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Under discussion:

Synecdoche, New York  (2008)

So, we’re taking the rest of the week off. Enjoy your, uh, eating and shopping? That’s what people do, right? (I’m half-English, so I’m only half willing to admit that Thanksgiving even exists.) But first, for your holiday browsing pleasure, here are a bunch of stories from this week that I meant to comment on but ran out of time. Let me know if there’s anything in particular that you’d like me to revisit in depth next week.

• “Auteurism had Andrew Sarris. Abstract expressionism had Clement Greenberg. Punk rock had Lester Bangs. Where is the equivalent voice for today’s documentary scene?” So ponders Thom Powers, before offering a number of tips for those of us who might aim to fill the position.
• “Is there room in that diverse [film festival] community for people of faith?  For people of more conservative political beliefs?  Or are film festivals only for the support and promotion of those who agree with a specific, left-of-center political philosophy?  And therefore, must major film festivals — and their primary staff — have a de facto bias toward that philosphy?” AJ Schnack examines the implications of the Prop 8/Rich Raddon situation.
• Eric Kohn visited the Futures of Entertainment conference, sponsored by the Comparative Media Studies department at MIT. “As the conversations progressed, so too did a flurry of typing from numerous laptops throughout the audience: Microblogging and online chatter created a series of miniature conversations that converged into a unified whole.”
• In the second of potentially three posts on Synechdoche, NY, Filmbrain runs Charlie Kaufman’s directorial debut through the ringer of the Jungian concept of individuation. “The individuation process is about the uniting of opposites — good and evil, masculine and feminine, matter and spirit, body and psyche. There’s no question that Caden undertakes the journey, but he fails to become an individual, both literally and psychologically. Caden treats his life (both the conscious and unconscious elements) like a stage play, yet his attempt at directing from an omniscient position robs him of (in alchemical terms) the prima materia required for one to be a person.”

Under discussion:

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure  (1989)

Chopping Mall  (1986)

Dawn of the Dead  (1979)

Falling Down  (1993)

Mannequin  (1987)

Modern Times  (1936)

Night of the Comet  (1984)

Splash  (1984)

The Toy  (1982)

True Stories  (1986)

The Women  (1939)

The Blues Brothers  (1980)

Police Story  (1985)

Jingle All the Way  (1997)

Pleasantville  (1998)

28 Days Later  (2003)

Dawn of the Dead  (2003)

El Crimen Ferpecto  (2004)

Black Friday is a scary time for shoppers in any given year. The crowds, the lines, the difficulty finding parking — all these and more are common annoyances on the day after Thanksgiving, as millions upon millions of Americans begin the Christmas season by making a run for the shopping malls and department stores in hopes of finding the best bargains. This year, of course, the economic downturn will make the day even worse than usual. The stores may be desperately holding the biggest sales we’ll ever witness, but lowest prices aren’t quite low enough for those who are broke or bankrupt.

So, you may stay home this Friday. Perhaps you’ll at least make some minor online purchases, because you’re a patriotic, consuming American and it’s kind of like an unofficial holiday in our capitalist democracy. But don’t not go out to the mall simply because of the craziness potentially happening on its many floors of fashion and furnishings. You mustn’t be frightened of the crowds. Just recall any or all of the following ten movie scenes and by comparison you’ll think your Black Friday errands are like a stroll in the park.

10. Arnold Schwarzenegger vs. Sinbad in Jingle All the Way (1996)

Maybe in the past there were physical fights for Cabbage Patch Kids or Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, but in the age of the Internet, there are easier ways of tracking down hot items on your kid’s wish list. So, while this sequence depicting two fathers’ desperate attempts to locate a Turbo Man toy is ridiculously exaggerated and despicably malicious for its time, it’s now even farther from likelihood and even less possible to sympathize with or relate to.

9. Beethoven shops for keyboards, Genghis Khan tries out baseball bats and other historical figures experience 1980s mall culture in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1988)

Obviously you don’t think you’ll be running into such oldies as Abraham Lincoln, Joan of Arc or Billy the Kid, but there could be some relatively ancient folks out and about Friday. And they may not be familiar with such newfangled presents as iPods and Blu-ray. But give the Grannies a break, because they haven’t yet mastered Amazon.com and its not like they’re causing too much ruckus. Unlike Joan and Genghis.

8. Madison learns English at Bloomingdales in Splash (1984)

Maybe it is plausible for a mermaid to pick up the local language by watching a few hours of television. How are we to prove otherwise? But wouldn’t she have some kind of an accent if she were used to communicating with high-pitched shrieks? Whatever, it’s obviously not the movie for such questions regarding believabilty. Here’s the more important thing to consider: of all the yelling and screaming going on at the shops this Friday, nothing will be as bad as Madison’s pronunciation of her real name. Also, I bet modern TV screens aren’t as easily shattered.

