My Man Godfrey ~ Capsule review.

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My Man Godfrey (1936)

MY MAN GODFREY

1936 – NR – 93 Min.

D: Gregory La Cava

S: William Powell – Carole Lombard – Eugene Pallette – Gail Patrick – Alice Brady – Jean Dixon

Criterion Collection DVD

Fullscreen / Dolby Digital Mono

Extras: Commentary – Outtakes – Radio Adaptation – Production Stills – Trailer

Powell is Godfrey, a ‘forgotten man’ living in the city dump until he is virtually swallowed up by the Bullock family during a scavenger hunt. Leaving a particularly strong impression, especially on Irene (Lombard), leads our pensive yet eager hero into employment as the new butler of the Bullock household. It is demonstrated almost immediately that living and working in said household requires the patience of Job. There’s the general day to day insanity to deal with (Nobody wants to claim the horse in the library?), as well as the stress brought on by Irene’s deviously calculating sister Cornelia (Patrick) and her constant plotting against Godfrey’s continued employment. Largest of all complications, however, is that Irene has fallen for the mysterious new butler, hard. When the truth about his past comes to light, the Bullock’s, and perhaps Godfrey himself, will never be the same. Though usually referred to as screwball comedy, My Man Godfrey is much more than that. The usual trappings are all present, social observation, satire, and yes, comedy, but nearly flawless direction combined with the talents of the exceptional cast come together to create something truly special. My Man Godfrey is an insightful, hilarious, profound, rewarding entertainment that deserves every bit of recognition it has and will claim. Lots of options will present themselves to those seeking to add this one to their collections, but the Criterion release is really the only way to go. Very highly recommended.

Posted Tuesday, August 12, 2008 3:49 AM by Diabolical_Shadow | with 0 comments

Hunting Creatures ~ Review.

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Hunting Creatures (2004)

HUNTING CREATURES

2004 – NR – 72 Min.

D: Oliver Kellisch & Andreas Pape

Could it all be only a terrible joke? No? Seriously? Fine then. Let’s just get it over with as quickly as possible. I’ll start with this up front; I am no fan of the ultra low budget German splatter film to begin with. Their appeal eludes me and this rectal projectile of a disc has done NOTHING to alter that opinion. A bunch of trench-coat wearing crooks hold the lamest rave in history at a site that has some sort of chemical stored in it. The raveites get infected, turn into zombies, and the criminals running the show team up with a couple of the scientists involved in order to, you guessed it, hunt them all down and kill them. One of the undead trench-coat dinks becomes an indestructible super zombie (and would-be rapist?!) because of an additional serum he was injected with. The following hour or so of this ugly, aggravating, shit storm is an incomprehensible blur of unbelievably cheap gore, sloppy looking zombies, painfully annoying dialogue scenes, and generic death metal. It took two separate breaks to be able to make it through this nearly intolerable excremental stink bucket in one night. At 72 minutes Hunting Creatures is exactly 72 minutes too damn long. Makes Zombie 90 look like damn Dawn of the Dead. Amazingly, two directors had to join forces to cut this digital fart. A career re-evaluation is definitely in order. This is absolute and unbearable crap and it’s finally time to flush; somebody light a match already. NEXT!

Posted Tuesday, August 12, 2008 3:23 AM by Diabolical_Shadow | with 0 comments

Araf: The Abortion ~ Capsule review.

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The Abortion (2006)

ARAF – THE ABORTION

2006 – NR – 97 Min

D: Biray Dalkiran

S: Akasya Asliturkmen – Murat Yildirim

Eda (Asliturkmen) is part of an interpretive dance troupe and, though already involved in a solid relationship, is having an affair with an older married man. She finds herself pregnant and wants to get rid of the baby but it’s too late. Eda decides to get one of those discount basement abortions and after a lot of screaming and blood, it’s done. Three years later she’s back with original boyfriend Cenk, (Yildirim), married, and once again pregnant. The trouble is, the ghost of the original child is not done with Eda just yet. As a matter of fact, the aborted baby is pretty offended by this new pregnancy and it’s now that Eda’s life (and sanity) begins to completely unravel. Terrific. A low budget Turkish horror movie attempting to emulate the already redundant style of several cinematic Japanese ghost stories. Sound bad? It is. Poor lighting is an annoying problem throughout and, even so, the crappy CGI is still irritating. If the subtitles are accurate then the dialogue is some of the most bizarre and nonsensical I’ve come across in a long time. The final five minutes of this pretentious slop just begin to raise interest, but then the payoff is something I’d expect from a lesser Night Gallery episode. The final insult comes during the closing credits, where you’ll hear music that sounds like Turkish Rammstein. Take a nap instead, you might anyway, just not by choice. Save a step… Skip it.

