More confessions: I am also a Kevin Smith fan. Not a big one. I own the original five View Askiewniverse films. Some are better than others. I tend to rate them, my favorite to least favorite, in this order: Dogma, the original Clerks, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Mallrats, Chasing Amy. Say what you want about Jay and Bob Strike Back, but I thought it was a fitting end (or what I thought was the end) of this odd assortment of films, which celebrate male insecurities, fanboyism, and vulgarity in ways that should not appeal to me, yet they do. Some of the films broached complicated subjects (faith in Dogma, love and sex in Chasing Amy), while others were pure joyrides of testosterone (Jay and Bob). Yet, what charms me, a female, about Kevin Smith and his unique sense of humor is the balance he strikes between the vulgar and mundane with the intelligent, witty, astute, and even tender or sentimental. Jay and Bob are comic relief, but they have heart, can be gentle, and are the arguably iconic characters that tie the whole thing together. It seemed appropos to end with them getting their "motherf---ing movie check "and going about their pointless, drug dealing, sex-starved lives.
Apparently, K. Smitty had other ideas in mind. I guess he felt no closure about Dante and Randal, characters introduced in the original Clerks, which is now kind of a classic in its own right. Either that, or the tanking of Jersey Girl and the apparent limits of Kev's imagination (and of his financial security) prompted him to revisit these characters, Jay and Bob in tow, for whatever it was worth in the end. Confoundingly, in the introduction on the DVD, Smith says this is his favorite film of the View Askiewniverse. After renting the movie as a fan but with reasonably low expectations, I don't see how he can say that, and I'm being as non-critical as possible given the sort of film he typically creates.
Ten years later, Dante is still a counter-jockey at the Quick Stop, while Randal is still overseeing the neighboring video store. That is, until the strip mall catches fire (Randal's fault of course). Pan to one year later, and the two friends have been trying to forage ahead as thirtysomethings in the fast food industry (hello Mooby). Jay and Bob have followed them; Jay's apparently found rehab and God but is otherwise the same smartass he always was, and the two stoners stalk Dante and Randal at their new jobs. Dante (who was never supposed to be here today!) is engaged to Emma, played by Kevin Smith's real-life wife Jennifer Schwalbach-Smith, a woman he doesn't really love, and is about to move with her to Florida at the behest of her parents. He must, thus, cope with his last day at Mooby Burger, pestered by Randal and mooning over his erstwhile one-night stand and true love, manager Becky (Rosario Dawson). In the meantime, there's this weird kid named Elias who's really in love with the Lord of the Rings, sex with a donkey, and random cameo appearances by K. Smitty's friends, including Ben Affleck and Jason Lee, staples of his previous movies.
Much has happened since 1994, and it's this lapse of time that really renders the whole movie a stale exercise in growing up, albeit a little late and unconvincingly. What made the original Clerks such a good movie was the fact that these two characters became voices of Generation X from opposite sides of the spectrum. The movie was largely dialogue-driven, shot as it was for a few thousand dollars and during the night shift of Kev's former employer, the QuickStop. While sometimes vulgar, the film actually contained witticisms, pointed nuggets of wisdom, and critiques about being a 20-something in the 90s. Also, who can forget Randal's semi-iconic waxing about how Return of the Jedi is superior to the Empire Strikes Back (he disagrees with Dante by saying "blasphemy") and how he feels sorry for the as-yet unfinished and ultimately destroyed second Death Star workers and officers, who were no doubt there on contract to make a buck and without any true allegiance to the Empire or Rebellion ("innocent bystanders in a galactic war").
Clerks II has none of the originality of the first film, and though it's a sequel, it doesn't adhere to any of the rules (more is better, recycle as much as you can). Dante and Randal, and the actors who portray them, are washed up. Kevin's wife is not a convincing actress. There's not much said about being a 30-something in the new millenium, other than what expectations are versus what reality is. There's one sincerely funny exchange between Randal and a fanboy played in cameo by Alias' Kevin Weisman, who comes to Elias' defense about the Lord of the Rings, much to Randal's chagrin, who believes the only true trilogy is that of the original Star Wars (this is an argument I really don't feel comfortable taking sides on myself). There's a cringeworthy exchange on what constitutes a racial slur, a dicey subject, even if endorsed by Wanda Sykes, who also appeared in cameo. Otherwise, I didn't really laugh. It was not funny like other Smith films have struck me, and that alone was the most disappointing part.
Plus, we never learned what happened to certain characters. We assume Caitlin Bree is scarred for life after having sex with a dead guy in the QuickStop bathroom in the last movie, but no further word? What happened with Veronica?
And I have to and hate to say: sober Jason Mewes or sober Jay, if you can separate the two, is simply not as funny as his drug-addled counterpart. His impression of Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs was not really all that funny as much as creepy. Silent Bob also did not have much to say when he finally did talk, and if this was Kevin Smith's favorite film of his, then I would like to know why he didn't bring more to the table?
All in all, this feels like an exercise in underselling oneself and selling out in a way. These characters should have been left alone. Happy endings abound, but I didn't feel satisfied after watching it, and I wonder if K. Smitty can concentrate on a truly original idea in the future rather than trying to eek more from a well that's clearly run dry.
Is this scathing? I don't know. I do know that I rate Clerks II a 5.5, between utterly mediocre (I mean, it was funnier than Wedding Crashers) and cute (because it tried to be cute but kind of failed). Does it pass the test? I don't know. I own all of the other ViewAskiew movies, and I kind of want to keep it complete, but I'm not in any rush to buy this movie or to watch it again. It fell flat, which explains why it didn't do so well in the theater. Maybe it wasn't even supposed to be here today.