minjoe Blog by minjoe

Pissed Off Irishmen...

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The Boondock Saints II (2009)

During my simple college days, I remember being intrigued by the college posters that people choose to paste up on every square inch of their dorm rooms. Undoubtedly, amidst the scores of topless or semi-nude women, most men will have their "Fight Club" poster, and those 'in the know' will also have a "Boondock Saints" poster.

Might as well read: "Badass" or "I get laid a lot."

The original Boondock Saints film hit the stands in 1999 and slowly became worthy of mention when referencing 'cult classics.' The film follows the McManus brothers who, after a run in with some mobsters, decide its God's will for them to slaughter every two-bit criminal in the greater Boston area. They are pursued by FBI agent Paul Smecker, who is played delightfully over-the-top by the always solid, Willem Dafoe. The film is slapstick, intense, funny, and engaging in a way you come to expect from the B-movie genre.

"Please violently destroy everyone you encounter for their sins."

-God

The sequel, 'All Saints Day', catches up with McManus brothers in Ireland, where they are peacefully shepherding with their father (and badass assasin), Poppa M (Billy Connolly). However, a Priest is murdered in Boston using the Saints classic style, and the boys decide its time to head back to the states to find out who shot the Priest, and why they 'called-out' the McManus brothers.

Our matching attire, comically over-sized guns, and can-do attitude are no match for our opponents!

The boys meet a new side-kick on the boat ride to America (replacing Rocco from the first film) named Romeo (who is possibly one of the most offensive Latino stereotypes to hit the big screen in quite some time). As predicted, when the boys arrive in Boston they begin an all-out war and realize that their enemies may be more numerous than expected. To make matters worse, their former friend & ally, Agent Paul Smecker, is no longer with the world of the living, and has been replaced by Special Agent Eunice Bloom (Julie Benz). Eunice is hot in pursuit, but whether she ends up friend or foe is for you to discover when you see the film.

Artists rendering of the McManus Brothers at work...

Unfortunately, I can safely say the sequel doesn't even come close to living up to the original. Julie Benz, while certainly trying hard to be quirky and strange (like Dafoe's character), is simply in over her head and never really wins you over. The first film really played up the religious overtones in the work they were doing, where as this film--at many times--glossed over that very important motivator. The racial overtones of this film (as well as blatant homophobia) is turned way up from the last movie and tends to make even the most immune person think, 'are you serious right now?' Finally, Director Troy Duffy so desperately wants to be Quentin Tarantino that you can sense it in every single scene. The choppy editing and non-linear storyline comes off like Tarantino-lite, and takes away from the story in a huge way.

Pictured:

Quentin Tarantino displaying the number of active restraining orders he has against Troy Duffy

Now, for you fans out there--like myself--don't get too scared by my honest assesment. There were numerous parts throughout the film where the toughness and brutality of the first shone through. Furthermore, the brothers are once again expertly portrayed and their back-and-forth dialouge continues to be top-notch, in terms of timing. You will find yourself in many of the scenes rooting for them to destroy everyting in sight--and they won't disappoint. Finally, the film ends in a very open-ended fashion that might as well scream: "WE WILL MAKE ANOTHER FILM IF YOU GIVE US THE MONEY TO DO SO!"

Do you hear that studio executives!? We are ready for more!

In the end, "Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day" never came close to the original product in terms of quality and story. Many fans were hoping that the second round would be a big-budget studio movie with a story, cast, and marketing budget to match. Instead, we got a watered down rehashing of the first film that was over-the-top in all the wrong ways, and fell short in many others. The die hard fans will appreciate the brutality, but fans & non-fans alike will wonder if this was really the best they could do.

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Posted Tuesday, November 24, 2009 1:36 PM by minjoe | with 0 comments

Tweener Porn

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Twilight: New Moon (2009)

Imagine, if you will, a film in which Miley Cyrus and several Miley 'clones' spend a good 40 minutes of the film prancing around in the tiniest bikinis you can imagine. Continue to let your imagination run wild as you picture epic love triangles, and quadrangles, developing between Miley & clones, as well as some brooding male characters. Now imagine every man in this country losing their mind over the sexiness of this, wearing 'Team Miley' shirts, and running to theatres in such droves that the movie opens up #1 at the box office and shatters records across the board.

Obviously, you'd think every man in America was a sick, perverted son of a bitch and feminists everywhere would be shouting from their soap boxes that, once again, we have proof that men are pigs.

If this is 'hot' than you are a sick s.o.b.

Luckily for women everywhere, the same rules do not apply to their sick, sexual fascinations with our nations youth. I sat through a screening of "Twilight: New Moon" in which every time Taylor Lautner appeared on screen, women who were old enough to have really gotten full enjoyment out of the 80's, were making sounds that can only be described as 'orgasmic.' Bare in mind, this kid may be ripped as high hell, but these women wouldn't even be able to take him to see a Rated-R movie.

Way too much of this going on in the theatre...ugh.

Putting my obvious confusion and disgust aside, I got ready to watch "Twilight: New Moon." About 15 minutes into the movie, I realized that I wouldn't so much be watching the movie, as I'd be enduring the film. Kristen Stewart is back as love-struck Bella who is deeply in lust with Robert Pattison, who once again takes on the part of Edward Cullen. However, the honeymoon ends quickly when a Cullen hosted birthday party almost turns deadly for Bella. Thus, like any white knight would do, Edward decides he is going to leave Bella forever so that he never again puts her at risk. Ummmm, ok...

