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  • Max Keeble's Big Move

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    How can you not love a kid who defangs the bully of his junior high with a giant Scottish frog? Max Keeble (shock-haired Alex D. Linz) may not be the biggest seventh-grader, but he certainly knows how to exact revenge on everyone who's been making his life miserable -- a decision spurred by his parents' announcement that the Keeble family will be moving out of town at the end of Max's horrible, no good, very bad week.

    Though Max is a target for torment because of both his size and his friendship with a kid whose everyday uniform is a bathrobe (Josh Peck, simply called Robe), he's also confident enough to flirt with the blond ninth-grader on his paper route and smart enough to remember what used to scare the bejesus out of McGinty (Noel Fisher), his former-friend-turned-bully (priceless flashback: a birthday party, a parent disguised as a dancing frog, and a 4-year-old sobbing, "I don't like McGoogals! McGoogals isn't Max's daddy!"). After Max is through taunting unreasonable teachers; foiling his out-of-school nemesis, the ice cream man; and forgetting about the going-away party thrown by his geeky friends as he dances with the blonde in post-milkshake-bender celebration, his parents break the news that they're not moving after all.

    Although the kiddies provide their share of zaniness -- a pigtailed little girl yelling "Fartknocker!" after receiving a half-melted fudgsicle is a highlight -- the best laughs come from Larry Miller as the oddball Principal Jindraike, who's alternately silly ("You're a smart little boy, but so am I!"), Seussian ("their pimples and their braces and their rickets and their lice!"), and just plain mean ("Oh, stop smiling! This is not a happy place!"). A couple of Max's more elaborate ploys may go on a little too long to hold the target audience's interest, but overall Max Keeble's Big Move is a pretty good one.


  • Glitter

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    Glitter  (2001)

    Mariah Carey is a singer. That's not an introduction but a reminder to anyone who sits through Glitter feeling as if he's watching a high school play whose lead got picked solely because she's pretty. A vanity project better suited to late-night cable than the big screen, Carey's semiautobiographical tale is a cliché-ridden amateur hour-and-50-minutes that's interesting only when she's showing off her pipes. The rest of it is hackneyed, often freakishly stylized, and ploddingly paced.

    Carey plays Billie, the daughter of a popular jazz singer who abandons her when her unspecified problems get out of control (scene: tragic song, mournful stills, kitten). We next see Billie working as a club dancer, and things move pretty quickly from there: After Billie and two friends are signed as backup singers for a woman who can't sing, a slimy DJ recognizes Billie's voice as leading the track the women recorded together and becomes her producer, lover, and friend. Billie soon sells out Madison Square Garden, DJ Dice (Max Beesley, or Denis Leary without the humor) turns angry and jealous of the attention she's getting, and Billie leaves (scene: tragic song, mournful stills, cat).

    Carey is an awful actress, resorting to a lot of chest-clutching and forehead-holding to express the horror of various setbacks, and her supporting cast isn't much better -- though when you ask a down-wit-dat character to enthuse, "She must have put some hours in with a vocal coach, man!" the actor can't really be blamed. At least director Vondie Curtis Hall's camera tricks add some unintentional laughs (the scene in which Dice spotlights Billie in a pass-the-mike contest is a highlight: Dice points to Billie, time stops, and the crush of faces surrounding her melt together -- the only thing missing is a halo). The obvious moral of the story is that Billie/Carey triumphs despite adversity, but even if you feel really, really bad for her when a video director wants her to forgo her revealing dress for a revealing bikini, the only pain you'll be experiencing by the end of Glitter is your own.


  • Hardball - Two Can Play That Game

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    Hardball  (2001)

    Give credit to the makers of Hardball for their inspired casting: You know that life in the projects has got to be bad when their young inhabitants choose to spend their free time with Keanu Reeves. As Conor O'Neill, Reeves is a compulsive gambler who gets coerced into coaching an inner-city baseball team in exchange for a loan to pay off his debts. Though he proves his initial protest that he "ain't good with kids" and does nothing in the way of coaching besides showing up with equipment and uniforms, Conor quickly becomes a father figure to a crew eager to look up to whoever will make himself available to them, even a lunkheaded white boy.