Posted Tuesday, August 12, 2008 2:41 AM by Diabolical_Shadow | with 0 comments

American Kickboxer 2 ~ Capsule review.

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American Kickboxer 2 (1993)

AMERICAN KICKBOXER 2

1993 – R – 91 Min.

D: Jeno Hodi

S: Dale ‘Apollo’ Cook – Evan Lurie – Kathy Shower – David Graf

Can you imagine a B-grade martial arts action movie that’s a mix of everything from 48 HRS to My Two Dads? Well, you don’t have to ‘cause here it is – kitchen sink and all. Lillian (Shower) lives the good life with ‘safe choice’ husband Howard (Graf) until her daughter Susie is kidnapped and a two-million-dollar ransom is demanded. She digs into her ‘bad choice’ past to beg help from both her ex-husband Mike (Cook) and her ex-lover David (Lurie). Mike is a pissed-off cop with a violent temper and David is a kickboxing playboy who ‘isn’t into violence’. Nobody knows for sure who actually fathered the child but everybody wants to get her back. David lands himself in jail but Mike needs help and reluctantly pulls a few strings to get the guy released. From this point on it’s non-stop martial arts mayhem. The true follow-up to American Kickboxer is a film called To The Death, but this hilariously muddled mess is an altogether different animal. Nearly every possible cliché is dragged out kicking and screaming during the running time. Cameramen are visible in long shots, dialogue is often out of sync, the generic soundtrack is grating, the acting is marginal at best, the ‘twists’ are predictable, it just goes on and on. The thing is, American Kickboxer 2 is such a disaster that you just can’t get enough. Fantastically entertaining for all the wrong reasons, AK2 should be considered required viewing for bad film fanatics.

Posted Tuesday, August 12, 2008 2:37 AM by Diabolical_Shadow | with 0 comments

Deadful Melody ~ Review.

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Deadful Melody (1997)

DEADFUL MELODY

AKA Six Fingered Strings Demon

1994 - Directed By: - Ng Min Kan

Starring - Yuen Biao, Brigitte Lin, Wu Ma, Carina Lau and Elvis Tsui.

Martial Arts Directors - Meng Hoi and Lee King-Chu

The melody that the title of the film makes reference to is the “Heavenly Dragon Eight Notes”. When played on the magical lyre by someone whose powers are great enough to control the instrument people in the area tend to explode. Six heroes of the martial arts world ally to get the lyre for themselves presuming that to control the lyre is to control the world of martial arts. They attempt to slaughter the family in possession of the prize but the youngest boy, Lun, is hidden from them in the fields. The daughter, Snow, is carrying the lyre with her and backed up against a cliff. When given the option of handing over the instrument to the people who just killed her mother and father or jumping off the cliff she decides jumping is best. The lyre is not heard from again.

Cut to 16 years later. Lun is now a man who has been raised by the Leader of “The Flying Tiger Security Company”. When we catch up to him we find out that he is about to take over the company and has no knowledge of those earlier events. On the same night that Lun takes over responsibility of the company Brigitte Lin shows up as a mysterious stranger with an equally mysterious package to be delivered. Of course those who have raised Lun know what the lyre is and what it’s capable of so the man Lun calls Dad decides to go with him on this escort. It seems like a matter of seconds before they are attacked for the first time and it just gets worse from there. When the package is finally delivered to Hon Suen it contains only the head of his son. This is about the time Brigitte Lin starts making herself, and the lyre, known to those around her. With Hon Suen out of the way there remain five colorful clan leaders desperate for the power of the “demonic strings” and five unpunished murderers that have become the target of Snows lifelong quest for retribution. Master Six Fingers is both anxious and short-tempered. Master Tong Fong Pak looks like a rock star. Master Ghost looks like your average hopping vampire. He isn’t, of course, but he could sure fake it if he wanted to. Master Fire is a mellowed by the years guy who seems at times obsessed with the lyre and at other times deviously contemplative. He has tried to relax but the draw of the lyre and the temptations of its power are just too much for him to completely resist. Master Fire’s student, Tam Yuet Wah, becomes Lun’s love interest. The final remaining clan leader is Ha Ching Fa, also known as “The Cold hearted Seductress”. She is meltingly beautiful and can yank your head of with her whip without even trying. Awesome.