It seems to me like a bottle of this could've saved Bella, and the Cullens, a lot of trouble...

Ugh.

With Edward gone, Bella falls into one of the most laughable, angsty depression montages I have ever seen committed to film. Furthermore, she discovers that when she does dangerous things, Edward will appear to warn her. Thus, like any normal girl--she becomes an adrenaline junkie. Now, everyones favorite jail bait, Taylor Lautner (playing Native American, Jacob Black) steps in to try and move in on Bella. What foillows is a lot of angsty, awkward, teen romance that finally (thank goodness) comes to an end when Jacob also leaves Bella high and dry when he discovers he is a werewolf.

Pictured: Jacob Black

Ugh.

Finally, one of the Cullen's come back to find Bella, explain to her that Edward thinks she is dead and is therefore going to kill himself (A classic Romeo & Juliet moment, which would have been more original if they hadn't spent 10 minutes foreshadowing it in the beginning of the film--ugh). Apparently, vampire suicide is achieved by going to the Quileutes (Dakota Fanning and company...I'm not joking) in Rome and requesting death. These old and powerful vampires hold Edwards fate in their hands and its up to Bella to save the day in what proves to be the shortest, most rushed, international trip of all-time.

One of the most powerful vampires in the world...ugh.

Well, that pretty much sums up the atrocious, laughable, and downright pathetic plot of the film, so lets move on to some analysis. First of all, its difficult to comment on acting when the only emotions/actions displayed are: Brooding, angst, and confusion. Kristen Stewart mentions in every damn interview she gives about how her parents used to work backstage in 'the industry,' and the more I see her act, the more I think she should be behind the camera as well. Its obvious that Pattinson peaked with his portrayl of Cedric Diggery in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Finally, Lautner is unremarkable and has an incredibly difficult time trying to act angry (which seems to be a recurring problem in Hollywood these days).

Taylor Lautner displaying his "I'm so pissed & angry face"--ugh.

Perhaps the biggest problem I have with this movie, is the message it is sending the women who see it. As far as I can tell, Bella has the worst taste in men imagineable. She has chosen, in less than a year, two men who frankly admit in this film that it takes great restraint on their part not to kill her. Furthermore, both promise to be there for her through anything, and everything, only to leave her high & dry shortly after the promises are made. If movies like this appeal to women worldwide, I'm suddenly much more aware of why so many of my lady friends pick the worst possible men they can find...

By Twlight standards, this man would be considered "a real catch"--ugh.

I could go on an on discussing a plot which revolves around love, and yet features a group of people who seem to hate each other and have absolutely no opportunity of ever spending a happy life with one another. I could also talk about how, as a "True Blood" fan, its difficult to watch movies about Vampires that are so weak, incompetent, and unimpressive. I feel as though any of the characters on "True Blood" would dispatch the entire Cullen family, the werewolves, and anyone else they chose in a matter of seconds. All the while, Bella would be at home crying about how miserable her life has become...

My life is soooooo shitty--let me bitch some more

(Also pictured: 1 0f 3 emotions Kristen can pull off)--ugh.

I'm sure if you've read the books and enjoyed the first movie you'll love New Moon (Which, by the way, should be "Full Moon," shouldn't it? I mean, it is dealing with werewolves). However, lets be frank--this movie is succeeding because the two male leads have been deemed 'sex icons' by the female masses of the world who could care less that the plot, and story, are riddled with problems. Maybe the books are perfect, and the movies just aren't doing the source material justice--could be--but I'm not going to run to Barnes & Noble to find out.

Not the first time women have made something awful into an international sensation...ugh.

Women will say we men are no different, but we are. If we are going to see a movie because of a hot chick it better at least have explosions, violence, sex, and CGI. Last I checked, the Megan Fox film "Jennifers Body" got trounced at the box office despite being about a Bi-sexual, hot girl in various states of sexy attire or undress. I love you ladies all very much, and many of you have at least conceded to me that I am right in thinking the films only perk are the brooding boys. Thus, when we go nuts for a Hannah Montana movie, you can give us crap--until then, have fun with the Twilight series!

You're Welcome.

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Posted Tuesday, November 24, 2009 1:33 PM by minjoe | with 0 comments

The End is Near (Again)...

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2012 (2009)

It was many moons ago when they came for us out of the blue. Their giant spaceships rained down from the Heavens and we finally had an answer to the question of whether or not we were alone. However, we quickly learned that these otherworldly visitors were no friends of mankind. In what has been verified as the greatest aerial battle in the history of mankind--we turned back our alien oppressors on Independence Day.

How experts missed this danger is beyond me...

Then, years later, we were told that the world we knew, the planet we take for granted like a dime-store hooker, was not going to take our bullshit anymore. In what historians are calling the "Day After Tomorrow" (two days from now) event; the citizenry of much of the world had to evade frost as though it were an advancing predator. Scientists were ignored, hippies disregarded, and the common people paid the price for our ignorance. We will never again forget what a bitch mother nature can really be...

A pleasant spring day in downtown Manhattan

If only we were not so blind, we would have seen that the 'hurricane frost' and 'Anti-American Aliens' were only the tip of the iceberg. You see, everyone with the internet knows that the real problem we are ignoring is the oncoming end of the world on December 21st, 2012. When the Mayan calendar completes it cycle--so do we. (Copyright, Movies with Minjoe.)

