'If I "owned" the Batman-name, I would be offended by Joel Schumaker and his conspirators in this farce.'
That's what I was thinking through most of Batman & Robin ... but there were a few (very-small) saving-graces---"some useful carbon in this crap."
First, the offenses: A lot of the 'jokes' in the dialogue were aimed at the pervy tween set---the ones who have heard all the catchy sayings used by the villains but who are not quite annoyed at them yet.
And the 'exposition'? Geez! Joel ought to have had Uma walk out in front of a red curtain before the show: "Ummm, okay you guys, I'm playing this nerd-loser scientist who's like an ecology-loving freak! And she's partnered with another kind of freak who (she doesn't know) is using her work for evil military
"And, ummm, she's always dreamed of the day when rich men would be, ummm, like putty in her nerdy little hands, when they would all fawn over her and her clever little turns-of-speech.
"Ummm, yeah. Enjoy the show."
That is what Joel should've done instead of having Uma talk to herself just before going down to her partner's lab to see how Joel was about to waste the talents of Jesse Ventura. Uma's opening scene--the sparkling charisma shining through the lame-o monologue--set the lame-o tones of the movie's lame-o majority.
What Joel ought to have done--if money were not such a deciding factor--is fully tell the creations of Poison Ivy (going back to when she was just a doctoral student deciding that plant-life was awesome) and of Dr. Freeze, rather than just apprising us of their situations through phone-book voiceover.
But I held on through the end (even though I 'lost interest'), because ... well, I wanted to write about it. And wouldn't have felt right doing so if I didn't at least 'sit through' it.
But if I were just going to see a movie at a theater, my popcorn-bucks wouldn't have made it through the first half-hour.