If you haven’t already heard the news, I’ll sum it up for you: Ridley Scott is directing a feature film version of Monopoly. It’s probably the single strangest thing I’ve ever heard in the film business. I’m not sure if Scott himself seems to know what this movie will be about, because he keeps waffling on the subject: one moment he says it’ll be a broad family comedy, and the next minute it’s going to be dark like Blade Runner. He seems to have only been wooed by the fact that it’s one of the best-selling board games in the world.
This doesn’t mean that making a movie out of a board game is a bad idea, necessarily. It worked for Clue, after all. But unless Scott’s movie features Rich Uncle Pennybags jumping around with his monocle screwed firmly in place, I’m going to have to call shenanigans on it. Check out our list below of the 10 Board Games We’d Like To See As Movies, complete with fantasy casting.
Power Grid
In Rio Grande’s Power Grid, you’re in charge of a power station. You not only have to provide power to several cities, but you also have to manage and maintain the materials necessary to create that power. To use an old school Nintendo slogan, you’re literally playing with power.
The pitch: Electrical magnate Klaus Schmidt (John Malkovich) has slowly been buying up land in Eastern Europe, quietly acquiring small power stations along the way. Before long, he has a near-monopoly across most of Europe, controlling the massive network of power lines that feed various countries. He still needs one pivotal station to complete his grid, but the owner of that station (Ian Holm) chooses to stand up in the face of electrical tyranny and fight back.
Rail Baron
In Rail Baron, you strive to create a network of connected cities and gain access to routes that will give you the largest railroad on the board. At the same time, you have to try and keep your opponents from doing the same thing. It’s based on the historical rail lines that ran across the United State, and was originally called Boxcars. Long before Railroad Tycoon came out, you had to get your steam-powered for from Rail Baron in 1977.
The pitch: Two brothers (Mark Ruffalo and Kyle Chandler) take over their father’s fledgling railroad after he dies. However, one alcohol-fueled argument soon spirals out of control, and each brother takes half of the company and begins building in different directions. Over the years, both brothers meet with success and failure, but when a government contract brings them together decades later, they bury their bad feeling for each other as they pound the final stake uniting their two lines into the ground.
Arkham Horror
In Fantasy Flight’s Arkham Horror, you’re an investigator who has to try to keep one of H.P. Lovecraft’s Cthulu baddies from breaking into our world in the 1920s. Along the way you’ll fight other monsters, upgrade your character, get new spells and weapons. and team up with other players.
The pitch: A team of mismatched adventurers (Megan Fox, Malcolm McDowell, Robert Pattinson, Jada Pinkett Smith, and Jay Baruchel) have all been mysteriously summoned to Arkham Asylum, long since abandoned and start investigating sets of clues they find. However, one of them accidentally activates a set of runes and they all find themselves transported back to 1926 in bustling London, right outside the gates of the Asylum. They have to talk to several inmates, pieces together the clues they’d found, and find out why one of the Ancient Ones is intent on using this location to cross over into our world.
Risk
Risk is generally accepted as the first mainstream war game. You could argue that Chess and Checkers are like war, as you battle an opponent to capture pieces, but those games were abstract, and Risk is definitely literally about global conquest. March your armies across the world map, destroy your enemies, collect cards and win the game. If you play with the wooden cube version, the roman numeral version, or the little plastic armies version, it’s still satisfying to lay down some smack.
The pitch: It’s 1922, and World War I never happened. However, the leaders of the world’s nations have grown uneasy. Trust is a rare commodity, and everything seems to point to one sign: war. As each nation begins to close their borders and ramp up war production, the world is thrown into complete upheaval. Battles begin to break between countries, and before long there’s a complete world war. After some of the smoke begins to clear, the North American leader (Clint Eastwood) faces a hard decision. Does he ally himself with France (Liam Neeson) and Asia (Ken Watanabe)? Or does he annihilate them both in an effort to have a sole, united world? Choices are tough when war comes knocking.
The Plot to Assassinate Hitler
The often-delayed Tom Cruise / Bryan Singer film Valkyrie opens at the end of the year, and it’s about the real-life effort to assassinate Hitler during World War II. The only problem is, you know what the outcome is: they didn’t succeed. Now you can actually turn the tables and make it work, and long before the end of the war. Not only that, but you get to take control of the government was well as a consolation prize.
The pitch: June, 1940. Germany has invaded Denmark, Norway, France, Belgium, and The Netherlands. The Allies have decided that in order to stop the Axis threat, they have to take Hitler (Jon Voight) out of the picture. A plot involving high-level Nazi cabinet members and a lot of subterfuge and secret messages begins to unravel, with sure exposure being risked at every turn. Will they succeed, or will they fail, allowing Hitler to run rampant across Europe, Asia, and Africa? One man (Billy Campbell, yes, let’s bring him back), deep in Hitler’s cabinet, has the best chance of making this plan succeed, and the most to lose if it fails: his wife (James King) and children are embedded deep in the Reich.
Settlers of Catan
This German board game has won umpteen Game of the Year prizes, and continues to sell well and impress. I just bought a huge framed board that’s just an accessory for this game. That’s how addictive it is. The game consists of several players running tiny factions on a small island. As you develop your small village, you have to simultaneously trade with, and try to stop your opponents. You won’t be able to win without their help, and they can’t advance without yours. You just have to decide when to play nice, and when to steal their assets.