This guy totally saw it all coming

'2012,' represents director Roland Emmerich's third attempt at destroying the planet. Looking beyond the obvious 'mom issues' that lead him to make these apocalyptic films, is...difficult. As per usual, he assembles a large cast of talented actors and then completely wastes them by forcing them to utter the most trivial, worthless dialouge you can imagine. Long gone is the wittiness and timing of "Independence Day" only to be replaced by cheesiness and ridiculousness galore. Each scene that has good emotion, or depth, is quickly preempted by another horrific death or disaster--gee, thanks Roland...

"Ok, CUT! This is boring--lets just move on to his decapitation via solar flare."

-R. Emmerich

The film follows several groups of people, including scientists working for the government, politicians, conspiracy theorists (Woody Harrelson is again top notch playing a white trash character), and, of course, The Curtis Family (John Cusack, Amanda Peet, and two kids no one cares about). The family is your typical American household with mom & dad divorced, new dad at home with mom, kids caught in the middle, and everyone coming off as slightly upset and pissy at all times.

Mommy is banging someone else now--deal with it.

To be perfectly honest, giving you the cast list and who is doing what is a complete waste of your time and mine. This movie has absolutely zero to do with the characters. The actors in this film could be removed from the final-cut and you might not notice all that much of a difference. You can feel Emmerich trying to build emotion, concern, and empathy within the audience--but the steady chorus of giggles throughout the film proved that he completely failed in his endeavor. Make no mistake, this movie is about the CGI. Period.

"Congrats to Roland Emmerich on making a film almost as ridiculous as the drivel I continue to churn out."

-Michael Bay

Films that come out these days seem to be an effort to take CGI to the next level--at the expense of strong character work. '2012' was never destined to be an Oscar winner, but it could have been an interesting sociological study as to how mankind reacts to the end of days. Instead, it made such important philosophical questions background noise to the incredible visuals. The scenes in this movie are visually stunning and I'm amazed by how far CGI has come in the last several years. However, using such amazing work to show someone driving a car through a falling skyscraper, or pilot a plane in the middle of a caldera eruption, doesn't exactly strike me as the best use of the technology.

More focus on this (In full IMAX HD) Less focus on CGI = Win.

In the end, I really don't have a lot to say about 2012 because my expectations were minuscule and the film pretty much lived up to what I thought it would be. I could go on about the strange absence of religious & societal ramifications that were ignored, the terrible science, plot points that made no sense, and 'serious' moments that had me laughing to the point of tears--but what would be the point? If you go see this movie, you'll be wasting 2 hours and 4o minutes of your time...I don't wish to add to that total.

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Posted Saturday, November 14, 2009 3:54 PM by minjoe | with 0 comments

Welcome to Hell (Or Mars)

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The Box (2009)

"Hell is other people." -'No Exit' By: Jean-Paul Sartre

When I discovered that "The Box" was simply an elongated take on a "Twilight Zone" episode, which was, in turn, based on a short story entitled "Button, button," I wondered how many different ideas would be thrown around in this film. Anytime something that starts so small gets beefed up over the years and worked on by so many different hands, you can't help but worry that the final product will be convoluted and overly complicated due to taking on the various incarnations of the work. My fears were only heightened when I learned that the film was written and directed by Richard Kelly (of Donnie Darko fame).

The film was based on an SNL skit starring Justin Timberlake

Citation: N/A

The film opens with text (an internal NSA memo) which explains that Arlington Steward (Frank Langella), who was a lightning-strike victim declared dead, has re-awoken and begun distributing a device related to the "Mars project." Its pretty bad when, 10 seconds into a movie, I am already chuckling and looking around the theatre, wondering if anyone else is as entertained by this top-secret memo as I am. Nothing like having to setup the back story of your movie with an internal memo which borderlines the ludicrous.

"To whom it may concern: A zombie version of Richard Nixon is currently in the suburban area distributing a device related to our current work on Mars. Also, someone forgot to refill the water cooler when they depleted its contents this morning--please be more courteous."

Smooches, Anonymous

The action starts with Arthur & Norma Lewis (James Marsden & Cameron Diaz, respectively) being awoken a 5:45AM to the sound of their own doorbell. They discover a package has been left on their doorstep and, upon closer inspection realize that it contains...a button! It also contains a letter saying that will be visited by Mr. Steward at 5pm. Upon his visit, he explains that if they push the button, they will receive a million dollars--but someone they don't know, will die.

Never mind the warning signs--pushing it is a totally acceptable choice.

At this point, it becomes incredibly difficult to go into the remaining plot of the film without giving away spoilers left and right. Suffice to say, I'm pretty sure you and I both know it would be a very boring movie if theydidn't press the button. However, the fallout of their decision takes up the majority of the film. Steward warns them that, 'their are always consequences for your decisions' and that he has 'many employees' looking into their lives. Basically, the guy sees you, hears you, and is taking stock of everything you are doing at any given moment.

Seriously...don't press the button.

At this point, you're probably wondering what the deal is with this 'button delivery-man' and how does he have the power to do all of these things. Well, the movie wants you to think hard about that--but never wants you to feel comfortable enough to make a decision. The religious overtones in this film are loud. The button is pressed by three different people throughout the film--all of whom, are women (Eve going for the forbidden fruit?). We also learn that the button is much more than a money-making vs. good conscious scheme, but rather a device for judging the goodness of all mankind.

...It's not like there is a famous book which foreshadows what could happen should we choose to press the button...

