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GradysGhost Blog

  • Rating the unrated...

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    Earlier today I promised there would be more written on the subject of so-called "unrated" DVDs.  So here I am, fulfilling my obligations.

    In short, what's the point?  I saw an iMDB post about Epic Movie where someone asked what the difference was between the theatrical release and the DVD version of the "film."  Someone responded with a list about twenty items long that basically boiled down to more unfunny jokes than before.

    What it's all about - and we each already know this - is marketing.  And I for one hate it.

    A major reason many of us buy DVDs is because we liked what we saw at the movies.  So why change it?  Why not let the movie sell itslef?  Of course, in the case of Epic Movie, anything that could be construed as a selling point might be the DVD's only selling point.

    I can think of only one instance where a DVD labeled Unrated was worth it, and I think you'll all agree why.  Requiem for a Dream.  I believe the movie was released Unrated for DVD because it had to be censored for theatrical release.  It's the turn-around of the former stigma.  Instead of changing the movie for home viewers, it changed for theatergoers and finally found a way to be seen in its originally edited form in a market where MPAA guidance doesn't hold as much weight.  And I still find myself hyperventilating by the time Sarah Goldfarb is running down the sidewalk toward the TV studio.

    I sincerely hope that one of these days, I'll get to rent a movie at Blockbuster without having to watch an extended cut of what I already apparently thought was good in its original form.

    Tune in next week for a new "unrated" version of this post that's TOO LUSCIOUS for spout.com.  It'll contain SIX NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN WORDS!


  • That thing I rented...

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    I told them.  I told them both.

    "We have three free rentals from Blockbuster, " I said.  "Yes, it's Tuesday, and that means new releases.  But," I concluded, "you do not want me to get Epic Movie."

    But I was outnumbered two to one.  Overruled.  I should have said something.  I should have just not wasted a perfectly good free rental.  But alas, I care too much about my wife and my brother.  So I rented Epic Movie.  The "unrated" DVD (more on this subject to come later today) had a 93-minute running time, some six minutes longer than the theatrical release.  I hoped it was funny.  If not, it was only an hour and a half - a pretty short movie considering some of the epics I've seen.

    And that was just the first thing wrong with the movie.  If you're going to make a spoof (and this one is a spoof, not an homage) about epic movies, you should probably try and mimic the epic movies you're making fun of.  The Lord of the Rings trilogy ran about ten hours, and that's not including all the extra scenes you get on the extended cuts.  If Epic Movie ran ten hours, I would have shot myself.  Or choked on my own vomit.

    It doen't even make fun of epic movies.  Here is a brief list of movies that Epic Movie spoofs:

    The Chronicles of Narnia (The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe); Pirates of the CarribeanSuperman Returns; Harry Potter; various MTV shows/styles (i.e. Cribs, rap music videos).

    And here is a list of movies that might be considered epic:

    The Chronicles of Narnia; Troy; Lord of the Rings; The New World; Apocalypto; I might even throw in Star Wars.

    Please note that the only film listed in my Epic Movies list as well as my Epic Movie list is Chronicles of Narnia.  So here's the joke from the movie - They stumble through a mysterious wardrobe to find a land called Gnarnia.

    "The G is silent," says Lucy.

    "For legal purposes," says Mr. Tumnus.

    To follow the pattern here, I'll ape South Park and say, "SIMPSONS DID IT!!!"

    The movie is rife with these kinds of jokes.  Every single one of them falls flat on its face like a skateboarder or a gymnast tyring to perform stunts on a planet with three times Earth's gravitational pull.  Only watching skateboarders or gymnasts do that would be the more enjoyable experience.

    For the first time in my life, I've seen fart jokes fail to make me or my brother laugh.  It's because we were expecting them.  Other jokes that keel over like a drunken frat boy: vomit gags abound (pun intended); Lucy says everything the black chick says over and over and over again; apparently (and I didn't know this before), rap songs become funny when they are performed by pirates or Crispin Glover.

