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The Haute Critique on Spout

  • Double Feature – Mall Cop Edition

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    Infamous  (2006)

    Capote  (2005)

    Hollywood likes to work in pairs. Baz Luhrman had to cancel his Alexander the Great movie because Oliver Stone beat him to production. A couple of years ago there were two Truman Capote biopics. I’m sure if your search your subconscious, you’ll remember skads more.

    We thought it would be fun to roll the clock back to Q1 of 2009 and watch such a pair. Two movies focusing on mall security guards (or officers?). Paul Blart: Mall Cop and the Seth Rogen starring Observe and Report.

    On the surface, these two movies appear to be completely different… and they are. One starring a network prime-time sitcom star, the other an Apatow first-teamer. The first would seem to be cotton candy, and the second… special brownies. We, of course, start with the brownies.

    Click here to view the embedded video.

    Observe and report is listed as a comedy. It is funny, but not funny ‘ha, ha’. It really isn’t funny ‘huh?’ either. The more I think about it, the less sure I am that it’s funny at all. in fact, I’m starting to wonder if that’s the point. Let me think about ‘the point’ more and get back to you…

    Click here to view the embedded video.

    On to Paul Blart, a kinder gentler film. Paul is a socially awkward man with an intellect much younger than his years. He takes his responsibilities seriously, and even his co-workers give him flak for that. He is still aspiring to be a real gun-toting man of the badge, but can’t quite hack the physical requirements. Based on the movie’s format and ironic soundtrack, viewers can be certain that he will overcome and emerge heroic. I won’t say that doesn’t happen, but I’m not one for spoilers. What does happen are instances of awkward delusions, social interactions that can only be explained with the help of an abnormal psych book and slapstick/fat jokes. Run through the standard filters, it teeters between hokey and jokey. Thumbs up or thumbs down depends on your mood, and possibly your bud. With a refresher halfway, through, it was more than bearable, but not something I’ll be repeating.

    What was more interesting about these two films was not their differences, but their similarities. Both cops are single, living with his mom, no dad, trying (and failing) to get a real law enforcement job, infatuated with a girl in the mall, overly serious about his job and unlucky in love. The similarities go way beyond that. From the opening credits all the way to the slogan painted on Paul Blart’s mall security bunker wall, part of Paul’s mission is to… wait for it…. ‘Observe and Report’. It really seems like both teams used the same research. And that is where things get Haute.

    Paul Blart is a nice guy. Much nicer than Seth Rogen’s Ronnie Barnhardt. But they have so many similarities, how are these films so different? One so light and one so dark. As I noodled on my cotton candy, the movies flipped. I started to feel that maybe Blart was more cruel than O&R. In O&R, the personal and psychological struggles are laid out in a ludicrous, but almost relatable way. I don’t see myself in Barnhardt, not in a long shot. I do, however, see someone. Blart is laid out as the tinseltown polished clown version. Set side by side, you feel that everyone is laughing at the disenfranchised and marginalized, only no one is laughing in O&R. “Oh my GOD. Look at the stupid Mall Cop. He is SO funny.” O&R certainly leads you down tried and true ‘Ha ha… he’s so pathetic’ paths, but just before the punch line, they drop the pedal to the floor and go well past the border. In at least one case (and maybe more than once) this reveals the director’s poor judgement. Other times, the shock can cut right to the core. The more I think of it, maybe the fact that Observe and Report is marketed as a comedy, but is not funny, hints at a heart. I find that hint intriguing. I am still mulling my true feelings, but I enjoy that part of the journey. Many out there have better uses for there free time than rehashing movies in their mind. Hopefully, you know what camp you are in. If you have the hankering for a disturbingly unfunny, but tightly wound movie, roll the fattest one you got and Observe and Report. If you would rather laugh at the misfortunes of a quasi-charming, but sad mall cop, I won’t steer you away from Paul Blart, but you might as well wait until they air it on TBS this Christmas.