However, this is a movie written by the Donnie Darko scribe--so you can't expect any alegories to be that straightforward. For every moment of religious clarity, we are grounded by the fact that Langella's character is only putting forward this challenge to NASA employees (The film takes place in 1976 when Viking has just landed on Mars), and that our sudden presence on The Red Planet is the real reason this is happening. Just when you think it might be the judgement of God--you suddenly feel like, perhaps, its simply the judgement of our intergalactic neighbors who are suddenly concerned about our landing in their backyard.

Earthlings are violent & violate our property rights

The films final whirlwind touches on issues of faith, morality, the afterlife, Purgatory, Hell, Heaven, the weaknesses of mankind, etc. Its tough to ever wrap your head around one issue because another pops up seconds later to confuse and baffle you in completely different ways. Overall, the film flows well for the first half--and even manages to build some suspense, despite you having a pretty good idea of how some of the more important events will unfold. However, the congregation of so many issues that are, on their own, often too difficult to comprehend make the last portion of the film mind-numbing and, ultimately, disappointing.

Wait...hold on...I totally have this...just give me one more minute...*tear*

"The Box" ends up being a case-study in how a simple, effective story can be ruined when its stretched out too far, and takes on too many sub-plots & ideas. I commend them for making a sci-fi/horror/suspense film that doesn't follow the typical rules--but they would have benefited from some a simpler plot.

Overall, low-expectations would probably be your best ally should you go to see this movie.

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Posted Monday, November 09, 2009 4:19 PM by minjoe | with 0 comments

Jedi vs. Sith (In Iraq...)

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The Men Who Stare at Goats (2009)

The first scene of "Men Who Stare At Goats" features a Brigidier General, with pained concentration on his face, attempting to run through a wall--and failing.

Unfortunately, the remaining 90 minutes of film will often make you feel like the idiot trying to run through a wall.

"Wtf is the point of this movie?" -Everyone

The movie follows the journey of Bob Wilton (Ewan McGregor), an Ann Arbor based writer who happens to stumble upon a secret government program for training psychic-soldiers. His journey takes him to Kuwait, where he runs into Lyn Cassady (George Clooney) who is supposedly the best of the best within the "U.S. Army First Earth Battalion." Cassady informs Wilton that he is a Jedi-warrior and sets up the rest of the film as being an odd satire of war, the military, and who the hell knows what else.

These colors don't run you terrorist bitches.

Obi-Wan joins Batman on his trip into Iraq for what is promised to be a 'top-secret' mission. As the plot unfolds you realize the trip wasn't all that top secret, or special, or relevant. The saving graces are the flashbacks that show the forming of the jedi-warrior program by Bill Django (Jeff Bridges). You get glimpses of the "The Dude" in Bridges performance and can't help but laugh every time he is on screen...even if the scenes he is in are still not all that well executed as a whole.

"This Sith aggression can not stand, man..."

If Obi-Wan, Batman, and The Dude are our heroes, Larry Hooper (Kevin Spacey) is clearly the villian. He was one of the jedi recruits who didn't quite pan out in comparison to the incredible (read: Not that impressive) powers of Lyn Cassady. Thus, he works to destroy the program form within, expel the current leadership, and take over as leader. The last 30 minutes of the movie is our heroes coming together once more to challenge his evil reign and bring him down for good. Luckily, they choose the most ridiculous, unnecessary way to accomplish this task.

Pictured:

Emperor Palpatine

If things sound confusing so far, thats because this movie has absolutely no idea what point its trying to make (if any). At some times it seems as though its going to be a satire of war propaganda, profiteering, and Cold-War tactics. At other times, it seems like its actually spoofing the military as a whole--which, as we continue the fights in Iraq & Afghanistan seems...ballsy? The script has almost no flow, and really (and emphasize REALLY) falls apart toward the end and devolves into the most pointless conclusion you can possibly imagine. Oh, and it should also be noted that the movie spends every moment making fun of the idea that psychic-warriors are the 'real deal' only to have the last shot of the film make you think that--yes--this is possible. Thanks for that writers--no really, way to think it through...idiots.

How the writers feel about your intellect.

The cast is star-studded and do some great work salvaging a number of scenes and keeping the movie watchable. Despite having Clooney and McGregor as the main stars, the film is stolen by the performances of Bridges & Spacey. Unfortunately, the lack of characters you empathize with, or even care about, makes every scene pretty forgettable. I got out of the movie 20 minutes ago and am already struggling to remember any memorable moments. Perhaps the only witty scene (unintentionally) was Lyn explaining that he was a jedi warrior to Wilton (Obi-Wan) only to have Wilton look at him blankly, and request an in-depth explanation of what a Jedi was. The entire audience chuckled through the extent of that scene...for obviously unintentional reasons.

Get it!? He IS a Jedi!? OMG LOL!!!!111oneone

I was really hoping for more from this movie, but it looks like it was thrown together (By first time director, Grant Heslov) in a real hurry. Obviously, they felt the strength of the cast, and the individual performances, could mask the shotty writing, and poor directorial execution--but they were sorely mistaken.

If you want to see Jeff Bridges loaded up on mind-bending drugs, just go rent the far superior Big Lebowski and call it a day. "Men Who Stare At Goats" may do well at the box-office on the strength of the cast--but it certainly won't be due to quality of film.

