One of the biggest travesties about the remake of The Day The Earth Stood Still is that Jon Hamm only has a bit part in it. Frankly, if he’d played Klaatu, this might have been a movie worth watching. He’s spent the last two years winning our hearts and wardrobes over as Don Draper on AMC’s Mad Men, and he’s worth a lot more than a small part in a science fiction remake.
WIth that in mind, here are five classic science fiction remakes that we’d like to see Jon Hamm take the helm in. If he brings along any of his television co-stars, that would bring some bonus points. But his slicked-back hair and calm demeanor don’t need any assistance. Check out the list after the break and hope that someone at a studio somewhere is paying attention.
Them!
The Them! in the title of this 1954 movie referred to its huge co-stars: enormous, atomic-irradiated ants. And if you think about it, any giant insect is pretty much scary as hell — you thought it was bad enough when they invaded your picnic, just wait until they trample your house. The bonus part of this film is that they track the ant queen to the Los Angeles sewer system, where the climactic battle takes place. Giant ants, Los Angeles, Don Draper. It almost sells itself. Stick Jon Hamm in the Sgt. Ben Peterson role, and you’ve got your remake right there. It’s doubtftul that the LA sewers have changed much since 1954, so between that setting and New Mexico, you could probably come close to a shot-for-shot remake. Are you listening Gus Van Ant? (Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.)
Attack of the 50 Foot Woman
Don Draper is such a slick womanizer, he almost exudes some sort of mystical spell that attracts women. The fact that he hasn’t been gunned down yet by an ex-lover seeking vengeance is just a testament to his skills. But whenever it comes, and it always does, payback can be a real bitch. Especially if it comes in the form of a 50 foot tall wife who isn’t happy that you’ve been cheating on her. Jon Hamm as the philandering husband certainly isn’t exactly a stretch, but having him chased by a 50 foot woman who was accidentally irradiated by an alien sure is. The bonus is that this could finally wash the terrible taste of the 1993 Darryl Hannah/Daniel Baldwin remake out of our mouths.
Forbidden Planet
The only robot Don Draper normally hangs out with on Mad Men is Pete Campbell, but it would be nice to see him with a real automaton of the bleep-bloop variety, complete with blinking lights and a monotone voice. The ironic thing about this movie is that Robbie the Robot is one of the most human characters in it, despite being framed for murder by his human creator. I’m not sure if I’d rather see Jon Hamm in the Commander John J. Adams role, or as the extremely evil Dr. Morbius. After seeing his stint as a drunk James Mason on Saturday Night Live, I’d love to see what he could do as an evil villain. He’s not quite as over the top as James Mason gets in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, but he’s close. Plus there’s that whole great plot point with invisible monsters from the id. Freud would have loved it.
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
Speaking of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, why not add a little testosterone laden Don Draper-ness to the mix? In fact, let’s up the ante: Jon Hamm plays both Captain Nemo and hard-fightin’ sailorman Ned Land. He’s perfect for both roles, even if he does make his Nemo a Mason impression, and think how much the ladies would swoon to see him as Land –– dungarees, white t-shirt with rolled up sleeves, sweating and punching with the best of them. Jon Hamm could easily pull off this dual role, and it could make you forget about the other versions that have appeared over the years.
This Island Earth
It’s hard for me to remember seeing this film before I saw the Mystery Science Theater take on it, but even though it stars The Professort from Gilligan’s Island in one of the main roles, it’s a real classic of science fiction. Why didn’t they remake this instead of Keanu’s The Day The Earth Said Whoa? It’s actually a tragic story about an alien civilization reaching out to Earth for help, even though there is little we can do. Put Jon Hamm and his leading-man chin in the Dr. Cal Meacham role, and you’ve got some good stuff. After all, he plays a doctor in The Day The Earth…, so why not reward him with a meaty role that gives him more than a scant few minutes of screen time?
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