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  • Six Video Games That Could Be Adapted Into Movies More Depressing Than Revolutionary Road

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    Revolutionary Road: The Game - ARGUE with your spouse! FIGHT OFF suburban depression! MANAGE to stay alive despite a looming calendar full of inane dates and a pointless existence!

    The holidays are all about sales at the mall, what the ratio of whiskey to nog is in your egg nog, and how depressing everything is. Luckily, Hollywood is well aware of this and provides cinematic accompaniment to go along with the holiday blues. Kate and Leo’s reunion movie Revolutionary Road is a perfect example; critics are hailing it as one of the most depressing way to spend a few hours since all of your old high school nemesis appeared on Facebook.

    Since most people don’t consider playing a depressing game to be fun, it’s no wonder that the video game industry hasn’t churned out a lot of melancholy games. There’s no Schindler’s List: The Game, or The English Patient: Nintendo Wii Version. Sure, there have been plenty of games that were depressing because they were bad, but not many in the “depressing on purpose” category. However, a few have squeaked by that would make extremely depressing movies. Here’s a list for your enjoyment.

    Fallout 3

    Nuclear apocalypse is never really cheerful, and it’s made even less so when you have to leave the comfort of your warm, climate-protected Vault and head out in search of your father. He’s apparently decided to abandon his special child in search of something amidst the roaming bands of mutants and radiation-ridden ghouls. You have to abandon the only place you’ve ever lived in, and all the people you’ve ever known. Your mother died in childbirth, you only have one real friend, and now you’re deposited into the barren Wastelands. Along the way you’ll have to kill people, animals, robots and more. Cheerful, right? It’s definitely the most depressing entry in the entire Fallout series, but there is some really beautiful desolation along the way.

    Shadow of the Colossus

    A lot of fantasy stories involve a prince of some sort rescuing a damsel in distress, and in some cases those damsels might be magically enchanted. However, in Shadow of the Colossus, it’s not just the damsel who is enchanted, but the entire world. In order to restore her to health, you have to fight a series of Colossal foes, each one different from the next. And when I say Colossal, I mean massively ginormously big. Of course, when you start getting possessed by the very darkness you’re fighting, and your horse sacrifices himself to save you, that’s when it all starts getting a bit depressing. By the end of the game, you’ll be fighting back tears and cursing the developers for making a game so good and so depressing that you now want to go live a solitary existence on a remote mountaintop somewhere.

    Metal Gear Solid 4

    What’s the best way to close out a series that’s spanned 10 years and three different consoles? Apparently it’s by giving your main character a debilitating genetic problem that makes him age much faster than everyone else. Toss that in with a cigarette addiction and the fact the he gets betrayed by just about everyone he ever knew, and you’ve got the base storyline for the last Metal Gear Solid game. At the end of this epic game (complete with over 90 minutes of cutscenes, many of them featuring Snake’s wrinkled face and people reacting in shock at his appearance), Snake announces he’s giving up smoking and is going to attempt to live a normal life during his last remaining years. This all takes place in a graveyard as well, underscoring that fact that Snake isn’t long for this world.

    Braid

    Jonathan Blow’s amazing game Braid isn’t just a fun to play because of the ability to turn back time, it’s fun because it’s based on such a depressing story. You play a main character who had an argument with a princess that was so bad, the two of them have split up and aren’t speaking. Your character decides that he wants to fix things so much that he develops the power to turn the flow of time backwards. He’s basically realized that he’s screwed his own life up beyond repair, and luckily he can magically try to fix it. But if you have your own problems of the same magnitude, the game just reminds you that you can’t turn the clock back on yourself. Couple that with the extremely melancholy soundtrack, and Braid will have you seeking out therapy when you realize that you can’t reverse the flow of time and keep yourself from dying a horrible death. On the upside, you won’t be chased by rabid, killer bunnies anymore either.

    A Mind Forever Voyaging

    There’s nothing like waking up one day and finding out that you’re actually just a computer programmed A.I., running inside of a massive programmed simulation is there? This game came out long before The Matrix was even conceived, and it’s one of the most hauntingly depressive games out there. Infocom gave us folly like Planetfall and high adventure like Zork, but A Mind Forever Voyaging was an immersive text adventure full of depressing imagery. Not only do you find out you’re not even real, but you get inserted into a simulated future where your wife and child are taken from you, violent crimes are common, and the church and state turn into fascist regimes. You’re just there as an observer, but each time you go back it’s 10 years later and it gets more and more depressing. ®