    Hardball purports to be the story of a man transformed by his exposure to how the other half lives, but the movie is best when it's focused on the kids. Though their primary charm is apparently their propensity to swear like sailors and say things such as "You suck — just like my girlfriend," each one of these tweens is shown to be more vulnerable than his thuggish exterior suggests. Julian Griffith delivers a credible nonstop whine as Jefferson, the tubby asthma sufferer who's afraid to walk home alone, and A. Delon Ellis Jr. brings a sweetness to Miles, the seemingly apathetic pitcher who never takes off his headphones, because he relies on the beats of Biggie Smalls to help him strike out his opponents. But DeWayne Warren offers the film's most emotionally wrenching performance as G-Baby, the runt of the litter who cries when he learns that he's too young to play beside his older brother and is desperate to be considered part of the team, even as a bench warmer.

    In comparison, Conor's trials aren't all that interesting. Co-writers Daniel Coyle (whose book chronicling the history of Chicago's Cabrini Green teams served as the film's basis) and John Gatins allow the evidently jobless Conor little variety in his routine — watch game, become exasperated, chain-smoke while worrying about money. A sequence showing him diligently picking up his weekly coaching stipend and delivering it to his potential kneecap-buster clumsily attempts to convey his newfound sense of responsibility — the film's sole indication that some kind of reformation is taking place — and after taking the kids out for pizza and driving a couple of them home after practice, he apparently starts to care.

    Conor learns about the realities of the players' lives through incidents both unfortunate for them (a mugging and a shooting) and unfortunate for us (Conor's awkward exchanges with the boys' teacher, played with scholarly sternness by Diane Lane). Besides Miles' rhythm-induced no-hitters, there's nothing engaging about these kids at play; the more compelling scenes take place off the field and demonstrate why the players want Conor to stick around, offering glimpses of the boys nervously checking out the gangs outside their run-down apartment buildings or explaining to their coach that people in the neighborhood tend to sit on the floor when at home, below window level and thus shielded from bullets.

    With its potty-mouthed little men a far cry from the white-bread players of most baseball movies, Hardball manages to be entertaining despite falling into clichéd melodrama in its final moments. It's then, as Conor gives an overplayed, cornily inspirational speech, that you realize how unobtrusive the usually bumbling Reeves has been to this point. As he proved in The Devil's Advocate and The Matrix, Reeves is best in roles that don't demand a lot of emotion. For most of Hardball, his troubled gambler expresses himself with no more fanfare than a slightly raised voice and occasional pacing, and the point is sufficiently made. But when the script goes all Sweet November on him at the end, Reeves' affected intensity makes his character's attestations of how deeply coaching the team has moved him more eye-rolling than uplifting.

      

    Two Can Play That Game proposes that dating is as much of a game as baseball, though someone's usually kept in the dark about how to play. Shanté (Vivica A. Fox) is the ultimate Rules girl, dispensing relationship wisdom to her lovesick friends while confident that she has her perfect boyfriend, Keith (Morris Chestnut), firmly in check. When she catches him out with another woman — worse yet, while she's with her friends — Shanté executes a 10-day plan to exact revenge and tighten the reins.

    Her strategies include not only not placing but also never returning phone calls, initiating faux breakups, and making herself night-on-the-town beautiful before dropping off a box of Keith's stuff, leaving only after ensuring that he's turned on. Outrageous? Not really, but the whole approach does seem a little absurd given that Shanté is torturing the man with whom she expects to stay.

    Writer and first-time director Mark Brown constructs the movie like a self-help video, with Shanté regularly addressing the camera as she gives examples of bad relationships and then tries step by step to salvage her own. Though such a precious gimmick could easily become tiresome, Fox manages to keep Shanté's confident alpha-female persona from appearing preachy, and her to-the-audience asides reveal a playful side that the always-cool Shanté seldom shows in her interaction with others.

    Brown, who explored dating from a male perspective in his screenplay for 1997's How to Be a Player, proves in Two Can Play That Game that he knows what women want, too: Shanté and her girlfriends dish about men's bad habits (checking out other women), pitiful excuses ("Perfume? I was hugging my mother!"), and redeeming qualities (knowing how to "take care of the business" trumps a set of bad teeth). Brown keeps the film from being an estrogenfest, however, by giving equal time to Keith and his ever-scheming friend Tony (Anthony Anderson). The scenes in which the two pals try to analyze and outguess Shanté's every move are the movie's funniest, with Anderson charmingly dominating each conversation as an overthinking advice-giver ("She offered to get the check? That means you can't do nothing for her, man, not even pay for dinner!").

