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  • Jenifer (2005)

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    Released: November 18, 2005
    Director: Dario Argento
    *****
    In order for Jenifer to work, every character has to throw logic and rationality out the window.  Detective Spivey (Steven Weber, who also wrote the teleplay) has to be altruistic and good by looking past the deformity of the girl he rescues.  His wife and son have to be relative wimps when it comes to Jenifer staying at their house.  And every single cop Spivey works with must turn a blind eye to one of their own taking in the girl.

    Really, aside from Jenifer's gruesome visage, the only real horror aspects of this Masters of Horror title are the isolated scenes of Jenifer...dining.  And the implication she can somehow give the world's best blowjob.  Of that second idea I am still in doubt.  But I shall digress.  One other scary thing in the movie: wife Ruby's inhumanity toward Jenifer upon their first meeting, based solely on her looks.  The word "freak" comes up more often than not.

    It's a fascinating premise which tends to be hamstrung by trying to fit into the anthology series.  A profound story could have been molded out of an unconventional looking woman somehow gaining power over every man she has sex with.  A society and its reliance on acceptable beauty; the places the mind goes when we don't know what's going on; the ability to love every person regardless of their outer beauty.  It is a tried and true plot, sure, but the horror could have been introduced a la burning torches like Frankenstein

    But back to the movie.  There's not much to it and not many layers to peel back once we get past the obvious ideas of beauty and "goodness."  One thing to mention, though, is the look of Jenifer.  With her obscenely huge black eyes and deformed mouth with spiked teeth, there's something almost sympathetic about her.  And actress Carrie Fleming (who is quite beautiful in real life) does the best job with very few of the conventional tools.  She barely speaks and can't use her own eyes to express emotion.  It can't save the film which, like most of the others in the series, just doesn't chill the audience like it should.


  • Dead Poets Society (1989)

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    Released: June 9, 1989
    Director: Peter Weir
    *****
    The movie which launched at least two catchphrases into the national zeitgeist ("O Captain, My Captain" and "Carpe Diem") at times plays like a sappy Lifetime movie, utilizing obvious camera shots and just plain missing other necessary shots...but it still comes off as one hell of a movie nearly 20 years after it's first release.

    John Keating (Robin Williams) is a poetry teacher at a private and very conservative prep school.  His students range from rebel Charlie Dalton to classic geek Steven Meeks to all around good guy Neil Perry and his new, quiet roommate, Todd Anderson.  The more Keating challenges them to open their minds, the more a select group of students takes what he says to heart.  Neil has a longing to disobey his father; Todd comes out of his shell; Knox Overstreet confronts his feelings for a girl...and more.  His unconventional teaching style comes under fire, predictably, leading to a defiant and ultimately satisfying conclusion.

    1989 must have been the year for low key films at the Oscars.  This movie, Born on the Fourth of July, Driving Miss Daisy, Field of Dreams and My Left Foot competed for the top prize (it ultimately went to Daisy).  What is unique about this film is the acting talent involved.  Aside from Williams-who was nominated for an Oscar-Robert Sean Leonard, Ethan Hawke, Josh Charles, Norman Llyod, Kurtwood Smith and a very young Lara Flynn Boyle all turn in performances so nuanced you forget these kids are just that: basically kids.

    Dead Poets Society has turned into a mini-cult film, most likely, for one reason: the ability of the audience to identify with every single character.  Who hasn't ever rebelled against a parent figure or tried to do the right thing by everybody...been scared of being the new guy or had the weight of the world on their shoulders?  Despite a rushed conclusion in which too many leaps of logic are taken to hang Keating, this is an underrated gem.  For those who haven't seen it, the film isn't flashy or preachy, even.  There is a wholesome moral, but it never gets shoved down our throats.  It creeps upon us little by little until, at the very end, we want to take the same actions the students do.


  • 1408 (2007)

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    1408  (2007)

    Room 1408 at the Dolphin Hotel is a spooky room. A great number of people have died by various means in this room; most, though, jump out the window. It´s gotten so bad that hotel manager Olin (Samuel L. Jackson) forbids anyone from staying in it. The room gets cleaned once a month by Olin and two housekeepers with the door wide open; repair men are loathe to enter it. And against that backdrop, the author of haunted hotel books (John Cusack) checks in for one night, to see exactly what´s going on.