Deadful Melody is a film based on a martial arts novel by Ni Kuang. Yuen Biao has always been, in my opinion, one of the most under-rated stars of Hong Kong cinema. Ti Lung and Lam Ching-Ying as well, but seeing as how they have nothing to do with this film… Biao has acrobatic skill unequalled by many and his martial arts abilities are unquestionably impressive. Biao is also a fine actor with an admirable range. None of these great qualities are really over exposed in Melody and that’s too bad. He is far from wasted but they never really let him shine. It’s a solid performance and certainly nothing to be ashamed of. Brigitte Lin is icy and mysterious as usual. Her trademark evil eye stare is well used in a tale of vengeance such as this and although there's the usual gender crossing with Lin there are also moments in the film existing simply to celebrate her enigmatic beauty. It’s a nice contrast that’s achieved. Wu Ma as Master Fire is also a real treat. The man has been working in films for so long it’s almost comforting when I see his name in the credits; he was also credited as the planner for this film. Elvis Tsui gives a very solid run as Tong Fong Pak and Carina Lau is endearing as the cocky and love stricken student. The only characters in the entire film I didn’t care for were the children of Master Ghost but they don’t have enough screen time to really get on the nerves.

This is a satisfying comedy-love-martial arts-revenge movie. The soundtrack by composer Wong Jim is both heroic and epic. There isn’t as much fighting as you might have come to expect from this genre of film - the big scene at the beginning, a couple of scrapes sprinkled throughout and the expected awe-inspiring finale. Deadful Melody is not at all hurt by this lack of interpersonal mayhem. There is such a lyrical (pun fully intended) vision to this one that it’s almost distracting. All of the photography has an appreciable fluidity with lots of low angles and the usual stunning color schemes. Never does Melody go over the top though, as much at home as that style serves a film like Green Snake, for example, it would be out of place here. They achieved a very satisfying balance in this respect. The hyper kinetic editing is also just right and works even during the few instances when speed film techniques are on display. Even though the ending of the film does come across as a little abrupt it’s not so much so that you feel you missed something.

Posted Monday, August 11, 2008 6:31 PM by Diabolical_Shadow | with 0 comments

Pumpkinhead: Blood Feud - Capsule review.

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Pumpkinhead: Blood Feud (2007)

PUMPKINHEAD 4: BLOOD FEUD

2007 – R – 95 Min.

D: Michael Hurst

S: Lance Henricksen – Amy Manson – Bradley Taylor – Lynne Verrall

The infamous battle of the Hatfields and the McCoys is dredged up yet again. Can a plot device so worn that it was old when The Flintstones used it contribute anything of value to the mythology of everybody’s favorite demon of vengeance? The feud between the two families has been raging for years. Despite this, Jodie Hatfield (Manson) and Ricky McCoy (Taylor) manage to fall in love. They sneak around and steal moments whenever they can. One night, Ricky’s younger sister is keeping watch for the oblivious couple when two Hatfield boys make a violent attempt to rape her. During her struggle to escape the sister is killed and Ricky ends up beaten as Jodie is driven off screaming. It should be no surprise what course of action Ricky chooses to take from here. Pumpkinhead is summoned and all hell is about to break loose at the Hatfield homestead. The first couple of murders are blamed on the McCoy’s so there’s rough confrontations before the reality of the situation is made clear. Understanding finally comes with help from the local sheriff who is himself all too familiar with the ways of Pumpkinhead, and he’s got the scars to prove it. Most everything I said about Ashes to Ashes goes for Blood Feud as well. Music, F/X, gore, pacing, and the fact that Lance Henricksen equals cool… period. Although we do get stronger and more relatable characters this time out, which helps considerably, the country-fried Romeo and Juliet storyline is so excessively familiar that… Well, they say familiarity breeds contempt. The series itself is dancing dangerously close to the precipice behind that adage as well. However, a first and ever-so-slight hint concerning Haggis’ back-story was a welcome surprise; one that might serve to bring needed freshness to a steadily ripening series. If you enjoyed Ashes to Ashes you should be safe enough with Pumpkinhead 4: Blood Feud. Other than that, it might be time to leave ol’ Pumpkinhead lay.