    I have a hard time believing anybody read this script before deciding to make the movie.  I guess there was enough there to market, enough interest in the movies it parodies, to be given release without much thought as to quality.

    Don't watch this movie.  Even though I said it was only ninety-three minutes, that's still ninety-three minutes I could have spent watching the other two movies I rented - Se7en and Pieces of April.  Hopefully, you should be hearing about those two soon, and hopefully they'll be better reviewed.

    (For the record, I have seen Se7en twice, but it's been a very long time since the last time I watched it.  I need to watch it again to be able to give it a fair review.)


  • When Advertisement Attacks!

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    Under discussion:

    Hot Fuzz  (2007)

    I went to see Hot Fuzz yesterday, and though I thoroughly enjoyed the movie, I had to scoff at the first twenty minutes or so of my theater experience.

    I sat down.  My eyes and ears filled up, not with Disney Channel music and a silly trivia question about movies that any spout.com user would laugh at, but with a CarMax commercial.  That's right.  Splayed out before me was a commercial for a reseller of cars.  After that, another commercial came on.  It was for a local restaurant.  Then I learned about Adam Sandler's upcoming movie, "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" which almost made me barf.  Almost.  And then it was another commercial.  And another.  And another.

    When did this start happening?  I can remember going to the movies and sitting down to watch fifteen minutes' worth of trailers before the feature, and I know I've seen commercials before movies before.  But when I went yesterday, it just seemed more excessive than it has in the past.

    And before you comment about how trailers are just advertisements, let me remind you that they're ads you want to see because they're advertising products you care about.

    This other stuff is getting out of hand.  I didn't pay $6.50 to watch vain attempts by some CEO to get me to buy a car from his business.  I paid for a matinee ticket to Hot Fuzz.  Honestly, I guess what I'm really so pissed off about is that fact that I get enough advertising at home when I'm watching cable or going online.  Why the hell do I need to pay for somebody to get me to spend my hard-earned cash at their business or on their product?

    But here's the real funny part.  At one point, an ad came up that said something to the effect of "Get your ad displayed in front of a different blockbuster every Friday!  Call <insert 800 number> today!"  WHAT!!!  An advertisement for advertisement!  How much farther can we go?


  • Homage vs. Spoof - Sponsored by Quentin Tarantino

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    Under discussion:

    Murder by Death  (1976)

    The Naked Gun  (1988)

    Scream  (1996)

    Scary Movie  (2000)

    Kill Bill Vol. 1  (2003)

    Dawn of the Dead  (2003)

    Spider-Man 3  (2007)

    Date Movie  (2006)

    Epic Movie  (2007)

    Have you ever seen Murder By Death?  I have.  I watched it last night.  It's a "dinner-and-a-murder" caper written by Neil Simon.  Really, it's almost a spoof of capers, but that's a hard call to make because capers are spoofs of murder mysteries.  Or homages.  One of the two.

    Where's the distinction?  Where does one cross the line between spoof and homage.  Lemme go to the dictionary.

    My Dictionary tells me that homage (which can be pronounced "hom-ij" or "ohm-azh") is "respect or reverence paid or rendered" and that a spoof is "a mocking imitation of someone or something, usually light and good-humored; lampoon or parody."  So the difference is respect?

    I beg to differ.  A spoof can be respectful.  Look at The Naked Gun: From the FIles of Police Squad.  The Zuckers and Jim Abraham (ZAZ as they have been known to be called) are clearly poking fun at cop movie and TV shows (since Naked Gun started out as Police Squad, a thirty-minute television program that only lasted six episodes).  But I think they do it respectfully.  As in the source material, the Naked Gun series' Frank Drebin always gets the bad guy at the last second, usually at gunpoint, and always gets the girl (who is always Jane).  Even though the films tend to disparage police since the main character is a bumbling idiot, they never seem to forget where they came from.