    There should be a sub-genre within the horror category simply titled "man vs. room." Why? There are many films which pit people against their supposedly safe surroundings, asking them to survive through whatever means necessary. Just this year, we´ve had "Vacancy," "Bug" and "1408," all concerned with the characters limited environment. But where this film knocks the others out of the park is the sheer audaciousness with which is goes about its business.

    This isn´t a movie in which the ghoolies and ghosties (to borrow a phrase) are out to teach Mike Enslin (Cusack) not to live in the past where his daughter died. And no one is asking Enslin to set them free from their decades long imprisonment. Yes, the former generic storyline is present, but "1408" is more than a simple morality tale: it´s a survival tale and a damn good one at that.

    Why is that when a whole host of other "man vs. room" films have come up woefully short (the remake of "Psycho" being one such example)? It´s because at every turn Enslin does the things we expect a normal human being to do. He has a healthy skepticism before checking into the Dolphin; he assumes the general manager is behind the odd occurrences. Enslin even goes to great lengths to get himself out of the room using the tools at his disposal. His cell phone, the computer and even the outside window ledge. In short, he´s smart, but not so smart as to engender his own skepticism from the audience.

    And that´s the greatest asset of "1408"-it´s ability to be rooted in reality while paranormal activity runs rampant. It´s in no small part due to Cusack´s reputation as the everyman and his un-action hero look. Here, he plays largely against himself in what amounts to a one person stage play. There are bookends which broaden the story just a bit, but by and large, this is Cusack´s film to make or break. He does extraordinarily well, bringing to life a rational, logical and human character. His main title co-star, Jackson, gets 95% less to do in the picture but one scene and one line stands out above all others.

    It´s not an acting moment; it comes near the end of the film after all the broohaha has died down. Olin, sitting in his office with a drink, utters one line to himself about Enslin, seeming to suggest something else is going on in the story. As these types of stories go, that is the last we see of the character, leaving a whole host of story possibilities open to the viewer.

    I´ll admit that the bookends, designed invariably to flesh out the Enslin character, turn out a bit boring. The "scares" (more like jumps or thrills) don´t need to come from the opening shot, but we know what the movie is about and, frankly, we just want to get there. Put Cusack in the room, let him act with all manner of surprises waiting for him. A very minor subplot (and what amounts to a cameo) with Tony Shalhoub doesn´t matter in the long run; neither does Enslin surfing or bopping his head. Despite what that story wants us to believe, we never do buy into the theory he´s imagining the Dolphin. The experience is as real to us as it is to him and, thus, when ex-wife Lily (Mary McCormack) delivers the sucker punch via their internet connection, we start to question everything that has come before. Has the wool been pulled over our eyes too?

    Let´s talk about that internet connection for a minute. We´re supposed to believe the Dolphin and this room in particular is wired for wireless internet. Simple enough as most hotels are in this day and age. But nothing else about this hotel is modern. The shower is free standing, the thermostat looks to be at least twenty years old, the wallpaper is an ugly floral pattern any decorator would tell you to change and the lobby itself retains what should be its old school look. But wireless internet? If you´re going to go through the work of installing that, why not some new digital thermostats? Ah well, it´s a very minor nitpick in the grand scheme of the movie.

    Screenwriters Matt Greenberg ("Halloween H20"), Scott Alexander ("The People vs. Larry Flynt") and Larry Karaszewski ("Agent Cody Banks") work off of a short story by Stephen King which methodically boxes Enslin into the proverbial corner. Every exit is another dead end and when he tries to reach another room via an outdoor ledge early in his stay, the audience can´t help but hold its breath. It´s surely too early in the film for Enslin to find his way out, but dammit, some part of us still hopes he will.

    On the scale of 1 to 10, "1408" rates an impressive 7. This is John Cuack´s movie to make or break. Guess where he ends up?


  • Sick Girl (2006)

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    Released: January 13, 2006
    Director: Lucky McKee
    *****
    Ugh.  There must be a disconnect between Lucky McKee, director of Sick Girl and the general definition of "horror."  Blood does not necessarily imply horror; nor does a preposterous plot about a bug which impregnates people.  Seriously, that's what this movie is about.  Unfortunately, it takes far too long to get to this "surprise" moment and miscasts its lead so hideously, there may be no casting misstep which makes its film this laughable in the last ten years.