    Related posts:

    1. Double Feature – The Rugged Individuals


    Originally posted on:The Haute Critique

  • G.I. Joe – Half a Battle

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    Studios regularly release movies without screening them for critics. Usually these are in the ‘B’ movie category, not their Mega-Hits. When it is a blockbuster, no screening pretty much always means it is a huge steaming pile. This time, however, Hasbro had an explanation. It seems they blame the fact that Transformers was a full load delivered in an adult diaper on the critics. Just to show the critics who’s boss, no advance screenings for G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.

    So, I pack up and head to the multiplex on a Friday morning. A heart full of dread for the horror about to be photon torpedoed into my retina. And honestly, I found it isn’t nearly that bad. But time is a-wastin’, so lets get straight into exactly how bad it is…. That’s what you’re here for, after all.

    G-I-Joe

    Transformers may have been more than met the eye, but G.I. Joe was the Grande Dame of pithy sayings. For the first bit of the movie, it would seem that knowing them was half the screenplay… er, battle. They Kung-Fu grip the Government Issued cliches like real American heroes. Go Joe?!

    gi-joe-cartoon1

    I remember the cartoons through a haze, but a few nuggets stuck. There was the cast of characters that came across like rejects from The Village People. Gung Ho, Roadblock and Rock n’ Roll. Baby blue camo, Epicurean machine gunner and dude with bushy bushy blonde facial hair. The females. Lady Jaye, a little older. Scarlet, the sharp, girl next door type (one friend rubbed all the color off her action figure boobs). And The Baroness, a bit like Natasha from Rocky and Bullwinkle. And last, but not least, Snake Eyes. When little boys gathered to play ‘G.I. Joe’, Snake Eyes was the only Joe everyone wanted to be. All others were second best.

    25th_singlepack_snakeeyes

    Enough memory lane. It’s time for Holly-fuckin’-wood. It’s time to bring the Boom-Boom! And they do. Not nearly to the magnitude of Transformers: ROFL, but once we leave Three Musketeers era France, destruction happens. Not enough to satiate my inner teenage ‘blow shit up’ lust, but enough to let me know it still exists. This restraint seems odd, however, considering how many times I cringed away from onscreen gruesomeness. That incoherence was a theme repeated throughout the film. Bad guys brutally lay waste to every nameless Joe in sight. Disemboweling them without any concern. With the same blade in front of a named character, it becomes the three stooges (and not in a funny way). A poke and a tickle, then move along.

    I don’t want to get fanboy on this whole thing, but I will say, that the whole movie would have been much better if Duke had been decapitated by a helicopter in his first scene. His headless torso would have performed the part nearly as well and would have been much less annoying. In fact, the good guys were mostly forgettable. Other than Marlon Wayans, it was a full crew with very little spark. Snake Eyes was very effective and poised, but more like an olympic gymnast, focusing on not being deducted tenths of points by the judges. Turn the page and his nemesis, Storm Shadow, is completely badass. If I were suddenly 8 years old, I would gladly choose Storm Shadow over Snake Eyes based on this movie. And not just him, The Baroness gets a serious upgrade too. It is almost enough to make me understand the allure of skin tight leather. At least for the first 3/4 of the movie she is Femme Fatale. And she whoops ass too! Head to head, she slaps Scarlet around like they forgot the safe word. Without fancy technology, The Baroness surely would have had a new sub. When The Baroness and Storm Shadow combine, the glee of evil and murder swells. I found myself praying that these two would pair up and put all of those bitches (i.e. pretty much every other person in the film) in their place.

    gijoe-stormshadow-baroness

    Of course that doesn’t happen. The movie is never able to turn the dial past six or seven (except with gross out visuals that will be giving tikes nightmares for years to come). Even with the herbal aides, it just can’t break through to the other side. While it is bad, it isn’t mind blowingly craptacular like Transformers: ROFL, If your goal is to see a mediocre action movie, G.I. Joe will fit the bill, but if you want a transcendentally terrible experience, you still need to go for the gold standard and hit Transformers: ROFL.

    Related posts:

    1. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince


    Originally posted on:The Haute Critique

  • Drag Me to Hell

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    Drag Me to Hell  (2009)

    Drag Me To Hell was AWESOME.

    It was the Three Stooges meeting the Excorcist on a train through Awesometown.

    Sam Raimi has proven with Drag Me To Hell that he could direct Evil Dead 4 without it sucking.

    Hold on.  Let me start at the beginning.