    Often with spoofs - and this has become painfully obvious lately with disasters like Date Movie and Epic Movie - entire scenes from original material will be played out by different actors.  One scene in Scary Movie (title trend duly noted, guys) even mentions that it's all just a scene from another movie.  How respecful is that?  If I recall, they even mention that movie's title - Scream, of course.  If respect had been eliminated from Scary Movie, I would probably have been the first to flare up in anger considering Scream is one of my all-time favorites, and probably one of the most brilliant horror films ever (I'll be talking about metafiction soon, methinks).

    In regards to homage, I'll provide the example Shaun of the Dead.  Two unsuspecting losers find themselves hungover in a town full of stupid, slow zombies.  The film pays respects to just about any zombie flick that came before it, most notably Night of the Living Dead.  The title, after all, is a play on one of Night's sequels and was probably a play on the popularity of Stuart Gordon's zombie flick released about the same time, Dawn of the Dead.  The difference between Shaun of the Dead and The Naked Gun (besides the fundamental fact that we're comparing cop movies to zombie features; I would compare it to Hot Fuzz, but I have yet to see it and it's just not fair to compare movies you haven't seen)?  Shaun of the Dead was executed more stylistically similar to the films it credits.  The Naked Gun series, indeed most of ZAZ's combined and individual efforts, have a style of their own.

    Also, when you laugh at Naked Gun or Scary Movie or Not Another Teen Movie, you're usually laughing at the idea that they really are making fun of something.  When you laugh at Shaun of the Dead, you're not.  The jokes are original.

    Maybe that's the root of it all - a spoof and an homage are really the same thing with only one difference.  A spoof needs to be funny (or attempt to be).  An homage does not.

    Humor doesn't hurt, as Quentin Tarantino has shown us.  I laugh when I watch Kill Bill.  Because it's a direct throwback to other movies that people adore and despise as much as any other, yet it feels so comfortable and natural to watch it.  You don't feel bad about laughing the way you do when you laugh at movies like Spider-man 3 in the middle of a theater full of people who seem to be actually enjoying it seriously (cue caterpillar-esque lip-quiver).

    Tarantino is a writer/director, though who makes me question his originality.  Does he actually write original screenplays and direct original movies when so much of each film he makes is grounded in movies made before his birth?  Does that make him derivative?  All he seems to do is make homages to other directors, but I like them all the same, even if I didn't like the movies they're referencing.  That must have something to do with the true nature of homage, then.  There's got to be something original in it.  I guess I would say that Tarantino is original by way of being derivative.  There's enough there to say, "This is just like that one movie!" but enough there to say, "This is definitely a Tarantino film."

    Wow.  I got pretty far astray from where I started here.

    Murder By Death - spoof or tribute?  Hard to say.

    Not to spoil the movie if you've never seen it, but at the very end, after all five detectives (who are all based strongly on other famous fiction detectives - Sam Spade, Hercule Poirot, Miss Marple, et al) make their wagers on the killer, and the butler is revealed to be Lionel Twain (Truman Capote), Twain actually stands up to reveal his motive was to get back at all the terrible endings to mystery novels and movies ("where the killer is a character who hasn't even been introduced until five pages from the end"), a screenwriting move that makes Twain's character completely break free of the realm of the movie.  Never before had it been mentioned that the detectives were actually based on other fictional characters.  You just assumed it.  Because it's a spoof.  Or an homage.  Or something.  It is this pivotal moment in the film that makes me unable to determine whether Murder By Death is simply farce or tribute.  The fact that Lionel Twain is played by Truman Capote - a real-life novelist who even wrote a book called In Cold Blood which was a real-life murder mystery - convolutes my brain with thoughts of metafiction (will get to discuss this later when my thoughts subside a bit).

    Because of the lack of distinction here, I can't give this movie anything but a mediocre rating.  But it really did make me think.  Something that most comedies can't make me do.

    I'm all confused.  Anybody have thoughts on this?


