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laraemeadows Blog

  • Did you know there is only one letter difference between boxing and boring?

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    Resurrecting the Champ tells the tale of a boxer gone homeless and the reporter telling the story to the world.  Did you know there is only one letter difference between boxing and boring?

    Dull writer Erik (Josh Hartnett) accidently finds Champ (Samuel L. Jackson) when he is being beaten up by some young men in an alley.  Erick’s marriage is falling apart, he lies to his son about his friend and can’t write an article with heart to save his live.

    Director Rod Lurie couldn’t make a movie with heart either.  I spent the majority of this movie trying to find one reason to care for any of the characters.  Erick, the writer, couldn’t be more uninteresting if he were a rice cake.  He has the personality and haircut of a wet mop.  His story is as engaging as grandpa’s story about his ten year battle with bunions.  Champ isn’t any more captivating than Erik.  He is a boxer who’s soul fire burned as brightly as his as a blown out candle.  His story was as pedestrian as a person in a cross walk.

    Lurie and writers Michael Bortman and Allison Burnett should be ashamed of the film they created.  I am a firm believer that one should stay to the end of a movie because often the end is redemptive of the movie but I could barely keep myself in my seat during the movie.  I was squirming, rustling, and literally hitting myself in the face with my pen to keep myself awake.  I chugged the coffee I had brought in hopes of keeping myself awake.  I thought about swimming in a sea of espresso naked with paper cuts all over my body, in hopes it would keep me from slumber.  I had the guy sitting next to me, who was a stranger, pinching me through the movie to keep me awake.  I would have been jumping up and down, trying to keep myself awake, if it would not have been rude.  More than once I considered suicide as an option, but I then decided to go for the healthier option, homicide.   I chewed off every single fingernail.  Mind aching doldrums would have been more interesting.  I actually feared snoring and humiliating myself through the movie.  Would it be cheating on my husband if I slept with an entire theater of people?

    Josh Hartnett has no personality in Resurrecting the Champ, and in fact may be the personality vacuum where other personalities get sucked in, never to be seen again.  He couldn’t have been more trite, less interesting, and more forgettable.  If Hartnett doesn’t find a way to rely less on his beauty to get him through, he’ll never be anything other than the contents of a nice photograph.

    I am most disappointed with Jackson.  He has proven time and again that he is a great actor who takes any and all roles that come along.  He continues to align himself with those features that could kill his career because he decides on quantity over quality.  He isn’t even good in this movie.   He had a terrible script to work with but he still didn’t seem to make the character his own.  He is cliché and boring.

    Jackson’s prosthetics were terrible.  Allan A Apone, the makeup artist for Jackson should be banned for ever from doing movie makeup.  The prosthetics and makeup were a different color than Jackson’s face so you could tell where they start and end.  He looks like he put his face in a giant vat of Elmer’s Glue, stood up, swirled it around a bit and let it set.  What a horrible excuse for a face.

    Miss this movie; miss it and thank me.  You don’t want to have your soul sucked or get bruises on your forehead.


  • King of Kong-Fist Full of Quarters

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    King of Kong-Fist Full of Quarters is the good vs. evil tale of the world champions of Donkey Kong: Billy Mitchell and Steve Wiebe.   These characters couldn’t have been made up better and if they were fictional, if this weren’t a documentary, the film would be unbelievable.

    In 1982, Life Magazine did a story on the world’s best video gamers at the time.  In that picture was Billy Mitchell, the champion of Centipede, Donkey Kong, and Donkey Kong Jr.  It was the beginning of Billy’s rise to fame.  After a scandal rocked the video game world, Walter Day decided he would start Twin Galaxies, the official score keepers for video games.  It also became headquarters for the Billy Mitchell Cult.  The employees, even Day himself, worship Billy Mitchell with a frightening reverence.  Their reverence for Billy makes them absolutely unable to verify a score when newbie Steve Wiebe shatters his record.

    I admit, at the beginning of this movie I was rolling my eyes at why anyone would care at all about these characters?  Who cares about Donkey Kong anymore, right?  As the movie progressed, I couldn’t keep my eyes off the screen.  The characters were staggering.  The stuff that was coming out of Billy Mitchell’s mouth was incredible.  You couldn’t have written a story with more bizarre one-liners, more rivalry, and more depth of character than King of Kong.

    One description kept coming to mind whenever I saw Billy Mitchell: douche-nozzle.  He has long black hair that is perfectly manicured.  He has no hair out of place.  His shirts are always crisp, his ties always American themed.  His full beard is never straggly.  No one loved Billy Mitchell as much as Billy Mitchell loves himself.  He believes that his experiences as a world class gamer have made him an all around better than you person, if he does say so himself.   He said, “I’m the most seasoned person in the hot sauce chicken wing business.”  (His profession is chicken wing sauce.) His wife looks like she inflated her boobs for the occasion.  He is the Charles Manson of the classic video gamer’s world.

    His little minions all agree with him.  Walter Day, the director of Twin Galaxies, goes on at length about Billy’s skills.  He fancies himself a musician and has written songs in honor of Billy.  His frightening sunken eyes, wiry physique, loose hold on reality and disturbing reverence for Billy earns him the title of Creepy Disciple.  Less creepy but far more sheepish is his sidekick Steve Sanders.  After Billy ousted him as a big fat cheating liar in 1982, they became fast friends.  Now Steve plays Robin to Billy’s Batman, following him around like a puppy.   Robert Mruczek is the head referee for Twin Galaxies and is one of those guys on the fringes of society who seem to believe that there really are super heroes and never really had to adapt to the real world.   All of his minions reminded me of the little alien toys in the claw scene of Toy Story.

