By Tricia Olszewski
Inspired by a true story; promoted by a misleading ad campaign. Primeval isn’t about an African “serial killer” who’s taken 300-plus lives and remains lurking. It’s about a crocodile, and to openly compare a crocodile to the likes of Ted Bundy and BTK is—how do I put this?—stupid.
To further disappoint filmgoers expecting a slasher, Primeval doesn’t even focus exclusively on the croc; instead it tries to be a looks-and-brains girl by mixing politics with its gore, à la its big stepsister, Blood Diamond. But don’t balk just yet: This approach potentially doubles the ways in which the annoying lead characters may die. Screenwiters John D. Brancato and Michael Ferris, who also wrote Catwoman—I should give up here, shouldn’t I?—put American television journalists Tim (Dominic Purcell), Aviva (Brooke Langton), and Steven (Orlando Jones) in South Africa to report on the freshwater murderer, dubbed Gustave. Tim is dour and arrogant, and, amazingly, perpetually wearing his shirts half-unbuttoned isn’t the most irritating thing about him: He’s condescending to Aviva because she’s pretty and a relative newcomer and is downright floored when he finds out she attended Columbia. Aviva, on the other hand, is perhaps the most naive journo ever, willing to risk her life to save a puppy but clueless that the natives’ civil war might put them in danger, too. Meanwhile, cameraman Steven is the intended comic relief, but somehow he gets the only lines that pass Dialogue 101. (For an example of the rest, consider the wounded African boy who mutters, “I catch Gustave. Maybe he take me to America!”)
Though Primeval’s cinematography is gorgeous from the start—it was shot on location in South Africa—first-time feature director Michael Katleman seems to have dropped the ball at first, employing the shaky-camera, low-budget style of showing a monster attack without showing the whole monster. We do eventually see the croc in its entertaining entirety, however, with Katleman adding a couple of unique touches to the gruesomeness. (Wait ’til you see one dude’s head pop.) And the corruption and brutality of the local government, which keeps a gun-scoped eye on the crew, is, admittedly, an interesting story in itself. It just belongs in another movie—as, perhaps, do you.