So, I just downloaded Taken By Trees' cover of the Guns 'n' Roses song "Sweet Child Of Mine," after hearing it on the trailer for the upcoming remake of the classic horror film "Last House on the Left," which looks utterly odious (I saw it during the trailers preceding the equally odious "The Unborn." Don't ask me why I decided it'd be a good idea to watch this movie...I think it was probably Gary Oldman that did it) Anyway, my ire at the fact that this movie, among others, was being re-made gave me pause. Why is it that movies with a strong following in one generation get remade a couple of generations later into movies that are completely awful? Why is it that the remake of "The Hitcher" not only was a pile of flaming dog poo, but was destined to fail from the very moment the idea of the remake came into being? Why does this seem to be the case with nearly every horror remake since...well...pretty much forever?
After giving it some thought, my thinking is this: the problem with remakes is twofold. The more recent problem that's emerged is the hollywood pop horror machine running out of ideas and, as a result, remaking movies that weren't really worthy of the treatment (BBC film critic and horror film guru Mark Kermode claims this was the case with "Prom Night" and "Mirrors").
The other, more angering problem is this: Most of the audience these remakes are aimed at (such as the loud and undiscerning teens who shared the theater with me during tonight's screening of "The Unborn") have grown up with no clue who Wes Craven is, or that "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" originally came out in the 70s, not in 2003. This is a generation of people who don't know about The Thing or, it seems, the original versions of The Hills Have Eyes and Friday the 13th. The major studios think they can pull the wool over an audience's eyes by showing them warmed-over versions of culturally important movies with all the significance removed.
The fact that these movies are nothing more than vain, empty husks of their original selves stems, I believe from one simple factor: what makes these movies great is the context and the cultural climate in which they were created. Wes Craven's work in the 70s is considered classic not only because it legitimately scared the pants off you, but because it was shocking in a way that few movies were at that time. Last House on the Left (which, supposedly, is itself a take on Bergman's Virgin Spring) was the product of people who had grown up watching the Vietnam war on TV. What audiences were seeing was a wakeup call to a culture that had become desensitzed to violence. Friday the 13th was, in its way, a satiric morality play (Jason's mom, after all, is taking out her revenge because her son drowned while being neglected by horny camp counselors).
None of these remakes work now (nor, I posit, will they ever) because the true meaning of these movies, the spirit in which they were created, has been lost. In an age where movies like the Saw franchise are practically considered the norm, a modern version of Last House on the Left packs no punch. It only has something to say to modern audiences if you consider the original film in its cultural context. The same goes for Friday the 13th. A movie like this has no noticeable place in a culture that's become desensitzed to both violence and sex. It'll only be a cheap thrill unless you consider why the original came to exist in the first place. Not to mention that the script wasn't that great in the first place. The only thing this movie has going for it is its concept, and if that loses its significance, you can kiss the whole thing goodbye.
All this is to say, I wish Hollywood would quit churning out fifty or so of these cheap-ass thrill-a-minute meaningless remakes year after year after year. The people who produce these wastes of perfectly good celluloid aren't considering what it is about these movies that ever appealed to anyone at any point in time. They are considering only the legions of teenagers who are unaware that, many years ago, the forgettable horror flick that has them cowering in their seats was once an important, groundbreaking piece of work. These movies are not a form of preservation, but rather one more patina of tarnish.