The pitch: It’s 2151, and the Earth is dying. A group of scientists who have been working on an escape rocket find out that a riot is about to break out that will destroy the vehicle, so the four of them (Gwyneth Paltrow, William Petersen, Meryl Streep, and Josh Duhamel) launch themselves into space, leaving the world behind. After decades in hypersleep, the computer lands them on a planet that they dub Catan, and they try to figure out how to repopulate their species. Slowly (but not Kubrick 2001 slowly) they begin to turn on each other, alternately helping and hindering as they break off into factions. Who will dominate the planet? Will they flourish or fail?
Cranium
Cranium came along and meshed Pictionary, Charades, Trivial Pursuit, and the creative ability to mold clay all into one game. People would either groan or cheer when it was pulled out at parties, and you really couldn’t be shy while playing this game. Chances are you’d have to imitate Marilyn Monroe or try to sculpt the Leaning Tower of Pisa by the end of the game.
The pitch: Genetics are the building blocks of life, and in an effort to increase total brain power, a deranged scientist (Christopher Walken) decides to combine the best of everything into one brain. He takes some of Albert Einstein’s DNA, combines it with DNA from Aretha Franklin, Michaelangelo, Richard Burton, and creates a Frankenstein-like monster (Justin Long) who can out-act, out-sing, out-sculpt, and out-think just about everyone on the planet. But where’s his place in life? He struggles to find acceptance when just the mere sight of him intimidates everyone. Will he find love, or will he have to return to his creator and live alone?
Scrabble
To paraphrase Tommy Boy, If you guys have never played Scrabble, just ring your call button and Tommy will come back there and hit you on the head with a tack hammer. Basically, it’s a game where you get wooden tiles and attempt to spell words out on a board. Simple enough, yet it’s one of those games you don’t want to play with a brainiac or someone who just bought a Word Power calendar.
The pitch: For years, secret organizations have been meeting across the globe, deciding the fate of the world in clandestine meetings in the hidden rooms of chapels, underneath cities in vast catacombs, and behind false chambers in the Pyramids. They meet for one reason: to decide which one of them will rule the world. However, they don’t do this through feats of strength, or through a show of force. No, they decide things with small, wooden tiles emblazoned with letters on one side. Leaving the outcome of the world to the fates has worked so far, but a lone dissenter with a voice of reason (Sean Connery) threatens their very existence. Through a series of codes and clues, a woman (Audrey Tatou) from the outside must connect with one within, and find out how to save the world.
Fireball Island
Milton Bradley’s Fireball Island was a game that game out in 1986, and didn’t stay too long on the store shelves. Now, it’s considered a rare gaming gem. If you spot this thing at a thrift store or garage sale, grab it and run home immediately. In this game you play one of four explorers trying to wind your way up to Vul-Kar, the Tiki God, in order to steal his prized jewel and make it safely back to the boat. The only problem is that Vul-Kar spits huge red fireball marbles at you to try and stop you.
The pitch: The is shamelessly blatant, but it makes perfect sense: The Goonies II: Fireball Island. 23 year after the strange events involving a pirate ship and treasure in Astoria, the Goonies decide to have a reunion. They all (Jonathan Ke Quan, Corey Feldman, Sean Astin, Kerri Green, Martha Plimpton, Jeff Cohen, and Josh Brolin) fly to Hawaii, where Mikey lives, for a mini-vacation and to catch up. Data now works as a computer programmer, Mouth is a radio DJ in California, Chunk works as a trainer for a pro football team, Stef works in a research lab, Brand and Andy are married with a couple of kids. Mikey runs a failing tour guide operation in Hawaii, and the group have decided to book a tour as a surprise to try and boost his business. On the tour, they come across mysterious clues that Mikey thinks they’ve planted to try and make him feel better about his business. But when they find the mysterious Fireball Island, they all have to band together to survive the wrath of Vul-Kar after they steal one of his jewels to try and save Mikey’s business.
Dark Tower
Like Fireball Island before it, Dark Tower was another amazing game from Milton Bradley that was truly geektastic and not appreciated enough when it came out. It had a fairly large playfield and a wicked cool electronic tower that controlled the game in the center. Copies of these now sell for $300 and up on eBay, and you can even play an electronic version of it online here. You play as one of four different kingdoms, trying to collect the three keys that you need in order to lay siege to the scourge of the land: The Dark Tower.
The pitch: Four different kingdoms, each ruled by a different king (Sean Bean, Nathan Fillion, Brendan Fraser, and Orlando Bloom), have come under the control of the ominous Dark Tower that sits in the middle of the borders. Ruled by a dark presence (a CGI Orson Welles), the four kings must don their armor and arm themselves in order to explore the dark wilderness that has sprang up in each of their kingdoms. Fighting brigands, doing battle with dragons, staving off the plague and collecting treasures brings them them ever closer to the Dark Tower, and to certain doom. Will all of them survive to take down evil? Or will they be taken from the land forever by the Dark Tower?
Special thanks to all my friends at BoardGameGeek.com for helping with this. I recently attended their Board Game Geek Con 2008 in Texas, and I’ve never met so many game enthusiasts in one place before. There were a million games I’ve never heard of, and everyone was eager to show you how to play.
Top Monopoly image is courtesy Flickr user d0bb0.
Originally posted on:
SpoutBlog