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MudHoney Blog

  • Please Don't watch this movie

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    Under discussion:

    Jill the Ripper  (2000)

    Because:

    1.) It's not even remotely suspenseful and you already know what's going to happen like, 20 minutes into the movie.

    2.) Bad acting. And I'm talking EVERYONE in the movie.

    3.) People get punched in the face for no reason. This neither fun nor is it neccesary.

    4.) On the plus side (or downside, depending who you are), it's got alot of S&M in it. Leather, whips, chains, rope, everything. 

    5.) It's just.....really....*sigh*....just bad, please don't watch it.

    6.) The dialogue is repulsive and badly written.   


  • This Blog is so Pretentious

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    Under discussion:

    Garden State  (2004)

    Why is it that every single "Indie" film I come across, every SINGLE one mind you, has the word "Pretentious" written in the tag-space? What on earth makes a film pretentious? What does the word "pretentious" mean, exactly? Well, I just so happen to have a dictionary here with me, so let's dig in, kids.

    Pretentious: "1. Making claims, explicit or implicit, to some distinction, importance, dignity, etc. 2. showy; ostentatious."

     Hmmm. Doesn't seem to be answering my question too well. How about the word "pretense"?

    Pretense: "1. a claim: pretension: as, he made no pretense to being infallible. 2. a false claim or profession: as, a pretense  of friendship. 3. a false show of something. 4. something said or done for show. 5. a pretending, as at a play; make-believe. 6. a false reason; pretext. 7. pretentiousness."

    Well, if your going strictly by dictionary deffinition alone, I'd say the mainstream stuff that the nameless, faceless "they" of hollywood keeps spewing forth is more pretentious than most of the small studio, indie movies. Granted, some of it is pretty darn whiny and has no point (i.e. the whole "Home" speech in Garden State) What are movies if they AREN'T pretentious, if you're going by the number five deffinition of pretentiousness? "A pretending, as at a play"!!!??? MOVIES ARE PRETENDING!! Aren't they?  


  • Why I want to kick James Van Der Beek in the face

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    Oh, you all know James Van Der Beek, squeaky clean blonde leading man of a well-known T.V. show in the late 90's known neausiatingly as "Dawson's Creek". Whenever I see his face I want to kick him until he stops twitching. I cannot explain this odd affliction, it's just biology. He so....vescerally pretentious. I don't know, maybe I shouldn't bore you with this, and actually write about, oh....I don't know, MOVIES. But, just know that if you ever see the words "James Van Der Beek Kicked in the Face" flashing in the news somewhere, you'll know who did it. And he would have had fair warning too. One of his friends (if he has any) with a spout account would run up to him and shout "DUDE, JVDB! This bitch with a spider avatar is going to *** your face-shit up! Run, bitch, RUN!!!" And he would have taken his friends advice and movied to the island of Bali. And if he doesn't, well, that's his own fault.  


  • The Shiver Moment

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          I have, in movies, what I call "Shiver Moments". They're moments in films where I'm simply watching the movie and all of a sudden I get goosebumps. These are the type of goosebumps which arise from more sensual scenes in movies, rather than exhilarating thrills, like car chases or explosions, although some car chases and explosions aren't even exhilarating or thrilling, they're just dumb. Anywho, I have three distinct Shiver Moments, or rather senual scenes that have given me goosebumps involuntarily.

    1.) Amelie- The scene where Amelie goes to the carnival horror ride and "The Ghost" whispers into her ear "ooooooo" and delicately plays with her neck. You can see the excitement both parties are derving from this close contact: The Ghost, zero-ing in on her neck and collarbone, Amelie, closing her eyes as he breathes into her hair. You can almost feel the heat from his breath as he talks. There is also an element of Anonimity. Amelie knows who HE is but he doesn't know who SHE is. Ahhh, love that scene.

    2.) Rebecca- The Scene where Mrs. Danvers is taking the heroine through a tour of Rebecca's old room. I know, I know, why the hell would I pick that creepy scene? Well, The part where Mrs. Danvers picks up the fur coat and brushes it against the heroine's cheek gets me everytime. I connect with the heroine, I can feel the texture of the fur as it's hurried across her skin. And the part where Danvers is pseudo-brushing the heroine's hair, like I can feel the brush being pulled through my own hair. This scene is very sexual, in the way that movies made under the hays code can possibly be sexy. The obvious lesbian tendencies Danvers has, the masculinity of her role, the meek, female role our heroine has been put in. The see-through underwear Danvers shows to the heroine. It's all very discreet, but sexual nonetheless.

    3.) Girl with a Pearl Earring- The scene where Greet is posing for Vermeer, where he asks her to part hir lips and lick them. "Now lick your lips" he says, she does by putting her bottom lip under her top lip. "Again" he asks, she does, "Again" he asks, his trailing off, she does. Scarlett Johannson plays the part of Greet, and if you pay attention to that sort of thing, you'll notice she's fairly well-endowed in the lip department. There is a theory that explains why men feel so attracted to full-lips, reasoning that plump lips remind men or, rather people, of the labia majora (the lips of the vagina) which, of course, remind people of sex. That movie is so detailed and rich, each scene seems like a Vermeer painting.

    I was sure I had another one, from a more recent film I'd watched, but I can't think of it now. I'll keep you all updated. Tell me what you think, send me messages, let's discuss movies please.    


 

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