7. Neo-Nazi salesman at the Army Surplus store in Falling Down (1993)

It’s true that many salespersons and cashiers are slow, rude, incompetent or all of the above. But thank goodness there aren’t actually a lot of sexist, homophobic neo-Nazis helping you as you buy shoes. As much as you think you’ve experienced the worst employee ever hired by a retail chain, chances are it wasn’t as much of an inconvenience as it was for William Foster (Michael Douglas) to have to deal with this “sick asshole.”

6. Technicolor fashion show in The Women (1939)

This scene is so unnecessary to the film’s plot that it was easily removed for some modern screenings. Mostly it seems just to serve as a showcase for costume designer Adrian, whose fashions are displayed in Technicolor, while the rest of the film is presented in black and white. For the film’s characters to wear any of those outfits, they would have appeared too bold and sexy for their time (it would be like in Pleasantville). Imagine shopping in a store where the clothes aren’t even in the same color spectrum as the world you live in? Okay, in some stores it does seem like that’s the case, but nowhere near as bad as this.

5. Bizarre fashion show in True Stories (1986)

And despite its dismissal of physics, the parade in The Women is nowhere near as bad as the fashion show in this bizarre film from Talking Heads frontman David Byrne. There’s not even anything that can be said for this scene other than that we should all be thankful the kids aren’t wearing anything quite so ridiculous. Even some of the stuff at Hot Topic seems more normal in comparison.

4. After hours shopping spree in Modern Times (1936)

One great fantasy for all good, consumerist Americans is the empty-store scenario. Whether it’s the end of the world (a la Night of the Comet and 28 Days Later) or simply after hours (Mannequin; El Crimen Ferpecto), the dream is somewhat the same: free reign on all the goods in the store, from food to fashion to roller skates. And for a poor little gamin in Modern Times, it’s like a heavenly shopping spree, even if none of the items are to leave the department store when the fun is over. However, as much as you might hope you had the stores all to yourself on Friday, be thankful that you’re obeying the rules and laws and therefore won’t be arrested when the shopping’s done.

3. Mall car chase in The Blues Brothers (1980)

Good thing there’s a quick shot of a Toys “R” Us customer asking a cashier for a Miss Piggy doll or this scene wouldn’t really have anything to do with shopping. It would just simply be a chaotic car chase through a shopping mall. Of course, the destruction could still read as a destroying of the idea of capitalism, just as a similar reading is made about the mall fight in Jackie Chan’s Police Story, as well as any other such mall-set action scene, of which there seemed to be plenty in the materialistic 1980s. As fun as it seems, and as frustrated you might get on Friday, please don’t drive your car into any stores.

2. Zombies go shopping in Dawn of the Dead (1978)

This movie is not just some horror flick about people trapped in a mall, threatened by a terrorizing enemy. That’s Chopping Mall. Or the Dawn of the Dead remake. No, this is a satire of consumerism, and all those zombies are representative of the folks you’ll be encountering on Black Friday. But at least they won’t try and eat you. Probably.

1. Richard Pryor is reduced to property in The Toy (1982)

Kids are really spoiled these days, even more than they were twenty-six years ago, but no matter how hard it is to imagine what to get the boy who has everything, don’t even think of asking an African-American man if you can buy him for your son.

Under discussion:

Strictly Ballroom  (1992)

The Wizard of Oz  (1939)

William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet  (1996)

Moulin Rouge  (2001)

Australia  (2008)

I might as well get this out of the way first: I loved Baz Luhrmann’s epic Australia. I was on the fence about seeing this, especially once I heard about the 165 minute running time, but I gave in and boy was I glad. It’s a sprawling epic with nods to classic films of the 30s and 40s, and besides featuring the eye candy combo of Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman, it also introduces Brandon Walters, who is possibly the cutest child actor alive. If there was some sort of scientific cuteness scale, he’d break it.

Despite the beautiful vistas and the sweeping storyline, not everyone is loving it. After the press screening I attended, a bunch of us gathered on the street outside the theater to debate reactions. It was oddly dividing: people either hated it or loathed it. I’d spent part of the week with a friend from Australia, and he’d denounced it as cheesy, because they have two Aussies in the lead roles: Jackman doing a faux “crikey!” Australian accent, while Kidman actually has a faux British accent. He said most of his friends in Sydney felt the same way.

Here in the States, Australia’s detractors are saying a lot of the same things. So, I’m taking the top five critiques of Australia and refuting them. I might not be able to change the critics’ minds, but I’m hoping you’ll at least give the movie a chance in theaters. Spoilers ahead!