    Ida Teeter (the aforementioned miscast Angela Bettis) strikes out with the women while holding a repository of bug information in her head.  Potential girlfriends find her fascination with the creatures...distasteful, shall we say.  So when she asks out the secretive Misty (Erin Brown), Ida is advised by a male coworker not to let her in on the "bug thing."  Eventually, a super bug of sorts gets loose, causing havoc.

    The problem with Bettis and her portrayal of Teeter is simple: she is so stilted and stuffy it's impossible to believe anyone would find her attractive.  She speaks...almost like...William...Shatner...pronouncing some words...with the harshhhest sounDs...she Kan.  It's grating and irritating, not to mention comedic in most respects.  Then there's the requisite horny coworker, who insists on details from Misty and Ida's first night together to give him some images for the shower.  And a subplot involving an older land lady who does not approve of Misty and Ida's relationship.

    Okay, enough.  Sick Girl has one thing going for it: director McKee going out on a limb and portraying lesbians in a horror film and portraying them as sexual beings.  There is the foundation of an argument about the nature of homosexuality between Misty and Lana Beasley (landlady) which is never given the time to develop into anything more.  Out of a sixty minute production, a full fifty are used to build the situation and characters...to such a boring and tired effect we don't care when the "horror" comes at the end.  And even when we know what is happening to Misty around the thirty minute mark, we don't care since the situation is so far out of the realm of possibility.  Horror works best when the action can happen to an every man (or woman).  This has never happened nor will it ever happen to anyone.


  • Deer Woman

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    Released: December 9, 2005
    Director: John Landis
    *****
    Just how low can this "horror" anthology go?  Pretty low, if Deer Woman has anything to say about it.  Put simply, men are being mutilated by someone or something while they are in a state of arousal.  These men are no longer recognizable, with hoof prints implying they were trampled to death by a deer.  Enter a detective (Dwight Faraday, played by Brian Benben) who is on the outs with his force and the only one to believe in a half-woman, half-deer creature terrorizing the area.

    And thus is the laughable story of Deer Woman.  The whole idea behind horror, as far as I understand it, is to make the audience, well, scared.  Show them something benign turning into deadly.  Play on their fears, like dreams or the boogeyman in the dark.  But a seemingly mythical half-woman, half-deer creature that stalks men for some reason we never really understand?  What fear does that play up for the average man?  Being killed because he's horny?

    Maybe I'm too cynical or maybe the stories behind this series just aren't very good.  The characters here are generic, stock people.  The detective with the wacked out theory.  The buddy cop who believes him "just because."  The antagonistic cops.  The exposition character who enters with information just in a nick of time.  Why?  To satisfy all the requirements of the genre.  It's just plain silly, especially the visuals at the end of the film, which serve to destroy whatever horror there was in the first place.


  • The Next Voice You Hear

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    Released:  June 29, 1950
    Director: William A. Wellman
    *****
    It's a fascinating theological premise in The Next Voice You Hear: what if the voice of God told people around the world how he wanted them to live?  If that voice spoke in the appropriate language for each country at the same exact time, would we believe there was a higher being in the universe?  If he made it rain or performed small miracles, what would that prove to the people?

    I dare say if this happened today, the world would come to a standstill, followed by a holy war unlike anything we've seen before.  But on the heels of World War II, with the world a smaller and less hostile place, this singular voice stops everyone in their tracks and makes them reexamine their lives.  For Joe Smith, billed as "an American" in the credits, he slows down his life, keeps his temper in check and remembers to love everyone.  Hokey and cheesy idea, certainly.  But one worth remembering. 

    See, this film isn't as much about the people inhabiting the world as it is about what the audience can do in their own world to live life "God's way."  Yes, it is preachy in a lot of different ways, especially when Joe makes nice with Aunt Ethel and the culmination of the film in the church, but it's a wholesome-type of preachiness, where families are still families without any cares in the world outside of getting to work on time and getting the dishes done.  It's all rather inoffensive and, dare I say it, enlightening. 

    The idea is, anyway.  The actual film and characters don't get much of a workout.  Each camera set up is by the numbers with nothing to stand out to the audience.  On the flip side of that, though, the camera never does call attention to itself.  And the characters are flimsy plot devices, designed to get us from Point A to Point B without much fuss.  They do.  Even the most out of place segments-like the moment directly after the rains begin-is rooted in family and faith.  It's not revolutionary, but maybe it should be.


 

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