Nominee: Best Pointless Satire

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Posted Friday, November 06, 2009 3:11 PM by minjoe | with 0 comments

M.J.'s Last Dance

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This is It (2009)

Let me be clear: When Michael Jackson passed away, I was not one of the people who suddenly decided to forget about the last 15 years of his life, and focus only on glorifying his once proud career. I found that sudden outpouring of sympathy and support for M.J. to be both hollow, and strange. A man who was a piñata for the press over the last decade (or more) was suddenly being treated like a saint who taught us all how to love music.

"Please father, send us a King of Pop, to compliment my work..."

When "This Is It" hit theatres, I was--shockingly enough--not exactly thrilled at the prospect. Sure, I enjoy Michael Jacksons music, and there is certainly no denying his status as a musical legend. However, its difficult for me to go all the way back to that time--while ignoring his more recent struggles.

Allegedly Michael Jacksons last vehicle.

All that craziness aside, "This Is It" turned out to be a pretty damn good movie. The film follows the rehearsals that were leading up to M.J.'s big, final tour in London. Apparently, the footage of the film was being captured for Michaels private collection upon the completion of the tour. Thus, you're never really seeing all the pieces put together, which is frustrating, and yet strangely intriguing and engaging. The more you watch the film, the more you find yourself wishing you could have seen the puzzle in its completed form.

Pictured:

Michael during rehearsal.

Makes you wish you could've seen what he would have looked like in full costume and makeup--*sigh*

All of the classics are on display in this film. Smooth Criminal, Billie Jean, and Thriller are all numbers that--no surprise--leave you on the edge of your seat. Michael may look sickly skinny through the whole film, but you can't deny that he still had an incredible singing voice and a constant dance flow that clearly even impressed the 20-somethings in his dance crew. In every song he moves with an effortless flow that leaves you wondering how a 50 year old man can so casually perform the steps he is pulling off.

...Still denying the laws of physics at age 50...

Perhaps the best part of the movie is when he begins to perform his Jackson 5 set. In those moments, you really see past the man that has been ridiculed for so long, and instead see the young boy who just loved to sing. He smiles and bounces around stage like he was singing these songs only yesterday. To conclude, he says he'll bless his family before the final dramatic crescendo of the song. Perhaps more than anything, these few minutes of film give us a better look into the man behind the music.

Remember when...?

The movie also catalouges the thoughts and feelings of the various dancers, musicians, and technicians about Michael Jackson and his legacy. Some parts can drag a bit (I can only watch so many male dancers crying to open up a movie), and some songs fall a bit flat (Just wait 'til you hear the jam which I shall dub "An Ode to Nature."), but in the end, the film is a triumph in that it clearly set out to make you remember Michael as what he wanted to be most: A man who wanted to touch peoples lives through his music.

He will also be remembered for doing some type of 'shuffle' on this orbiting rock...

Near the end of the film, Michael Jackson tells the cast & crew of his upcoming show: "Lets give people something they've never seen before." In "This Is It" you get the feeling that it would have been a truly momentous event which aimed to combine live music with (3-D) film, pyrotechnics, and showmanship that would have been completely unrivaled.

We may never get a chance to see the completed puzzle, but you'll certainly have a good time putting together the pieces they give you to work with.

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Posted Wednesday, November 04, 2009 3:03 PM by minjoe | with 0 comments

Amelia Hits Turbulence

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Amelia (2009)

I've always found that motion-picture biographies are one of the most difficult types of films to be done correctly. Elaborating on the history of someone who walked this world as a titan of their time, is an incredibly difficult task to achieve in under two and a half hours. You also have to deal with screenwriters who have a tendency to over-sensationalize, or simply change history, simply to make the story more exciting.

Pure Poppycock: The Jon Minjoe Story (Starring Rick Moranis)

Coming this Spring

I found myself somewhat shocked when heaps of negative reviews began pouring in for Amelia. The trailers alone might as well have been lovely images of a plane flying while the text reads: We really, really want some Oscar nominations for this film. In general, bio-pics tend to always play that angle--but this one, more than others, seemed to be longing for recognition--and with the cast it had assembled, you can see why they thought they had something special.

"WANT."

-Amelia Production Team

Amelia stars the usually powerful Hillary Swank in the title role. Admittedly, you couldn't have cast the part any better. I've always admired Hillary Swanks willingness to take on more masculine, androgynous roles. Amelia Earhart, who was often compared to Charles Lindbergh because of their likeness, was certainly 'one of the boys' as the movie occasionally attempts to argue.

Pictured:

The perfect person for your movie...if Hillary Swank is unavailable.

The film follows the start, and progression, of Amelia Earharts flying career, as well as her love, and marriage, to George Putnam (Richard Gere). The chemistry between Gere & Swank is questionable, though some of that may simply be the age difference between the two. As per usual, both actors put in a solid performance...though, that isn't quite enough to compensate for the material they are given to work with.

Amelia's leading man is this guys grandfather...I think...

I remember seeing "Public Enemies" earlier this year, and wondering how a two and a half hour bio-pic could contain less than five minutes of actual character development. Amelia, unfortunately, falls into the same trap. While there are beautiful visuals of planes, landscapes, and time-period specific scenes--there is almost no in-depth dissection of one of the most famous women in American history. Beyond that, the film can't seem to decide whether she was a pawn of men, one of the men, an early feminist, or the first female celebrity in American history. Now, some movies like to leave such things open ended to let you decide--but its painfully obvious that it was left open-ended in this film because the writers had no clue.

