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Under discussion:

Hellboy  (2004)

Hellboy II: The Golden Army  (2008)

In 2004’s Hellboy, director Guillermo del Toro introduced us to the cinematic version of Mike Mignola’s popular comic book character, a laconic demon summoned to Earth to destroy it but who winds up working with a team of supernatural characters to save it time and again. Returning to the character in 2008 with Hellboy II: The Golden Army, del Toro brings the emotional journey - yes, there is one in this story of demons and underworlds - of Hellboy to a conclusion whose enjoyment is enhanced by, but not necessarily dependent on, the viewing of the first movie.

The Golden Army once again finds Hellboy conflicted between the role he’s reminded he’s destined to play (bringer of Hell to Earth) and the one he’s chosen to play (protector of Earth). This time his adversary is an Elf prince who’s tired of the ancient truce between his people and humans and has vowed to, you, know, destroy the surface dwellers as a result. Monsters need to be pounded by Hellboy’s big red fist, blown apart by his even bigger series of specially-designed guns and ultimately destroyed through, in true Wonder Pets fashion, the power of teamwork.

The central plot of Hellboy stopping another apocalypse is entertaining and engaging, thanks in large part to del Toro’s vividly imaginative character design and emphasis on making sure each one has a unique and interesting identity. But even more satisfying than that is the emotional journey, carried over from the first film, that Hellboy is taken on.

The stoic hero is a stock character with a long history in film and Hellboy owes a lot to his predecessors, who have saved Nakatomi Tower and performed similar feats. Usually the day is saved in a manner that not only defeats the bad guys but allows the hero to reunite with his estranged wife or disrespectiful children because the experience has taught him about what really matters.

In Hellboy’s case, his laconic “Oh crap” is a massive sarcastic understatement when he’s faced with, as in one scene in The Golden Army, a massive flower god that’s spreading itself all over Manhattan. But while he works to betray little in the way of uncertainty in situations like that, the thing that’s causing him the most pain - his relationship with the human fire-starter Liz Sherman played by Selma Blair -  is always at the tip of his tongue. The fact that he can’t figure out her wants and needs continue to be the one problem in his life he can’t punch away, and that’s incredibly frustrating to him.

At the end of the first movie the narration intoned that embracing his love of Blair’s Sherman had fully made Hellboy a man. But he continues to act out in a decidedly immature way throughout the second movie. That changes, though, when he finds out that Sherman is pregnant with his child. That knowledge is, quite literally in the story, what gives him the will to live. Even though at that point he still acts first and thinks things through later, he does step up in the final showdown and embrace, if not his role as destroyer of worlds, certainly his role as the leader of the societal subset he and his cohorts inhabit.

It’s watching the evolution of the relationships between the characters, especially Hellboy and Sherman, that provides the most satisfying component of Hellboy II. The fantasy adventure is enjoyable and, like most action movies, an essential hook on which to hang that action. But unlike a good deal of those action movies Hellboy II, like the first film and the animated features that have been released in the intervening years, never loses sight of the fact that story is what keeps people engaged.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army was released on DVD on Tuesday, 11/11 in both single and three-disc editions. The two-disc release carries with it a ton of value-added content, including behind-the-scenes journeys with del Toro and the production staff, a look into the film’s marketing campaign and much, much more, including a digital copy of the movie you can download to your computer. You can read Adam Forrest’s original review of the movie here.

Under discussion:

Goldfinger  (1964)

Live and Let Die  (1973)

The Spy Who Loved Me  (1977)

Thunderball  (1965)

GoldenEye  (1995)

Casino Royale  (2006)

Quantum of Solace  (2008)

Maxim has named Quantum of Solace actress Olga Kurylenko “the hottest Bond Girl ever.” How does one even make such an assessment, when there are so many memorable Bond Girl moments? Remember Ursula Andress, rising from the sea in a bikini? Or Halle Berry, rising from the sea in a bikini? Or Famke Janssen sex-attacking Pierce Brosnan in GoldenEye? (Oh, Famke. You really know how to pick a paycheck.)

If you answered “Sure. Whatever.” to one or both of those first two examples, I have a statistic that I’d like to share with you. Did you know that there’s an extremely high rate of death amongst Bond Girls who have worn a bikini? It’s true. Based on my extraordinarily scientific research, out of 11 Bond girls who had “bikini moments,” to borrow the terminology used on JamesBondWiki, five died before the end of the film. That’s 45 percent, making the wearing of a two piece bathing suit in the company of James Bond just about the most dangerous activity a woman could engage in anywhere on the planet at any time in history.