    Max Payne

    What happens when your entire family, including your newborn infant, is slaughtered by thugs and drug addicts? Well, if you’re a comic book character or living in a video game you do the same thing: devote your life to ridding the world of such scum. That’s what happened to Max Payne, and it’s also why he’s such a hardass. But just drive the point home even harder, the developers decided to give you a few levels that take place inside Max’s head, inside his old house. There’s even a crying baby level, where you have to follow a blood trail maze on the ground inside a pitch black room. Take the wrong step, and Max dies. Take the right step, and you continue to hear the sounds of a wailing baby. If you manage to make it through these mental levels, Max still has a ton of death and destruction to deal out. If only Hollywood would seize on this game to give us a big screen version, full of death and destruction. Oh, wait. Crap. Now if only we could get the good version.


    Originally posted on:SpoutBlog

  • Laying Awake at Night Worrying About Filmmakers’ Careers

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    Scott Macaulay asked me to contribute some year-end thoughts to the FILMMAKER Magazine blog, and I did, and they’re up now. Personally, in memorializing the year that’s about to end while getting ready for the year ahead –– which, for me and virtually everyone I know, really begins mid-month at Sundance –– I find myself optimistic regarding all the great work I’ve seen over the past year and all the new possibilities that are becoming available to filmmakers, and frustrated that things aren’t changing fast enough to make those possibilities a reality. Here’s an excerpt:

    Almost ten years ago, circa Erin Brockovich, I remember lying awake one night worrying about Steven Soderbergh’s career –– once responsible for Julia Roberts’ Oscar, would he ever make something as personal and indifferent to Hollywood commercialism as sex, lies again? Now, I lie awake at night worrying if people who are making films as personal and indifferent to Hollywood commericalism as those by Gerardo Naranjo, Matthew Newton and Frank V. Ross will ever get to have a career anything like Steven Soderbergh’s –– because before we can even wonder if they’ll ever get to prove their mettle through the moderately-budgeted studio films which lead to the franchise blockbusters which result in the clout necessary to mount completely uncompromising 4.5 hour dream projects, we have to wonder if they’ll ever see success on the level of the million-dollar Sundance sale.

    Check out the rest of the post here.


    Originally posted on:SpoutBlog

  • Thundercats Trailer (Fake). Clip of the Day

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    Troy  (2004)

    Thundercats  (2009)

    I wish I were more familiar with the cartoon Thundercats so that I could properly appreciate this new fan-made trailer. And yet it’s such a well-done video that it’s hard to even think I could appreciate it more than I already do. Someone clearly put way too much time into this thing, picking out appropriate segments from Troy, the Lord of the Rings trilogy and other films, and digitally painting the faces of Brad Pitt, Vin Diesel and Hugh Jackman (and an actress nobody seems to be able to identify). It’s so terrific that the real Thundercats movie (potentially arriving in 2010) will no doubt be a disappointment in comparison (perhaps as bad as this old fake Thundercats movie trailer). In fact, this version’s awkward CG-rendered Snarf is likely better than what Warner Bros. will give us (the actual film is reportedly going to be entirely computer-animated).

    I was going to initially say that this is the best fake trailer I’ve ever seen, but I probably say that too often. Plus, I’m going to stick with the Where’s Waldo parody of The Bourne Identity for that honor. Still, this is one of the best I’ve seen in terms of technical achievement.

    [via Hollywood-Elsewhere]


    Originally posted on:SpoutBlog

  • The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Review

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    Forrest Gump  (1994)

    To borrow a line from Lou Lumenick: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is this year’s Forrest Gump. This is not really arguable. In addition to sharing a screenwriter (Eric Roth), Robert Zemeckis’ 1994 Best Picture winner and David Fincher’s 2008 Best Picture front-runner (at least, as of this writing) both put groundbreaking special effects to the service of sprawling stories, spanning many decades and weaving a breadcrumb trail through modern American history, in which a man holds a torch for a woman who can’t reciprocate his love until her dreams of autonomy are spectacularly dashed. For me, the Gump comparison is a pejorative, a shorthand way to say, “This film will likely make a lot of money and win a lot of awards, and yet is so phony and cloying and gimmicky that its success will some day be seen by some as a tragedy.” But to others, the second coming of Gump would be a blessing. An Oscars-bait blockbuster? As Lumenick put it, before seeing the film, “Paramount would be thrilled, and possibly the Academy would be as well.”