The Amelia Earhart of our generation? I'm so confused...

(and yes...this picture is an excuse to have Megan Fox on the page--you're welcome.)

Other problems with the movie include, but are not limited to, a rather strange pacing. The movie begins, and comes back to, her final, fateful flight--but then goes through all of it again, in the last 20 minutes which seems odd--and painfully repetitive. Also, and this has been harped on by numerous reviews, but in one scene a character seems to call into question the sexual preferences of Ms. Earhart. Now, if you want to explore her sexuality, thats fine, but to bring it up in one scene for no reason and no support--thats unnecessary and comes off as incredibly weak.

Bi-curious? Eh...never mind...

Despite a star-studded cast desperately struggling to churn out quality from script which simply won't allow it, Amelia never seems to take off. Beautiful visuals are wasted by a script which fails to ever allow this iconic woman to truly steal the spotlight. Watching this movie, you may question how Amelia Earhart captured the hearts & minds of people around the country. A woman like Amelia Earhart deserved much better than this--but knowing Hollywood, they'll probably give it another shot somewhere down the line...

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Posted Monday, November 02, 2009 9:59 PM by minjoe | with 0 comments

Saw VI = Exactly What You'd Expect

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Saw VI (2009)

Every now and then, a movie comes along which transcends the medium of cinema and becomes a catalyst for change in the world. In these trying times, one may say we've been waiting for just such a movie to come along.

A catalyst for shepherds everywhere.

Saw VI is, in fairness to the film, a huge improvement over the previous few installments. Saw II-V were pretty much exercises in torture-porn confusion. The writers were hoping like hell that the audience wouldn't remember what happened earlier in the film, or in earlier installments, so that they could bend & twist the plot to meet their selfish demands. In this sense, one can understand why people ridicule these movies and particularly the sick minds behind the madness.

Author: Mein Kampf & Saw II-V

In Saw VI, a number of loose ends are tied up as we continue to watch the series evolve after the death of Jigsaw. Having just dispatched Luke Danes (Of the Gilmore Girls) in the previous installment, Detective Hoffman has cemented himself as the heir apparent, to the Jigsaw 'games.'

I should have stayed with Lorelai & Rory instead of pursuing this psychopathic prick.

Jigsaws widow, who was left a mysterious box by her late husband in Saw V, reveals to Detective Hoffman that the contents are the last 'game' Jigsaw wishes to play. Thus, the table is set and, at intervals throughout the movie, we learn more and more about why those chosen for this last game were so deserving of their punishment.

One of the poor souls trying to survive Jigsaws game (Contra--without codes, on NES)

Those involved in the 'game' all have a connection to the 'main' focus of the horror--a wealthy insurance company executive. We find out, via flashbacks, that this son of a bitch was dastardly enough to deny coverage to Jigsaw on the basis that he had incurable cancer that was inoperable. Needless to say, Jigsaw was not having this, and thus ensnared this man, as well as other insurance company workers and family, into a scheme to show this guy that you can't just go around telling people 'no' without fearing for your life.

"You said my co-pay would be WHAT!? No way."

In previous installments of this franchise people were killed for often random, or downright stupid, reasons. Thus, the idea that Jigsaw wanted to put the big insurance companies in their place for their willingness to 'choose who lives and who dies' is actually poetic by comparison to the idiocy of the previous films. We also get treated to possibly the funniest scene in Saw movie history when Jigsaw goes toe-to-toe with the head of the insurance company (and in many ways, America) when he lambastes the 'system' for keeping those who need it, uninsured. In other words, Jigsaw made it quite clear that he has Obama's back on national health care reform.

Pictured: Barack Obama at a private screening of Saw VI

So, long story short, Saw VI was about exactly what you would expect it to be. Fans of the series will undoubtedly appreciate the horrific deaths and torture scenes (including, but not limited to, a very fat man damn near gutting himself to 'win' a game) while those who frown in the general direction of Saw related films will voice their disdain at the ridiculous and convoluted plot. Both fans and opposition alike will probably agree that this film, like the others, is rather forgettable.

The typical 'kill-scene' in a Saw movie.

It should also be noted that, as per usual, the movie ends with a flurry of activity and shocking twists and turns...that you will undoubtedly forget about before you see Saw VII next year...yay.

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Posted Monday, November 02, 2009 9:56 PM by minjoe | with 0 comments

Paranormal ACtivity is Fantastic Horror

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Film Name Production Year

Paranormal Activity (2009)

I am a horror movie aficionado.

Any horror movie fan has a moment when he, or she, comes to the following realizations:

99% of horror films are remarkably un-scary.
The remaining 1% are only scary for about 3 minutes of the actual film.
If you judge horror films on the same scale as you would judge a regular movie, they would almost all receive zero stars, two thumbs down, etc.
If the film your watching takes place from the year 2000 onward, someone will probably be tortured.
You don't get "The Shining" but you tell everyone you know that you understand the deeper meaning. (I totally do...)

Despite what her eyes may want you to think...this is not scary.

I won't sit here and lie to you and say that I had any idea what Paranormal Activity was until the hype that has surrounded it ensured that every living soul would have the opportunity to enjoy being scared shit-less by this movie. However, the life of an unemployed Michigander (what a stereotype...) allows me the time to take in the occasional matinée, so I figured I'd check it out.

