could do well by casting Wil Wheaton, who will bring his sci-fi cred and fanbase, still strong from his TNG years.
    7. Anthony Michael Hall - He’s got a small part in The Dark Knight. Could it be his first step into blockbuster movies now that The Dead Zone is off the air? Let’s hope so …
    8. Andrew McCarthy - Just in case Lipstick Jungle doesn’t pan out. But even if it does, I’m still hoping for his substantial movie comeback.
    9. Corey Haim - Who wasn’t saddened by the thought that Haim was possibly left out of the new Lost Boys sequel? The guy isn’t nearly as cute as he was twenty years ago, but what’s the harm in casting him at least in a minor role?
    10. Corey Feldman - Like you’d want to watch a movie with only the lamer of the two Coreys.

    Originally posted on:SpoutBlog

  • Cannes: La Vie Moderne

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    Under discussion:

    La Vie Moderne, playing here on the Un Certain Regard sidebar, is the third documentary portrait of a group of rural French dairy farmers that Raymond Depardon has made this decade, and as such, comparisons between Depardon’s overall project and Michael Apted’s 7 Up series are not unapt. But where Apted’s seven films across forty years have come to define a changing Britain through the personal evolutions of a single generation, Depardon paints a portrait of a region and a way of life that seems on the verge of almost certain collapse due to nothing more than the natural passage of time and collision of generations. Taking on the triple role of interviewer, cameraman and narrator, the filmmaker’s affection for and rapport with his subjects is obvious, his tenacious patience a welcome contrast to the aggression employed by so many self-referential documentarians.

    Depardon’s style of inquiry certainly requires more of an investment from his audience than fans of contemporary crowd-pleaser non-fiction might be used to, but it’s an investment that pays off. Where coarser filmmakers approach their subjects with laser-guided precision, essentially turning each question rhetorical, Depardon simply sets up a camera and has a conversation. In long, often unbroken takes, he slowly, gently chips away at his subject’s defenses until, apparently without realizing, they begin to unpack their own statements and reveal their true meanings

    The film is structured as a year-long roadtrip. Through footage shot on a camera mounted to Depardon’s dashboard, the filmmaker takes several minutes in between each location to envelop us into the terrain ahead of his destination, as Depardon goes from farm to farm and family to family, catching up (and catching us up) on what went on whilst he was away. It’s a documentary in which no event is actually directly documented; each subject simply sits down in front of Depardon’s camera and explains their version of events past and present, and a few months or years later, Depardon comes back to repeat the process and track how things have changed. More than anything else, this is a movie about the passage of time.

    The over all mood is somber, resigned. A once-dominant culture has become a sub-culture, and from there it’s petering out completely as patriarchy and matriarchs die. The younger farming families send their kids to boarding school and encourage the children who stay home to avoid the family business. Without family connections, those who wish to become farmers find it impossible. This is partially due to lack of demand, but there’s also the question of authenticity and legitimacy.The young mother from Lyon who wants to build a goat cheese business seems like a carpetbagger compared to the lifers caught on Depardon’s camera, who have never lived elsewhere and never contemplated an alternate career.

    There’s not a superfluous moment in the film, but most of the Moderne’s core ideas come across most beautifully in the narrative thread about the Privat family, who have appeared in each of Depardon’s farmer films. Brothers Marcel and Raymond are in their 80s, and though both still tend to their goat and sheep daily. When the film begins, nephew Alain has just married a woman he met via personal ad, and has moved his new wife and stepdaughter into a separate house on the Privat farm. Alain’s uncles never married, and they bristle at the introduction of an independently-minded woman an her young daughter into this “family of bachelors.” Within a long, funny and seemingly unedited single-camera interview, Depardon gently breaks down the Privats’ polite defenses. “I don’t like being pushed around,” Marcel finally complains. The threat posed by Alain’s wife to Marcel and Raymond’s solitude and autonomy is a neat metaphor for the anxieties that run spoken and unspoken throughout the entire film, about the encroachment of technology on tradition and the passage of time.


    Originally posted on:SpoutBlog

  • Cannes Market Watch: Sex and Breakfast

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    Under discussion:

    In what will hopefully end up as my stupidest move at the Cannes market this year, on Monday I went to a buyers screening of a film called Sex and Breakfast. The suspiciously unspecific description in the Marche guide: “Two couples uncover what it takes to achieve a long-term romance while maintaining a healthy and satisfying sexual relationship.” Just from those two scraps of information, we can immediately deduce that this film is one of two things: A) so-bad-its-good Euro softcore, or B), not-quite-bad-enough to be so-bad-it’s-good throat clearing from a first-time American indie filmmaker who hasn’t yet figured out that working one’s personal sexual fantasies out on celluloid really only befits aged masters (and most of the time even then, it’s questionable.)

    Since I knew that Sex and Breakfast was in English, I knew from the start that it almost definitely fell into the “B” camp. So why waste my time? Three words: Starring Macaulay Culkin.

    The basic thrust of the story (ah, puns): Culkin can’t make his sexpot girlfriend come, so she suggests they go to a sex therapist who specializes in proscribing polygamy. Meanwhile, in some alternate universe section of Los Angeles where everyone not only takes cabs, but hails them on the street, Eliza Dushku gets upset when her hunky boyfriend with an identifiable foreign accent admits that he masturbates, and they go to the slut shrink, too. Dr. Orgy (a woman of maybe 70, which might be a Dr. Ruth reference, or might just be to make sure we know that sexual experimentation is a bad idea from the get go, because it’s associated with the idea of old ladies fucking) eventually hooks the two couples up, of course, but she takes almost the entire film to do it. This leaves a lot of time for long dialogue scenes, in which Culkin gets to say things like “What’s important? Pussy, and lots of it!” and Dushku attempts to repair her boyfriend’s ego by saying things like, “Shut up, I love your penis!” The couples do finally get around to Doing It, but it’s the most boring sex scene of all time, all above-the-shoulders shots of one swapped couple kissing intercut with the meaningful stares of the other couple from across the room.

    The trailer, embedded above, makes a lot of promises (Dushku-on-Girl Resembling Jessica Alba action! Post-coital grown-up Culkin!) on which the film itself can’t really deliver. The lesbian plotline is, actually substantial, but never consumated. Culkin, who still doesn’t look old enough to be having sex, is actually appropriately cast as the boyfriend without balls; pity about his inability to deliver a believable line reading. And the real kiss of death: there’s isn’t even any nudity. I’m all for shameless schlock––see my continued show of love for the life achievements of Lloyd Kaufmann–but there’s nothing worse than a film that sells itself as cheap and dirty but ultimately turns out to have earnest things to say about relationships. The only thing shameful about Sex and Breakfast is its unwillingness to get really shameful.

    Sex and Breakfast is already available on DVD in the States––in fact, the entire thing has been uploaded to YouTube––but I didn’t know that until after the screening. I’d tell you that if I had known, I wouldn’t have gone to the screening, but I don’t know who I’d be kidding. The YouTube clips aren’t embeddable, but if you want to skip directly to the ludicrously unsatisfying sex scene, go here.


    Originally posted on:SpoutBlog