    Watching Benjamin Button, occasionally I actively loathed it, but mostly I just felt genuinely disappointed that it seemed so lacking in the genuine feeling that makes a bloated, over-serious, firing-on-all-cylinders Hollywood blow-out even temporarily satisfying. Ultimately, we buy into films like the film Benjamin Button wants to be because they offer our only chance at that unique catharsis: they let us cry, in public, surrounded by and united with strangers who are also crying, regardless of our individual age, class or station in life.  But Benjamin Button cannot be effective as an audience-leveling tear-inducer, because it’s not a film about people. It’s a film about the feat of its own whiz-bang, Frankensteinian digital imagery, drunk on its own accomplishment to an extent that feels quasi-ethical.

    This is a film in which the following things happen:

    • Two new lovers recline on a sailboat somewhere in the Florida keys, where they are coincidentally treated to the sight of a NASA spacecraft taking off.
    • An old woman lays dying in a New Orleans hospital, the very day that, coincidentally, Hurricane Katrina rages outside.
    • A man and the son he gave up at birth coincidentally exit the same whorehouse at the same time, paving the way for the father to establish a relationship with his abandoned boy for the first time.
    • There is a ten minute-ish Introduction to Chaos Theory sequence, presumably so that we, as viewers, are equipped to rationalize the film’s dependence on incidental coincidence.

    But before any of that, there’s a prologue. Shot in the palette of the Zapruder film with scratches and fuzzy grain to match, this tells us that at some point during World War I, a French-born, New Orleans-based clockmaker was commissioned to make a piece for the local train station. The whole town comes out to see the clock, at which point the clockmaker reveals that he deliberately made a clock that ticked backwards, “so that the boys we lost in the war might come home again.” An initially befuddled crowd is thus turned awestruck and appreciative, to which the clockmaker barks in a heavily-accented monotone: “I hope you enjoy my clock.”

    Cut to 1918, the last day of that war, and the birth of a baby “with all the infirmities not of a newborn but of a man well into his 80s, on the way to the grave”. When the mother dies in childbirth, the freaked-out father snatches the baby out of its cradle and runs it over to the back porch of an old age home, where it’s tripped over by the proprietor, Queenie (Taraji P. Henson). Because Queenie is a magical negro, she ignores her boyfriend’s non-interventionist admonitions and takes the baby in, raising it as her own kin.

    “You never know what’s coming for you,” Queenie intones portentously when this opportunity arises. It’s a line that’ll be repeated throughout the film a number of times, and in the context of the film’s big fake Southern accents and big fake period detail, it plays like a whimsical, pie-eyed rewrite of the thesis statement of last year’s Best Picture winner; “You can’t stop what’s coming.”

    What’s coming, of course, is that this aged baby will, thanks to the magic of a performance capture process developed for this purpose, slowly grow into a flawless specimen of man in the form of Brad Pitt. With few exceptions, the technology that puts Pitt’s head on the body of other actors for the first third of the film (to describe the process with more finesse would be to give the philosophy behind it too much credit) achieves its intended result: it fools the eye, it almost looks real enough to drown out the inner knowledge that it is not real at all. But it’s hard not to question whether or not this lavish effects process is really necessary, if it’s anything more than a show-offy gimmick. In the last section of the film, when Benjamin ages backward from drinking age to infancy, he’s played by child actors who bear a resemblance to Pitt but aren’t asked to digitally wear his face. Fincher obviously thought pure casting was sufficient for his final act, so why wasn’t it good enough for his first?

    Even if one were able to completely get over the gimmickry that makes that verisimilitude possible, there’s still something that feels off about this first section of the film, in the way the characters often seem to interact with Benjamin as if playing to the back row of a theater instead of to a person, smaller than them and right there in close quarters. This sense of a disconnect dissipates as the character ages and becomes more recognizably embodied by Pitt, but Fincher never goes long without finding an excuse to let an effect fill the frame and distract from what’s going on between people. In one of the first scenes where Benjamin is actually connecting to someone on an intimate level, he does so amidst a fog of almost comically painterly CGI snow. A few scenes later, a hummingbird (which, it’s implied, carries the spirit of Button’s counterpart to Forrest Gump’s Lt. Dan) buzzes over a scene of World War II carnage, swooping across the screen like Tinkerbell. When this hummingbird popped up again, very near the end of the film, I half expected it to be wearing a tiny little Brad Pitt visage.