Paranormal Activity was filmed for a budget of only slightly more than my typical unemployment check. Thus, its not entirely surprising to find that the entire action of the film is captured on one camera by the protagonists of the film. People love comparing this to the Blair Witch Project, but people who do that are also stupid, because other than the low budget these films have nothing in common.

Same eyes as above--still not scary...or even entertaining.

The film, which was written & directed by soon to be very famous, Oren Peli owes its success to keeping things very simple. The action, or lack thereof centers around Katie, who has had strange visions & hauntings since she was young, and Micah her boyfriend who decides to purchase a video camera (which extinguished the entire production costs of this movie) to try and capture her experiences on tape.

Our Heroes.

The film takes its time getting started, and after about 25 minutes you may be questioning what all the hype is about. All of the night-time moments take place in the bedroom, where the tri-pod saddled camera ominously looks over the endangered duo. During the day, they examine what the camera has found and await another night of terror. Sure, they bring in a psychic who says they're being haunted by a demon, and yes, other story arcs come and go--but make no mistake, the important moments of this movie happen when the lights turn off and our characters go to bed.

I hope you enjoy this screen...because you'll be seeing it for the next 90 minutes.

Imagine for a moment, you wake up and find your loved one staring at you--pretty creepy right? Now imagine having that same person hovering over you, while possessed by a demon, for well over 3 hours in the middle of the night. The films scary moments start with a simple moving of a door, or flicking of a switch, but the last 30 minutes of the film have some of the most terrifying moments I've ever seen committed to film and the final cresendo left several people in the audience I was at sobbing (no exaggeration). You feel it coming, you get a sense for what may happen, and then you are still completely blindsided when the events unfold.

"I stood in that very spot watching you for three hours...that is the measure of my love for you."

Now I've already had people who have questioned the horror in this film, claiming they saw it and didn't find it to be that scary. Either these people are simply trying to prove a point, or that have more courage and fearlessness than Chuck Norris. Paranormal Activity is not without its faults--it can drag, and the daytime scenes tend to lack suspense since you know damn well they're safe until night falls.

"I was unimpressed by the level of horror in Paranormal Activity." -C.N.

However, if you are fan of quality horror movies (particularly those of the low-budget variety) you will find that Paranormal Activity is the best that has come around in years. It seems to understand the basic fact that 'things that go bump in the night' are far scarier than watching some idiot tweener get tortured for 20 minutes.

Oh...and enjoy trying to get some good sleep after you see it...

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Posted Monday, November 02, 2009 9:35 PM by minjoe | with 0 comments

A Whole Lot of Nothing

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Film Name Production Year

Public Enemies (2009)

I don't think I was alone in waiting, and wanting, to see Public Enemies. With a cast being led by king of the eccentric-loner, Johnny Depp and the always deep and intricate Christian Bale--it wasn't wrong to hope for a lot...

Unfortunately, this film failed to live up to even a small portion of its overall potential.

Several things struck me in all the wrong ways as the film progressed. First of all, I realize that Michael Mann prefers a hands on, gritty, and 'in-the-action' approach to filmmaking. However, the sheer nature of this film demanded a more assertive and epic approach. When John Dillinger first walks into a bank we see him and his cronies from behind, as though we are one of them--but I found myself wanting to be in front, seeing these titans of crime ascending the stairs into their 'workplace.'

Perhaps the most unsettling thing about this movie is that it runs incredibly long, without ever having much to say. The lack of character development is both brutal, and obvious. Christian Bale was criminally under-utilized and Marion Cotillard was given only fleeting moments to shine. After 2 hours of film I would expect to have a great understanding of the various characters, their motives, their passions, the depth of their beings. Instead, I found myself thinking that the only thing I was discovering was that Michael Mann finds John Dillinger to be very cool...

In short--for a film featuring some of the best acting talent on the planet, and focusing on one of America's most interesting periods, Public Enemies comes up short.

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Posted Friday, July 31, 2009 6:19 PM by minjoe | with 0 comments

Solid Horror...

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Film Name Production Year

Hostel (2006)

The Strangers (2008)

From the first preview I saw for The Strangers, I was excited to see this movie. It appeared to be a return to a simple, desperation, terror around every corner, sort of horror flick.

The movie did not dissapoint.

The Strangers revolves around a couple who've gone to a secluded house for what was supposed to a be a romantic get away. As the two start to sort through their relationship issues, they receive an unexpected visitor...at 4 in the morning.

From that very first knock on the door I, and everyone else in the theatre, was on the edge of their seat anticipating what was coming next. The very few lines that were spoken by the aggressors were absolutely terrifying. As the film unfolds, we find that the young couple are being stalked like wild game by three masked aggressors who seemingly have no intent to let them leave alive--as well as know motive for any of their actions.

The thing that is incredibly disturbing about this film is that the actions of the three masked captors is never explained and their faces are never seen. The movie doesn't scare you through grotesque shots of piles of gore and blood but rather by silent shots of our two stars being watched, followed, and taunted.

This film should be a lesson to all those who love horror--you don't need a film with over the top gore and torture (Hostel...) to be frightening.

The Strangers is a great horror flick and is, hopefully, the start of more quality horror films to come.

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Posted Sunday, June 01, 2008 11:52 PM by minjoe | with 0 comments

Lets be honest...

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Iron Man (2008)

...movie trailers are, without a doubt, the best part about going to a movie. So the questions becomes, at least for this particular film, will the actual movie live up the splendor that is the trailer?