    With its action neatly divided into Day 1 through Day 10 vignettes, Two Can Play That Game speeds along with streamlined, sitcomish economy, never spending too much time on developments that can be easily implied (one sequence shows Keith turning up studlike at Shanté's door and making a little small talk, then cuts to his triumphant, energized walk through the office the next morning). Though the script betrays itself with a when-it-comes-to-love-there-are-no-rules finale, the preceding matchup is at least as engaging as anything on ESPN.

  • O - Summer Catch

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    O  (2001)

    Summer Catch  (2001)

    Leave it to Hollywood to deem a 400-year-old story too controversial for our delicate modern-day sensibilities. O, another Shakespeare-goes-to-high-school retelling, wrapped production soon after the Columbine shootings in 1999, and the subsequent focus on the influence of violence in the media prompted Miramax to put its tail between its legs and the movie on the shelf. Then, Miramax head Harvey Weinstein, a prominent supporter of the Democratic party, was allegedly hesitant to release the movie during the Gore-Lieberman campaign the following year. As a result, O was given seven release dates. But now that its film is safely opening during the end-of-summer dearth, Miramax can rest assured that O will have little impact on the few who bother to see it.

    Now, I know that the world's a crazy place. I also know that violence among students even younger than high school age has become frighteningly prevalent in recent years, with rage erupting over issues as complex as alienation and as simple as wearing the wrong shoes. But from its opening scene — a flutter of doves accompanied by a voice-over by Hugo (Josh Hartnett) claiming that he's always wanted to fly, even though he knows "you're not supposed to be jealous of anything" — to its deadly final act, this version of Othello doesn't make much sense, even in its contemporary kids-with-guns setting.

    Hugo's puzzling assertion that jealousy is unnatural is an ironic introduction to a very angry young man: The son of his high school's basketball coach (Martin Sheen), Hugo must contend with his father's devotion to the team's superstar, Odin (Mekhi Phifer), whom Dad openly admits to loving like his own son. Odin, the school's only black student, is dating the dean's daughter, Desi (Julia Stiles), who in turn is desired by Hugo's misfit friend Roger (Elden Henson). To exact revenge on Odin for being so admired (assisting Roger hardly seems even a secondary motivation after the initial I'll-help-you-get-her conversation), Hugo attempts to persuade Odin that Desi is a two-timin' hussy who'll give his grandma's scarf to the first prettyboy who makes eyes at her. After too few whispered conversations between Hugo and Odin — "They call you nigger, man!"; cue tear — murderous rage follows.

    Yet the gravitas and elaborate schemes of Shakespeare's drama don't quite translate to a teenage realm — at least not in this shoddily constructed 90-minute version. Odin's relationship with Desi isn't sufficiently built up to show us that they're a hot-and-heavy couple whose love was worthy of homicide; the one scene that's meant to reveal the depth of their feelings — Odin's proposal of a "pretend" marriage, complete with a rubber-band-like ring — serves only to reinforce the notion that these are kids at play whose idea of treachery is along the lines of not wearing school colors to a game.

    At least one sequence was clearly reworked between the film's various release dates. Early reports of the movie noted Odin's graphic rape of Desi; in the current version, nothing more than a minute or so of rough sex ensues after a tender and clearly consensual beginning. Perhaps also left on the cutting-room floor were scenes hinting that Odin was anything but a nice kid: Soon after Hugo starts buzzing in his ear, our first abrupt clue that Odin isn't a stable Mabel comes during a slam-dunk competition, in which he shatters the backboard in dramatic slo-mo, continues to attack it until it's completely destroyed, and runs off the court to the boos of his stunned classmates. Who knew that Desi's stilted conversation and bad dance moves could provoke such a dramatic gesture?

    Such clunky exposition gives O the feel of a slapped-together after-school special. Though scripter Brad Kaaya does a credible job of staying true to the plot details of Shakespeare's play, including the crucial planting of the scarf, the lack of character development ensures each actor's ineffectual flatness: Phifer is adept at both Jekyll and Hyde, but there's little chance for him to express his turning emotions; Hartnett's pout serves one-note Hugo well, but he's too often lurking in the wings for us to understand why he's so troubled; and Stiles — who proved that she can handle Shakespeare in Michael Almereyda's Hamlet last year — is given little more to do than coo at Odin and defend him to her cartoonishly scornful roommate (Rain Phoenix, whose permanently dour expression suggests true homicidal tendencies). And while the rest of the cast sleepwalk in time with the film's plodding pace, Sheen puts more misguided energy into his crazed, ever-shouting, tantrum-throwing Coach Goulding than you'll see in an entire season of The West Wing: When Hugo doesn't immediately leave his father's office after a talk, Goulding shoves everything off his desk with a maniacal swipe — and maintains that unnecessary level of intensity in most of his scenes.