  • Mothra and analyzing B-Movies

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    Under discussion:

    Child's Play  (1988)

    Mothra  (1961)

    Twister  (1996)

    Godzilla [Film Series]  Production Year

    I came in early to work today only to find that the boss wouldn't let me clock in.  So I went to the breakroom and turned on the TV and clickered through the "Movie and Event" channels.  Everything was ending.  Why watch the last twenty minutes of a movie if you've never seen the first and second acts?

    But one movie was just beginning.  Mothra.  Get this.  An American visits an island near Japan where nuclear bomb testing took place years ago.  Somehow or another, it left these twin girls fully matured but only a few inches tall.  So the American steals them and puts them in a show for people to pay and see.  They sing well, you understand, and they're freaks.  But their songs have an underlying telepathic effect that calls upon the god those crazy miniature islanders worshipped - a giant moth called (you guessed it) Mothra (or Mosura in Japanese).  The giant moth wreaks havoc on a cardboard Tokyo for awhile Godzilla-style (no, seriously) until the girls are finally returned to it.

    So I got to thinking about the movie.  After all, I had an hour to do it and the only other thing on TV was Rachel Ray and I can't stand her.  It occurred to me that Mothra is really a way for the Japanese to voice their anger with we Americans for nuking their country.  See, an American came over and kidnapped some very small Japanese folks, then displayed them for money - a prime example of that capitalism stuff we all love so much - but the result of his actions was the destruction of the bulk of Tokyo.  To state it even more briefly: a self-proclaimed American displaying American traits portrayed in evil light uses said evil trait to bring about the destruction of Tokyo.

    I guess they forgot they bombed us in Hawaii.

    But that's okay.  We made a worse film about that.

    Enough.

    The point is, I saw something in Mothra that I didn't expect to.  I analyzed Mothra.  I analyzed a B-movie.  Is that possible?  That's one of the things I thought about before and after I clocked in.  I thought maybe I should define what a B-movie is, at least as far as my thought process (and this article) is concerned.  Like any genre film, a B-rated horror should meet certain criteria.

     - Involve a creature/monster/haunting of some sort - something supernatural, but tangible.

     - That creature (or whatever) should look really, really cheap onscreen.

     - Have bad acting or a poorly dubbed language track.  Take your pick.  For Mothra, the latter.  (For the record, have you ever noticed that it's difficult to judge the quality of acting when it's in another language?)

     - Contain poor, cheap special effects.

     - Begin as a bad script with a poorly constructed story arc and almost no subplot written by a guy who didn't get paid much.  (Notice how cheapness is a trend?)

     - At least one plot point must make absolutely no sense, even once you've suspended belief to adapt to the fact that you're watching a movie about a highly implausible creature.  (In Mothra's case - humans somehow survived nuclear fallout on the island and became tiny.  This is hard for me to believe, even though I'll believe a giant friggin' moth is decimating the vast majority of Tokyo, unstoppable even by some super-radio-heat-wave-ray-rifle-thingy.)

    Mothra meets these criteria.  So does Godzilla.  So do Child's Play and Plan 9 from Outer Space and Manos: the Hands of Fate.  So what is there in a B-movie worth analysis?

    I think to get to the bottom of this, you have to ask someone who's a total crappy movie nut.  Fortunately, you're in the immediate prescence of the Spout.com Filmblog of just such a one.

    Look beyond the crappiness.  That's the key.  B-movies are cheap.  Not as glitzy as Hollywood might make them.  Outdated.  Look past it.  Accept it as a genre in the same way that you categorize movies like The Poseidon Adventure and Twister with other "disaster flicks."  These are all films about disasters happening to unsuspecting victims.  They have their own criteria and "rules."  Yet we find a connection to Gene Hackman, the preacher who gives his life, in The Poseidon Adventure.  There's moral there.  There's commentary.

    So look through the title "B-movie," which I think gets a bad rap because one the major criterion for the aquisition of that title involves a certain magnitude of crappiness.  Mothra is still a story about Japanese people who are done a horrible injustice by an American.  Agree with the message or not, that's it.  Some would say I'm overthinking this, but what's a guy to do when he's got a couple of hours before the boss will let him on the clock?


 

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