Let me first be perfectly honest: The top superhero trailer, in my opinion, goes to "The Dark Knight" not Iron Man. This movie looks to be a great action movie with a lot of amazing special effects and what seems to be a spot-on performance by Robert Downey Jr. Though I enjoy the Dark Knight trailer more for giving me more of a storyline to go on--I believe the Iron Man trailer is one of the best in a long time.

The trailer has a lot of great things going for it. First off, Robert Downey Jr. is perfect as Tony Stark (or so it would seem). His mix of sarcasm, wit, and power make me very excited to see this film. Furthermore, the choice of music in the trailer is top notch and every rock & roll fan out there should be jacked to see a movie thats trailer features such hits as Iron Man (obviously), Back in Black, and so forth.

Simply put, this trailer makes me very, very excited to see this film--I can't wait....

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Posted Thursday, April 17, 2008 1:44 AM by minjoe | with 3 comments

I'm an Expert.

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Speed (1994)

Street Kings (2008)

When it comes to the Film Speed, I would be willing to say, with confidence, that I am the worlds foremost expert on this flick. You see, I moved out of a house when I was in 4th grade and had to spend an entire summer living with my grandparents and family in a little tiny house while our new home was being built. Almost everyone of my posessions was packed away, execpt for one glorious movie that made my summer one to remember.

To be honest, I'd say I've seen this movie well over 100 times. I am not exaggerating. That summer, I lived in one of the most boring neighborhoods in the world and all I would do was watch this movie--often several times a day. What kept me coming back to this film time and time again? A few things...

First off, I am more than willing to admit that my first "Hollywood crush" was Sandra Bullock and it was because of this movie. She is sassy, in-control, and absolutely rockin' hot in this movie (or at least I thought so when I was like 11). Furthermore, Jeff Daniels puts in a solid supporting role performance as he so often does. Then we move on to more key roles..

Keanu Reeves....I don't know if you're like me--but I hate this man. I hate him so much that I can't stop loving everything he is in. I don't know what it is about him. He says lines so poorly that full theatres are brought out of their seats with laughter (Street Kings anyone?) and yet I find him intriguing in every role I see him in. In this movie, he plays his usual semi-lost self and I found it entertaining. But what really made the movie for me was Dennis Hopper.

Dennis Hopper is perfect in this movie. I don't even know what else to say. As a child I recited some of his more memorable lines over and over again throughout the day and managed to develop one hell of a spot-on impression for a 4th grader. Dennis is great as the psychotic, ex-cop who wants to stop people who prevent his bombs from "becoming explosions" (ok, so the dialouge is a little cliche--deal with it...).

As much as I personally love this film--I don't expect everyone to jump on board. It is full of your usual cop cliches, Keanu Reeves is, as usual, completely uncomfortable looking with what he is doing, and the entire premise is a little--well--stupid.

However, if you're looking for moments that defy logic--and physics for that matter--as well as some unintentionally funny dialouge--check out Speed at once!

Posted Wednesday, April 16, 2008 10:08 PM by minjoe | with 0 comments

I love it.

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Adventures in Babysitting (1987)

Rent (2005)

Let me come right out and say it: I am a 23 year old man who owns this movie on DVD and I am not afraid to say it. Some may call this movie a "guilty pleasure" film--I however, prefer to call it a damn fine movie.

Adventures in Babysitting is a roller-coaster ride from start to finish and the more ridiculous and campy it gets, the better the movie becomes. What is amazing about this movie is that, despite the rather zany storylines, nothing ever becomes so overly convoluted that you can no longer take the film seriously. Adventures in Babysitting walks a fine line that screams, "we didn't take ourselves to seriously" while also clearly stating "we still think we made one hell of a movie."

Elisabeth Shue is fantastic as "Chris Parker" the babysitter who gets herself into a night she is not soon to forget. Also, who couldn't love the craziness of a young Anthony Rapp playing Brads best friend. Oh yeah, thats right, the lead from the movie & play RENT plays an obnoxious, crazy teenager in this movie and he is perfect.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly--you can never go wrong with a movie in which a teenage babysitter shoves a knife in a gangsters face and delivers the line, "Don't F@$& with the babysitter."

Absolutely priceless.

Posted Wednesday, April 16, 2008 8:37 PM by minjoe | with 0 comments

Great Performance

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Psycho (1960)

P2 (2007)

When I rented P2 I wasn't expecting anything more than the usual gruesome horror that we have come to expect these days. It seems almost impossible to find a decent movie in this genre anymore. Therefore, I was particularly suprised that P2 turned out to be such a good film.

As a whole, the film brings nothing necessarily new to the genre of horror films, but it does expand upon and perfect what we have come to expect from these types of movies. The feeling of being trapped, working against a superior foe, running scared for your life, and facing increasingly insurmountable odds all come into play in P2. Each and every scene is crafted to keep the audience yelling at the screen in a desperate plea to help the young damsel in distress played by Rachel Nichols.

However, what makes this movie more than just an average flick is the powerful and haunting performance delivered by Wes Bently. He captured the depth and mental instability of a man who's loneliness masks a deeper psychotic problem. In each and every scene he delivers his dialouge in a manner that will remind you of a certain cross-dressing murderer from a little film called Psycho. He had sharp wit, cool yet menacing dialouge, and outright rage from time to time and each different "character mode" he delivered in a big way.

Definitely a film that suprised me and would certainly reccomend it!

Posted Friday, April 11, 2008 12:16 AM by minjoe | with 1 comments

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