    Earlier in the day, my ladyfriend and I decided to go see Drag Me To Hell.  I had been under the impression that DMtH would be a straight horror movie.  I have a passing familiarity with Sam Raimi’s previous “horror” movies, but not until opening day of DMtH did I see it described as “slapstick horror”, and when I did see this description I started to get excited.  I love… no, *love*… wait, LOVE the Evil Dead movies.  I like horror movies well enough for the most part, but the comedy/action/horror of San Raimi’s older films tickles me deeply.  I was a huge Three Stooges fan as a kid and Raimi manages to recreate that sort of mood mixed with his own gory, mystery goo-splattered flavor packet, and a dash of Dobbsian Discordianism.  Overall, Sam Raimi is one of my favorite directors, I have just now decided.

    The witch's head has been stapled for Zod's sake!

    So, after a quick hufflepuff of the ol’ quiddich pitch, we moseyed up, grabbed our tix from the automated kiosk and made for the gloom of the theater.  What followed was not mind expansion, or sensory satisfaction, but total hilarity.  As things get rolling, It seems like a regular movie, and kind of a cheesy one.  The characters wear their motivations on their sleeves.  It’s like a cartoon really.  The characters don’t have much depth, but they couldn’t be allowed any depth.  Could you enjoy a person’s comedic torture if you had any deep insights into their character?  And they are tortured most exquisitely.  I don’t mean the Eli Roth type of torture porn that has infected the horror genre of late.  I mean old fashioned cartoonish, slapstick violence It’s almost Zennish in it’s purity.

    Alison Lohman is the plucky heroine.  Easy to root for at first, but becoming easy to leave to her comeuppance by the end.  Justin Long overcame the stigma of his Mac ads.  Ted Raimi popped up appropriately.

    The only bad thing about Drag Me to Hell was that it wasn’t Evil Dead 4.  Deep down in my fanboy heart, I kept hoping that in a particularly dire and hopeless moment a chainsaw would come tearing throught the fabric of reality and that Bruce Campbell’s Ash would step out of the portal, utter a pithy line and start stomping demon-ass.  Alas, Bruce Campbell was not to be had.  What was to be had was a movie with the same spirit.  I enjoyed it completely.

    Drag Me to Hell on IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1127180/

    No related posts.


    Originally posted on:The Haute Critique

  • Funny People

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    Funny People  (2009)

    So I’m watching a movie where Adam Sandler is playing a character who is obviously designed to closely resemble Adam Sandler (in fact, much real young Adam Sandler footage is used to backstory the character) *and* I’m at the premiere where the “real” Adam Sandler is in the audience.  Oh, if only I had a blunt.  Ah, well, onward and upward!

    This is a movie about a bunch of comedians of different generations living the life of being a comedian.  Three roomates: one is the sudden star of a lame sitcom;  another is starting to get gigs at “The” Improv;  the third, well, he has a “real” job at the food court.  At first glance, this is a form of situational comedy about stand-up comedy and comedians.  But that’s really just its cover,  a lame-sitcom excuse for them to tell a different story.  A completely different story about an aging comedian who (spoiler alert) discovers that he is dying from a rare form of leukemia and has suddenly to come to terms with his mortality and with his failed and dysfunctional life choices; to learn the true meaning of friendship and family and Christmas, and to become a better person.  All well and good, but if you stare long enough you get the feeling that this too is really just a hook to keep you distracted while they do their real dirty work.

    You see, the psychonaut goes into this film fully armed with the full oeuvre of Judd Apatow, Seth Rogen and crew.  We believe in secret messages.  We know that anyone who can make Pineapple Express and Forgetting Sarah Marshall is going to be leaving plenty of breadcrumbs for like minded patrons.  So we watch Adam pop corn into his mouth six rows down and settle-in for a bit of nudge nudge, wink wink.

    And then Mr. Sandler’s character, absurdly being “talked to sleep” by Mr. Rogen’s character, critiques Seth’s ability to be funny: “Your generation had divorce, I’m sure it was tough, but its a whole different kind of funny when dad is coming after you with a baseball bat,” bing, you are in and the whole thing starts to unravel.  Comedy is a weapon.  Invented by little kids who needed some way to fight back.  And it all goes from there – every facet of life is some kind of battle and every way of living a kind of waging war.  And our heroes, in spite of all of their flaws and weaknesses – indeed because of them – are engaged in some kind of extended warfare.  Although one has to wonder and decode – where is this battle happening and who is doing the fighting?