    Though the use of certain of these effects may be unprecedented, there is precedent to the genre of the romantic effects epic, and while I’m not the biggest fan of Titanic, or of Peter Jackson’s King Kong, those films succeed on a level where Button fails: their spectacular effects serve to support the romance at the core of the story, while Button’s effects only get in the way. The inner evolution of the characters seems incidental to Fincher. Increasingly as the film wears on, it seems as though the crux of each scene is not an emotional conflict, but the juxtaposition of a slightly younger Brad Pitt with a slightly older Cate Blanchett, and Fincher seems to move from one juxtaposition to next as quickly as possible as if he’s convinced that if he just hits every point on his predetermined timeline, the relationship itself will happen organically. It doesn’t.

    And this isn’t fully the fault of the effects. There’s no doubt that Fincher is in love with his imagery (this is the only explanation I can come up with for that chaos theory sequence, which plays as nothing but a flaunting of Fincher’s contractual right to final cut), but he doesn’t seem to trust it. Eric Roth’s script tells us over and over again, in very literal language and often via narration, that this is a film about loneliness and difference. Every feeling and every story detail is telegraphed in advance, underlined throughout and commented on after the fact.

    Button is the opposite of Pitt’s last Oscar hopeful in that respect: The Assassination of Jesse James was a film in which every frame seemed to invite contemplation. Benjamin Button is a film in which every cut seems designed to block thought. Maybe the earlier film’s failure says it all about the philosophy behind Button’s construction: for audiences and Oscar voters, thinking is bad. Spoon-fed artifice is good.

    This review was published in slightly different form here.


    Originally posted on:SpoutBlog

  • For Your Consideration: 5 Alternates for Best Song Oscar

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    The Academy’s list of 49 tunes deemed eligible for the Best Original Song Oscar this year seems like a lot for the Music Branch to pick through. That is, until you notice that more than one-fifth of those contenders are from the same film (High School Musical 3, which, thanks to a new rule, is only allowed, at most, two nominations in this category) and you recall that last year’s list included many more songs (59) to choose from. The talent involved this year, however, is tremendous, at least in terms of those performers who sing the tunes on the soundtrack (many of whom had a hand in the songwriting). These artists include Mariah Carey, Etta James, Beyonce Knowles (who played Etta James), Norah Jones, will.i.am, Jack White and Alicia Keys, Danny Elfman, Emmylou Harris, Chaka Khan and Regina Spektor.

    Add to those big names such heavyweights as Bruce Springsteen and Peter Gabriel, both of whom are locks to be nominated, as well as tween favorites Miley Cyrus and Zac Efron (along with the rest of the cast from High School Musical 3), and you could have one hell of a concert if the Academy simply turned its awards telecast into one big celebration of the year’s songs written for the screen. Unfortunately for ABC, the Oscars aren’t just about securing viewers, so there’s no promise that the most popular artists will be among the five nominees. Rather, the true Oscar-worthy songs are those tunes that serve their respective films best — in terms of context as much as in the quality of their songwriting.

    In addition to Springsteen and Gabriel, another sure thing nominee is Clint Eastwood, who wrote the title song for his film Gran Torino. As for the fourth slot, Cyrus could very well find herself a contender, which would technically allow the marketers of her upcoming Hannah Montana Movie to advertise the film as starring “Academy Award Nominee Miley Cyrus.” Her song, “I Thought I Lost You,” co-written with Jeffrey Steele (and co-performed with John Travolta), from Bolt has already received nominations for both a Golden Globe and a BFCA Critic’s Choice Award (as have Springsteen’s title song from The Wrestler and Gabriel’s “Down to Earth” from WALL-E). The only issue with a telecast performance of this song, despite the fact that it might draw higher ratings than a Best Picture nomination for The Dark Knight, is that a live duet between Cyrus and Travolta could be the creepiest musical number since Rob Lowe and Snow White’s infamous rendition of “Proud Mary” back in 1989.

    The final nominee is more difficult to predict. The Golden Globes selected Knowles’ “Once in a Lifetime” from Cadillac Records, which the Academy could use to make up for the singer/actress’ nominal exclusion as one of the songwriters of the 2007 nominee “Listen,” from Dreamgirls. Another favorite is M.I.A. and A. R. Rahman’s  “O…Saya” from Slumdog Millionaire, though this song has stiff competition from Rahman’s “Jai Ho” from the same film. A nod for the latter would be a wonderful recognition of Indian music, yet in a way it would also beg the question of why thousands of other great tunes from Bollywood haven’t been honored in the past (nor will they be recognized in the future). And why this song over other great “world music” possibilities like Bebel Gilberto’s “Forever,” from They Killed Sister Dorothy, and Angelique Kidjo’s “Djoyigbe,” from Pray the Devil Back to Hell? Oh yeah, because it’s the catchier number from the more upbeat (and fictional) Best Picture favorite.