    Unlike Billy, Steve Wiebe’s only followers are his family and close friends.  He doesn’t have hordes of followers or a side kick.  When he lost his job he just wanted something he could be in control of, so he decided he’d give the record a try.  He didn’t know what he was getting into, and the stress and behavior of the group often leaves him with palpable emotional sequences.  He used Donkey Kong to get through some difficult emotional times.  Steve Wiebe is a little strange, with quirks and oddities that make him weird but not a weirdo.

    The director, Seth Gordon, does a remarkable job of humanizing both sides of this epic battle and building tension while not taking the subject too seriously.  When Steve is attempting to break Billy’s records there are secret phone calls that are perfectly shot to make them look sinister.  Gordon edited those scenes together to make such an inscrutable feeling.  He starts the movie off light but as it goes on, it builds tension and the audience gets wrapped up in this lopsided competition of David and Goliath.

    I’m no big fan of video games and video gamers.  Generally, I think they’re stupid and am grateful that their awkward nature keeps them from spawning.  That being said, I was drawn completely in by King of Kong- A Fist Full of Quarters.  The characters couldn’t be more unrealistic, surprising, strange and fascinating if they made it up.  If your local theater isn’t showing this movie, call them and request to see it!


  • A mess so big it could be seen from space.

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    The Invasion  (2007)

     

    The Invasion is about an intelligent alien bacteria that modifies the essential nature of humanity without changing its physical nature.  The Invasion attempts to teach us something about our essential nature but instead teaches us about our nature to be suckered into a dull movie.

    A shuttle crash brings with it an alien parasite that enters the human population.  Dr. Carol Benell (Nicole Kidman) is thrown in the middle of the outbreak when her ex-husband, a doctor for the Center for Disease Control, Tucker Kaufman (Jeremy Northam) visits their son, Oliver (Jackson Bond.)  While Oliver is visiting his father, he and Carol get separated and Carol has to try to find him in the middle of the outbreak.  Her and her colleague, Ben Driscoll, (Daniel Craig) set out to find him.   The only way to move through the ever transforming sea of the infected unnoticed is to pretend that you have no emotions.

    The first twenty minutes of the movie is director Oliver Hirschbiegel’s attempt at showing how emotional, individual, and human we all are in our everyday lives.  On her walk to work, Carol is confronted by examples of emotions running wild in the street.  Women are crying, loud conversations come from men shouting into their cell phones and there are obvious acts of love between mother and child.  There are so many acts of emotion that you wonder if they let the mental patients out of the hospital.  It gets nauseatingly obvious that Hirschbiegel is trying to make a point, he might as well have used giant red pen.

    As The Invasion progresses, you can identify those poor saps who have contracted alienococcus by the deadpan looks on their faces.  Their inability to exhibit basic human emotion is obviously supposed to be frightening.   Not a single actor in the movie, except Jeremy Northam, can muster the stone faced, emotional façade to make the rigid roboticism feel realistic or petrifying.   The majority of The Invasion has at least one person attempting stoicism and their acting disabilities left the movie infirmed, debilitated and crying out for cinematic medical attention!  Nicole Kidman left me looking for a paramedic.

    Kidman’s ability to be imperturbable could be measured in centimeters.   She nearly mastered the stiff body movements but couldn’t ever quite relax enough in her face to pass as an emotional vacuum.  Kidman couldn’t quite get the hot-blooded, impassioned, tender, or touching perfected either.  Her performance was a well rounded mess.  She is supposed to have complex feelings for Ben but there is no affect entanglement or fruition.

    Ben, played by Daniel Craig, didn’t impress either.   The script and the direction were obviously attempting to build an Olympic sized pool, I had my bathing suit and towel, and Craig can’t muster the emotional depth of a tide pool.   There is even a shamefully awkward kissing scene that made me avert my eyes and gnash my teeth.

    Another thing that nearly made me crack my teeth was the CSI knock off, super close-up blood scenes.  Want to see how autoalienitis affects a normal human body and see crappy graphics and animations? Director Oliver Hirschbiegel will provide you with enough atrocious reenactments and demonstrations that you’ll never need to watch another alien autopsy.  Thank goodness the movie isn’t all blood work.

    The camera work in The Invasion is the most haunting and resonating individual component of the movie.  Generally speaking, the transformed characters are shot at a lower anger with slightly darker lighting.   It may be standard horror movie faire but cinematographer Rainer Klausmann made classic chiller cinematography feel fresh and freshness was something desperately needed in The Invasion.

    The point of the movie is obvious but not poignant.   Even though there is a beginning, a middle and an end, it feels like the plot is missing a meaty component that you can sink your teeth into or to leave a lasting taste in your mouth.  None of the characters feel finished, the relationships don’t feel genuine and the plot feels hollow.

    While there are times that The Invasion is fun, with action that can captivate for a couple minutes at a time, that’s pretty much all it has to offer.  The Invasion won’t make any ten best or worst lists.  It will earn the obscurity this mediocre execution deserves.


 

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