Somewhere Over The Rainbow

“Umpteen choruses of “Over the Rainbow,” the Wizard of Oz tune that is sung whenever a tear needs jerking.” Peter Travers - Rolling Stone

“You’ll also get a bit tired of hearing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and references to Oz again and again.” Tricia Olszewski - Washington City Paper

There’s a pretty strong effort by Luhrmann to link Australia to The Wizard of Oz, and not just with this song. However, I have to take issue with these two critics. Maybe they don’t remember the movie that well, but it’s not sung often. Kidman first performs a comical rendition of the song because she can’t remember the words to it, and later Nullah sees it on the screen, basking in the glow of his first movie ever. It is played on a harmonica several times, but that’s because it becomes the song linking Lady Ashley and Nullah together. When he tells her, “I’ll sing you to me,” he means with that song. When he inherits the harmonica from the ill-fated accountant, of course he’s bound to play it –a nd yes, your heart is made of black ice if you don’t feel a twinge or two whenever he does.

The Running Time

“Long before the second hour of Australia (which feels like the fifth)…” Lisa Schwarzbaum - Entertainment Weekly

“When this storyline is resolved at only ninety minutes, the film gets another fresh hour out of the bombing of Darwin by the Japanese in 1941…” Matt Goldberg - Collider

Yes, we get it: the movie is long. But where was it ever written that films should always be two hours long at max? If I’m being entertained and I’m still drawn in by the story, then I don’t mind how long it stretches on. Although I’m not lobbying for a director’s cut version of Australia that rivals Che in length, I certainly didn’t find the movie to be too long. Yes, there are separate story arcs throughout, but even when the movie is over, you’re still wondering what’s going on the the main characters. Especially Nullah, who heads off into the Outback on walkabout with his mystical grandfather.

It’s Sappy

“You may find yourself drowning in high-fructose Aussie corn syrup…” Michael Phillips - The Chicago Tribune

“Australia is what you get when the film projector overheats and the only thing that comes out is pure corn syrup.” Brandon Fibbs - BrandonFibbs.com

Can you name one Baz Luhrmann film that isn’t sappy and overtly saccharine at times? Strictly Ballroom, Romeo + Juliet, Moulin Rouge… they’ve all had those moments, so why would Australia be any different? It’s a sweeping epic fantasy love story, and if you can name any massive romance movie for me that doesn’t have even the tiniest bit of schmaltz in it, then I’ll buy your movie popcorn for a month. Several main characters get murdered in this story, aboriginal children are ripped from their homes, and the Japanese bomb Darwin, including a mission full of kids. If a filmmaker can’t balance that out with loads of happier moments and some cinematic sugar, then you’d just wind up with a depressing mess. You look for those cheesy moments to balance the mood, and even though in Luhrmann’s case you can see them coming from a mile away, they’re just as welcome.

The Special Effects Are Bad

“The CGI sequences – the cattle stampede, the Japanese bombing raid – that look so glaringly, absurdly fake” Tom Maurstad - The Dallas Morning News

“The BLUE SCREEN EFFECTS WERE DOWNRIGHT AWFUL. I felt like I was watching 10,000 B.C.” - Kevin McCarthy - Big Daddy Kev’s Movie Reviews

This was one of the big ones that people were talking about outside my screening, and I also wonder if these same people saw Moulin Rouge. That didn’t really look like a nightclub in the middle of Paris, it looked stylized and cartoonishly fake. Likewise, Australia goes to great lengths to create scenes that aren’t meant to look “fake” exactly, but they’re meant to imitate the style of films from the 30s and 40s that often featured fake sunsets and night skies. Luhrmann is creating fantasy here, so why would he try going for photorealism? It’s meant to look larger than life, grand, and completely garish and fake at times. You’ve taken the twister into Oz, and it’s not meant to look like a documentary that was shot on location. Besides, the CGI attack on Darwin, which many people say looks fake, looked pretty darn realistic to me. It looked better than Michael Bay’s Pearl Harbor, and that wasn’t so shabby either. Maybe everyone should just go back to using miniatures so people will stop talking about CGI.

Nicole Kidman Can’t Act

“Why won’t Nicole Kidman’s face move?” Stephanie Zacharek - Salon

“Think Katharine Hepburn in The African Queen, without the facial expressivity. Geoff Berkshire - Metromix Chicago

These truly baffle me. I mean, Zacharek becomes so obsessed with Nicole Kidman’s face that she ends her review by talking about the nearly magical qualities of her ultrasmooth forehead. Either I didn’t pay enough attention to Kidman’s face or else it didn’t annoy me, but she had plenty of facial expressions to go around. She has looks that range from shock, to surprise, to anger, to adoration, to sadness… what do these people expect? No, she’s not as rubberfaced as Jim Carrey, but she certainly doesn’t look like a Botoxed angel made of alabaster. The last time I checked, this is the same Kidman who won an Academy Award for her role in The Hours. Do they think she’s had her facial muscles severed since then? I thought she did a bang-up job throughout the film, and yes, her face does indeed move quite a bit.