    It will be a shame if, like many Oscar categories, there are no real surprises in the nominees for Best Original Song, so to assist the Music Branch in their task, I’ve picked out five alternative selections to those more likely to be nominated:

    “Barking at the Moon” by Jenny Lewis, from Bolt – Cyrus might be the bigger ratings draw, but Lewis would bring that indie “hipster” cred not really seen from the Academy since Elliott Smith’s nomination and performance more than ten years ago. Ratings aside, though, “Barking at the Moon” is actually the better of Bolt’s two eligible songs, and it’s just as catchy as “I Thought I Lost You.” Plus, its context is equivalent to the usual Randy Newman tune played over an animated film’s montage sequence. And since Newman is shockingly absent from the category this year, Lewis should fill in for him.

    “Sweet Ballad” by ‘Munchausen by Proxy,’ from Yes Man – If the Academy would rather recognize an actress who is also a singer rather than a singer-turned-actress (Knowles) or an actress-turned-singer (Lewis), then it’s time to honor Zooey Deschanel, who has performed on many of her films’ soundtracks, often diegetically and in character. This time she joined up with Von Iva to form Yes Man’s fake band Munchausen by Proxy, which has two songs eligible for the Oscar. The better of the two is this track, which sounds kind of like Julie Cruise fronting Goldfrapp (maybe David Lynch needs to cast Deschanel in something). It might be a little racy to perform a song featuring the repeated backing vocal lyric of “whore, whore, whore,” but it’s no worse than the Oscar-winning lyrics of “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp.”

    “Trouble the Water” by Blackkoldmadina, from Trouble the Water – Recently the Academy has honored two rap songs (“Lose Yourself” from 8 Mile and “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp” from Hustle & Flow) and one track off a documentary (“I Need to Wake Up” from An Inconvenient Truth), so it’s only fair to go the next step and at least nominate this rap song from a documentary. It would be another of the Academy’s favored stories of triumph, since the track is by the doc’s subject, a relatively upbeat Katrina survivor who turned lemons into lemonade with her home video footage of the hurricane.

    “Up To Our Nex” by Robyn Hitchcock, from Rachel Getting Married – If for some reason the Academy wishes to ignore the usual old guys (sure, Gabriel’s never been nominated, but isn’t he almost interchangeable with his former bandmate Phil Collins?), it could do well to nominate Hitchcock, whose song is both lyrically relevant to the film’s story and prominently performed diegetically, which is precisely how an Oscar-winning song should be. Considering how important music is to Rachel Getting Married, it would be terrible for it to be ignored in this category in favor of an end-credits number.

    “Dracula’s Lament” by Jason Segel, from Forgetting Sarah Marshall – It’s easy to dismiss both this and Hamlet 2’s “Rock Me Sexy Jesus” as being “funny” songs, comparable to the Oscar-nominated “Blame Canada” from South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut. But “Dracula’s Lament,” though plenty humorous, is no joke; it’s actually a great song that reflects the feelings of Segel’s character in the movie. And it would be the first Muppet-related Oscar-nominated song in more than 20 years.


    Originally posted on:SpoutBlog

  • Will Smith Has Worst Opening in Seven Years. Trade Roughage 12/22/08

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    • Bad weather is being blamed for weak box office results this weekend from new wide releases Yes Man, Seven Pounds and The Tale of Despereaux, all of which performed worse than expected. Because there’s no other reason why moviegoers would just choose to avoid seeing lame-looking movies from Jim Carrey, Will Smith and Universal’s animation department. It is actually sad for Smith, who hasn’t seen an opening this bad since 2001’s Ali. And Seven Pounds marks only his third film to debut with less than $20 million since his blockbuster breakthrough in Independence Day.
    • Apparently snow couldn’t stop The Wrestler from achieving a screen average of more than $52,000 over the weekend. But isn’t that just because people in NYC don’t have to drive to the movies? Fox Searchlight’s other film, Slumdog Millionaire, finally broke the Top 10 after expanding to 589 screens. And although Searchlight’s stellar buzz team claims the Oscar-contender was “selling out everywhere,” its own average was actually embarrassingly below that of Seven Pounds.
    • We’re going to need a modern day Edward Arnold if Bernard Madoff-types are going to be the hot villain for ‘09.
    • You know your comic book publisher didn’t get the best production deal when it announces that its first adaptation stars Kevin Sorbo. Meanwhile, you know you’re experienceing a slow news day when that’s one of four stories worth bulletpointing.

    Originally posted on:SpoutBlog