    Unlike Almereyda's Hamlet, which moved its story to modern times while keeping Shakespeare's Elizabethan diction, O has its players communicate in what's supposed to be all-American teenspeak but which ends up often sounding more anachronistic than the "thou"s and "fie"s of the Bard: An oversprinkling of "yo"s and "bro"s along with a post-shooting mention of keeping in touch on a "cellular" make the 20-something actors sound like parents using their kids' slang, and lines such as "My father's a smart man, but he's never actually been through anything" and "I know you grew up in the 'hood and have seen your share of hustlers, but I know white girls" make the characters sound just plain stupid.

    Director Tim Blake Nelson plays it straight when he shouldn't — in the first half of the film, when a few of the scenes could have used a little stylish gimmickry — and gets fancy when it's too late, using grainy images, dramatic stills, and an operatic score in an attempt to complement the drama that's not quite there. The bloodshed isn't all that bloody and is accompanied by concerns about getting to the game on time, and worries about the murders that just took place go no deeper than "He's going to tell on me!" All of which makes O feel a little pointless: Wouldn't teens this vacuous have been satisfied with egging a couple houses and forgetting about the ho?

     

    Perhaps Sheen's unintentionally funny coach could have added some spark to Summer Catch, a lighter yet equally insufferable take on promising athletes and their bucketfuls of emotions. Nothing against Brian Dennehy, mind you, who gives the film's most respectable performance as the clichéd fatherly but hard-assed leader of a Cape Cod baseball team, but a little bug-eyed craziness would have been a welcome distraction from the allegedly traumatic nonevents of his players' lives and their emotionless, televised-golf-boring games.

    Freddie Prinze Jr. is Ryan Dunne, a blue-collar local boy with a one-scene accent who makes good by playing for the distinguished Chatham A's, a summer team that preps college kids for the big leagues. Allusions are made to his troubles as a ballplayer — he's a hothead? has a chip on his shoulder? thinks the world owes him since Mom died? — but the movie shows only evidence to the contrary, leaving viewers to wonder just what in the hell everyone's talking about when they're doubting his chances for success.

    Ryan sleeps on the ball field the night before the first practice to ensure that he shows up on time; still mows lawns for a living with his drunken, you'll-never-make-it father; and offers nothing but yes-sir/no-sirs to his coach and the other man he's hellbent on impressing: Rand Parrish (Bruce Davison), father of Tenley (Jessica Biel), whom Ryan thinks is ever so dreamy. Because Tenley comes from a family whose members wear pastel-colored sweaters around their shoulders and employ the Dunne duo to manicure their lawns (Davison, previously in Crazy/Beautiful, is getting good at these stuffy, stay-away-from-my-daughter roles), securing her love soon becomes Ryan's primary major-league aspiration.

    Summer Catch blatantly channels Bull Durham in several bits that should add nuance but are simply played for laughs: There's the ballplayer wearing women's underwear, there's poetry as foreplay, there's the local whore and Mrs. Robinson-like initiator of new talent (in an unfunny subplot which exists only to give Wilmer Valderrama, forever Fez, something to do). And, supposedly centering the movie, there's the wild talent who needs to learn discipline to make it to the Show. Prinze's warm Bambi eyes and chiseled face are aces when it comes to filling up the screen with a fuzzy luv glow, but troubled he's not. (Nor is he funny. Matthew Lillard, playing Ryan's best bud, is the only consistent laugh throughout the movie, and his frat-boy mannerisms are wisely limited to small doses to keep him from becoming grating.)

    Biel is as likable as a rich girl named Tenley can be, even as she stretches the limits of sympathy when she whines "I just wanted to do nothing for the summer!" in a Daddy-controls-my-life huff that somehow has something to do with whom she's dating. Once she's given the task of spouting every reach-for-success axiom in the book to encourage the self-doubting Ryan, however, her WB roots start to show. (To be fair, it'd take quite an actress to take the retch out of lines such as "You have to allow yourself to succeed" and "Let yourself be great tomorrow!") And she does manage to pull off Summer Catch's most amusing line: a triumphantly perky "Let's be together!" at film's end.

    Speaking of the end, Summer Catch's touchy-feely closing will frustrate even those who just want to see a romantic comedy — and will be absolute torture for anyone who's looking for a sports movie. There might not be crying in baseball, but the fairy dust that's sprinkled on this jock-in-love story suggests that these guys are more Oprah than O's.

  • Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

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    Kevin Smith doesn't do cute and cuddly. So the opening scene of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back at first feels wrong: two moppish toddlers sitting stroller-by-stroller outside the Quick Stop while their moms run inside. When one of the mothers, all '70s hair and jangly jewelry, is approached by a stranger about the wisdom of leaving her child alone, she unleashes a string of expletives in a who-does-he-think-he-is tirade to her puzzled-looking son. Soon the boy is climbing over to the other kid's stroller, practicing his new favorite word: "***. ***. ***, ***, ***." Flash forward 20-odd years to the film's titular deadbeats, hanging outside the same Quick Stop and still amused by the same word, rapping it into an intro to the Time's "Jungle Love."

    Cue argument about the best band of the '80s, and be reassured that Smith has returned to form. Described prettily by Smith as "just me blowing myself for 90 minutes," Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is indeed a self-referential homage to everything Smith: his favorite actors, his favorite films, and, lest we forget, his previous movies. After being banned from the Quick Stop by Randal and Dante (Jeff Anderson and Brian O'Halloran; see Clerks), Jay (Jason Mewes) and Silent Bob (Smith) trek to Hollywood to stop the production of Bluntman and Chronic, a film about the comic-book characters modeled on the duo (see Chasing Amy).

    Amid the quickly tiring barrage of cocksucking and fart jokes, the number of pop-culture references the pair are exposed to along the way is dizzying, and not always reverential: Miramax, the producer of the fictional Bluntman and Chronic and the real-life distributor of Clerks, Chasing Amy, and this film, gamely takes a few hits ("After they made She's All That, everything went to hell"), as does the sometimes-unfortunate filmic pairing of easy targets Ben Affleck and Matt Damon (don't see Dogma). Pretty much everyone who was anyone in Smith's earlier films shows up here, in addition to a couple of self-mocking directors (Wes Craven and Gus Van Sant, who's too busy counting a wad of cash to care that the set of Good Will Hunting II is in chaos), a forgotten hero ("Look! It's Mark Hamill!" pops up onscreen when his costumed ***-Knocker character appears), and some teen-dream newcomers (on the set of Bluntman and Chronic, an exasperated James Van Der Beek tells a clueless Jason Biggs, "You wouldn't last a day on the Creek").

    With the jokes coming fast and furious throughout, many of them miss, but you'll probably be too busy trying to digest the previous reference to notice. You might not have quite as good a time watching Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back as Smith obviously had making it, but when was the last time you could laugh at the product of someone else's fellatious fun?


  • The Princess Diaries

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    Despite its misfit-turned-princess premise, The Princess Diaries isn't just another babe-behind-the-glasses movie. Fifteen-year-old Mia (Anne Hathaway), who lives in a funky San Francisco apartment with her artist mom (Caroline Goodall), is a believable candidate for a fairy-tale ugly-duckling transformation. Her problem isn't nerdiness, exactly -- though her mound of frizzy hair and not-yet-grown-into features are unlike those of her classmates and therefore seen as unattractive. And she doesn't lack for brains or a sense of humor, either. What plagues Mia is the curse of invisibility: Teachers don't remember her name, people sit on her, and that cute boy with the sun streaks in his hair, well, he just about runs her over on the way to class.

    Pleasant and funny around adults and her best nerd friend, Lilly (stock weird girl Heather Matarazzo of Welcome to the Dollhouse), Mia nonetheless makes herself sick with anxiety when she has to speak in front of a group and prefers not to call any attention to herself during the school day. Then her absentee father dies, and her grandmother (Julie Andrews, in her first Disney feature since Mary Poppins) lets her in on a family secret: Her dad was the crown prince of Genovia, and Mia is next in line for the throne. She's horrified at the thought of being thrust into a spotlight -- and Queen Grandma is equally appalled at her sloppy American mannerisms -- but they set out to polish Mia into a presentable royal in time for an upcoming state dinner, at which the teenager will have to announce whether she's going to accept sovereignty.

    At two hours, the movie is a little long for a kids' flick, but Andrews' glowing presence and Hathaway's letter-perfect performance as the cool, pretty girl who hasn't yet discovered that she's either make the few nonessential scenes (such as an out-of-the-blue seductive dance number between the queen and her bodyguard) and the occasionally groan-inducing dialogue ("I just consider myself royally flushed," says a rejected paramour) forgivable.


 

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