    This is a story written people born in the sixties who have become pop culture machines.  Sandler can crank out hit movies with a signature everyman-dope-with-a-heart-of-gold-and-edge-of-darkness formula.  Apatow has responded with a reflection of that kind of success, but with a twist and a slightly more subversive set of ingredients.  These guys have all kinds of mojo.  And then you have the younger crew.  Rogen seems to have been going gangbusters since his partnership with Apatow in Freaks and Geeks and even Jason Schwartzman seems to be plugged into some kind of magic.  How did they come to be in this place that they are?  When they write a movie about themselves, what do they say?

    The younger crew of Rogen, Schwartzman and Jonah Hill is commenting on its generation and sub-cultures. They are lite and trite and just beginning to get a sense of edge.  Your roomate fucking the girl that you imagine you might ask out is a minor crisis and the worst thing you can imagine is choosing between a sell-out career and impoverished pseudo-authenticity (importantly, Rogen’s character has assumed a non Jewish name).  Pretty par for the course in an Apatow film.

    But then you layer in the older crew helmed by Sandler and Leslie Mann.   Their painful reality crashes right into the not-yet-having-been-there imaginings of Rogen’s youthful playhouse and fantasies of what life might become.  Sandler has achieved superlative success within the boundaries that his comedic weapons allow.  He can defend himself but good and can command a world of shiny things and shiny women.  He cuts through Rogens life like an exacto knife, simply by fiat hiring Rogen away to become his assistant and instantly immersing him in the life that Rogen imagines to be his ideal.  But Sandler’s life tastes like dust and even faced with the crisis of death and a surge of an effort to correct his bad decisions, he still finds himself lost in a game that can’t really be won.  To “reclaim” his “one true love” he must break up a family – and even while the flesh is willing it turns out the spirit is too weak for even this churlish act.  Turns out that in the end, maybe he didn’t get as far away from Dad’s bat as he thought.

    Its a bitter pill and one delivered nicely with the sugar coating perfected by the comedian.  And this starts to dig.  Remember, the haute critic doesn’t need to be reminded that these are the guys who have been the strongest advocates of the ganja since Bob Marley.  If there is some signal to be received from the higher perspective, it should be here.  So then you have to start linking the thing in stronger.  Think about the total circumstances.  Judd Apatow is a self-aware guy.  He grew up Jewish in New York, rubbing elbows as a teenager among the rising luminaries of the 80’s stand-up scene.  This is a guy who goes on the Daily Show and talks about masterbating to a Jon Stewart interview of neo-con Bill Cristol.  He understands the dark art of comedy.

    Funny People doesn’t exactly stare into the abyss.  But it looks deeply into the eyes of comedy and reminds us that the people who are most capable of making us laugh are often brutally damaged.  Folks like Bill Hicks and George Carlin and Richard Pryor were latter-day Frank Booth’s who gave us a shot of laughing-gas before they showed us the severed heads and tortured bodies that they were extracting from the subsurface of every-day culture.  At its best, Funny People is an homage to this practice and its practitioners.  A subtle reminder that there is something ancient and noble and dangerous in the role of Trickster.

    In the end, it reminded me a bit of an essay from F. Scott Fitzgerald quoted by Gilles Deleuze: “The Crack Up“.   [Now that, my friends, is a link - if you came back from that in one piece, more power to you.]  Sadly, Funny People is not quite to that level.  It is not a Divine Comedy (Unless my being in the actual audience with the creators themselves, the very people I am writing about implied something spookily more fundamental in its efforts),  but it is a nicely crafted mainstream-with-an-edge postmodern comedy.  And, as I’m walking out on the red carpet surrounded by famous faces that I recognize but don’t know, I’m quite certain that the entire experience would have greatly benefitted from some of Saul Silver’s best stuff.  Cheers!

    No related posts.


    Originally posted on:The Haute Critique

 

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