In the hopes that future Bond Girls will learn the lesson of their forebears and stay away from the skimpy garments of death, I’ve compiled a five point dossier on how and why these bathing beauties met their mortal ends.

Jill Masterson (Shirley Eaton) in Goldfinger

Auric Goldfinger’s ladyfriend is quite the multi-tasker: the bikini-clad, binocular-toting Bond Girl manages to help her boyfriend cheat at cards and work on her tan at the same time! Apparently less impressed than I, Goldfinger eventually paints her gold and she dies of “skin suffocation.” Years later, Mythbusters investigated whether or not such a death is actually possible (answer: probably not), and actress Shirley Eaton appeared on the show to refute rumors that she actually died while encased in gold paint for the movie.

Fiona Volpe (Luciana Paluzzi) in Thunderball

This bad Bond Girl is a SPECTRE asassin who eventually takes a bullet that was meant for James. But not before, in the inimitable words of her character’s Wikipedia profile, “she waits for Bond in his bathtub, she seduces him and they have erotic sex.” That’s the best kind to have!

Rosie Carver (Gloria Hendry) in Live and Let Die

Another Bond villainess, Rosie was the first black Bond Girl. A rogue CIA agent, she checks into Bond’s hotel room as “Mrs. Bond” so that she can be there to seduce him when he arrives. Rosie manages to keep her true identity a secret through a day of deep sea fishing, but eventually James figures out that his new lover is actually a baddie and confronts her, at which point she runs away, only to be killed by another underling of the bad guy she’s been working for.

Naomi (Caroline Munro) in The Spy Who Loved Me

It is important for helicopter pilots to wear bikinis. Especially helicoptor pilots who flirt with James Bond while trying to shoot him. Unfortunately, this skimpily-dressed helicopter pilot/would-be 007 assassin didn’t get her man, in either a mortal sense or a sexy one, because James blew up her helicopter with a torpedo.

Solange Dimitrios (Caterina Murino) in Casino Royale

Solange, the wife of one of main bad guy Le Chiffre’s men, is first seen riding a horse on the beach in her bikini. After Bond wins her husband’s Aston Martin in a poker game, he gives Solange a ride back to his hotel. They’re all set to Do It when the phone rings, and Solange ends up leaking the info that Bond will need to thwart her husband’s terrorist attack on Miami. Yay for Bond (and Miami), bad for Solange, who is tortured and killed as a result.

Under discussion:

The Apartment  (1960)

The Breakfast Club  (1985)

Bugs Bunny's Looney Christmas Tales  (1979)

Critters 2: The Main Course  (1988)

Dutch  (1991)

Gremlins  (1984)

Groundhog Day  (1993)

Home Alone  (1990)

Lethal Weapon  (1987)

Mickey's Christmas Carol  (1983)

A Midnight Clear  (1992)

Planes, Trains and Automobiles  (1987)

Roger & Me  (1989)

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation  (1989)

The Santa Clause  (1994)

The War at Home  (1996)

The Ice Storm  (1997)

I saw Christmas decorations in a storefront Sunday, so I guess it’s already time to break out the holiday movies. And it’s evidently time for distributors to release holiday fare to theaters, even if Desplechin’s A Christmas Tale (Un conte de Noël), which hits theaters this Friday, isn’t exactly the latest crowd-pleasing installment of the Santa Clause franchise. In fact, with such ingredients as estrangement, mental illness, alcoholism and cancer, it doesn’t seem like a very happy holidays kind of film. Even if it is actually a comedy.

But then how many holiday movies are completely void of depressing themes and scenes? I’m sure to have grown up thinking more about the homeless, suicide and family dysfunction from films set at Christmas and Thanksgiving than I did thinking about the happiness that comes with these holidays. One of the most tearjerking moments for me as a kid was certainly seeing Mickey Mouse crying over his dead son in Mickey’s Christmas Carol. It’s no wonder so many people get sad this time of year. Movies are influential, and for every bit of slapstick we see this season, there’s potentially room for thoughts of abandoned children to go along with it.

