Karina on SpoutBlog

Oh, the drama! Whilst a gossip blog of questionable repute allegedly has airtight evidence that maverick filmmaker Madonna has hired Paul MacCartney’s divorce attorney to sever her ties to Guy Ritchie, at the same time rumors are spreading that the soon-to-be 50 pop star is reteaming with director Alex Keshishian to make a follow-up to his 1991 tour doc Truth or Dare (known overseas as In Bed With Madonna).

I don’t know whether or not the two stories are related, and it’s probably best if we assume that both just aren’t true, but for the sake of argument: please, please, let Madonna make a (probably doomed, but noble!) attempt to recapture her floridly, gloriously shallow Truth or Dare era glory days by once again leaving a movie-making husband and forcing a no-name filmmaker to shape her everyday life into mall-grade Fellini!

Truth or Dare was the ultimate vanity project, and it worked perfectly, because it gave everybody the Madonna they wanted: an ego with no intention of landing. I mean, just look at the clip from the original film, embedded above––wouldn’t it be amazing to see Madonna drop the English accent and the pretenses at socio-political relevance, and just go back to rolling around in bed with a bunch of gay boys like the Pilates-streamlined heir to Mae West that we all know she really is?

And the clip below––the original film’s sad-time montage, set to “Promise to Try,” where Madonna takes a huge stretch limo and dons a cross almost the size of the car to visit her mother’s grave, so that her (maybe even real!) sadness can be woven in with shots of her sing-praying on stage and receiving the love that she can no longer get from her mother 20,000 fold from a stadium crowd. This is, by far, the “deepest” that film goes towards making any sort of commentary on Who Madonna Really Is, and it’s patently fake in the best way possible, the way all pop star movies should be. Please, Madonna, please Madonna, please: bring back the superficial! It’s your only hope!