Worse for our tearducts are the films that aren’t necessarily thought of as “holiday movies,” which are typically more honest about how much of a bummer holidays can truly be. So get out your hanky and check out our list of ten most depressing holidays in movies:

Movie: Planes, Trains and Automobiles

Depressing holiday: Thanksgiving

It’s likely that John Hughes is a real drag on holidays. His scripts feature kids forgotten at Christmastime (Home Alone and its sequels), poor teens who get cartons of cigarettes as presents (The Breakfast Club) and yuletide kidnappings (Christmas Vacation). Thanksgiving seems to be the most melancholy for him, though, as is clear from the bittersweet road trip movies Dutch and Planes, Trains and Automobiles, the latter of which is up there with the saddest “comedies” ever made. Sure, it ultimately has a happy ending, but those last few minutes leave you bawling as you watch the montage and subsequent scene revealing John Candy’s true living situation.

Film: The Apartment

Depressing Holiday: Christmas

It’s sad enough to be a lonely bachelor on Christmas Eve. It’s even sadder to be loaning out your home as a lover’s hideaway on such a night. Saddest of all, though, has to be returning to said apartment to find a half-dead woman in your bed who has attempted suicide with your sleeping pills (bonus points for her being your crush). The Apartment also has one of the more depressing New Year’s Eves on film, even if it does kind of figure into a “happy” ending.

Film: Lethal Weapon

Depressing Holiday: Christmas

Sgt. Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson) is also a lonely man on Christmas Eve dealing with suicide, but here it’s the contemplation of his own. While watching Bugs Bunny’s Christmas Carol on TV and thinking about his dead wife, he loads up his gun and wrestles with his demons. It’s one of the most heart-wrenching scenes to ever be included in an action movie.

Film: The War at Home

Depressing Holiday: Thanksgiving

Like Martin Riggs, Jeremy Collier (Emilio Estevez) is a Vietnam vet, and also like Riggs, he has trouble putting his gun away during the holidays. Unlike Riggs, though, Jeremy’s weapon is directed at his father (Martin Sheen) rather than himself, and that leads to a less-depressing but no less disheartening situation.

Film: A Midnight Clear

Depressing Holiday: Christmas

One of the most bittersweet war films ever made, A Midnight Clear is set during Christmas, 1944, in the middle of WWII and involves an intended holiday truce between American and German troops. Unfortunately, things go wrong. Not only does the film remind us currently that so many soldiers are away from home and potentially fighting on Christmas, it also displays some depressing truths about humanity and war that are saddening regardless of the season.

Film: The Ice Storm

Depressing Holiday: Thanksgiving

This movie (which could also qualify for yesterday’s list of best dysfunctional families) reminds us of how sad Thanksgiving can be on an historical level thanks to the sardonic pre-dinne grace said by Wendy (Christina Ricci) regarding both America’s tradition of killing and robbing the Indians and its gluttonous disregard for the starving people around the world (didn’t we all go through that holiday protest phase?). Oh, and it features one of the most unsettling death-by-electrocution scenes ever.

Film: Gremlins

Depressing Holiday: Christmas

The present holiday of this horror comedy classic is pretty sad considering all the death and destruction being caused by little green monsters, but the real depressing Christmas is the one from the past that Kate (Phoebe Cates) tells about. You know, the one where her father broke his neck and died on Christmas Eve while playing Santa Claus. And by recalling the details so slowly and in depth (she could have just simply said that her dad died on Christmas), she makes it even more somber a story than is welcome at such an already fearsome occasion.

Film: Critters 2: The Main Course

Depressing Holiday: Easter

Obviously taking a cue from Gremlins, this sequel similarly involves little creatures terrorizing a small town during a holiday. And while not quite as gloomy for a young viewer as the earlier, better film, Critters 2 does feature a relatively upsetting scene in which “the Easter Bunny” is attacked by Crites and then crashes through a church window, ultimately bleeding from the mouth, dead.

Film: Groundhog Day

Depressing Holiday: Groundhog Day

Not that anyone really celebrates this “holiday” (neither school nor post office is closed), but whatever. Though treated as black comedy, there is something quite depressing about all those suicide attempts made by Phil Connors (Bill Murray). It’s enough to cast a shadow (yuk yuk) on all the happiness that otherwise would come from Groundhog Day if it actually involved celebratory activities.

Film: Roger & Me

Depressing Holiday: Christmas

Documentaries have the ability to make for the most depressing holidays, because they feature real life events — like a family being evicted from their home on Christmas day. This one is especially grim this year, as it’s possible that with the economy and mortgage crisis what they are that some families across America will be experiencing such a fate this December 25.