Posted Saturday, August 09, 2008 3:59 AM by Diabolical_Shadow | with 0 comments

Pumpkinhead: Ashes To Ashes ~ Capsule review.

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Pumpkinhead: Ashes to Ashes (2006)

PUMPKINHEAD: ASHES TO ASHES

2006 – R – 94 Min.

D: Jake West

S: Lance Henriksen - Doug Bradley - Douglas Roberts

A group of small-town degenerates desecrate corpses; they collect the skin and parts for profit (And Meth!). Occasionally they also harvest organs from unfortunate strangers who happen by. Among this villainous group is the mildly guilt-ridden Bunt Wallace (Roberts) who, in the original, pointed Ed Harley to the witch in the woods. Leading them is the local M.D. (who manages to stay inexplicably above suspicion). Everybody simply refers to him as Doc (Bradley – Try to spot the collection of Hellraiser puzzle boxes hidden in the Doc’s house!). After the discovery of the bodies, four outraged relatives of the defiled departed visit Haggis and Pumpkinhead is called upon to violently avenge those who have been wronged. Wisely choosing not to acknowledge the abysmal would-be sequel known as Blood Wings, Ashes to Ashes connects solely to the original. The atmosphere is not on par with that classic first installment, but it is fast-paced and interesting throughout. The poor CG is thankfully infrequent and takes a backseat to the many excellent physical effects. Pumpkinhead is still a cool creation and perhaps in a worse mood than usual as the kills are protracted and graphic. It’s always great to see Lance Henricksen, the story moves, the F/X (courtesy of Gary J. Tunnicliffe and friends) are strong, the direction is solid, and the soundtrack is moody as all get out. Unfortunately, the films biggest flaw comes from the fact that there’s nobody to really relate to or root for until very far along, and even then it’s a stretch. It’s all bastards and bad-guys, which keeps the viewer at a disadvantageous distance. Despite its flaws, this effort remains an entertaining watch. Though unable to reach the greatness achieved by the original, Pumpkinhead: Ashes to Ashes is still a good time and worth checking out.

Posted Saturday, August 09, 2008 3:57 AM by Diabolical_Shadow | with 0 comments

Pumpkinhead ~ Review.

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Pumpkinhead (1988)

PUMPKINHEAD is the directorial debut of Special Effects super-talent Stan Winston. Though this impressively smart horror fable is Mr. Winston’s first time up with the directorial bat, he knocks it out of the park. In less capable hands it might have been just another creature on the rampage flick that you end up forgetting about a week later. Instead, it’s a memorably imaginative nightmare fantasy containing both depth and wisdom. Not only was PUMPKINHEAD a truly solid monster movie, it also gave us a movie monster that was difficult to forget.

Ed Harley (Lance Henriksen) is a good and simple man of the hills who lives quite peacefully with his son Billy (Matthew Hurley). The two of them seem to be friendly with everybody and Ed does all right for himself running Harley Grocery. Things just aren’t all that bad for Ed and Billy (and their dog Gypsy); unfortunately, trouble’s on its way in the guise of some partying city kids heading up to a cabin getaway. Making their final stop at Ed’s store to load up on some last-minute provisions, a couple of the more antsy among the group decide that now would be a good time to grind some dust under the wheels of their dirt-bikes. It’s not the best idea they ever had, not by a long shot. Gypsy runs off into the hills where the bikers are tearing it up with high speeds and higher jumps. Billy chases after her only to be crushed under the wheels of one of the bikes as it lands. This accident results in his death. Joel (John D’Aquino), the A-hole responsible, runs to his car and takes off, nice guy. Seems Joel was in another, very similar, accident a few months back and this one could mean big trouble for him. One person does stay behind to explain but when Ed gets there, it’s distinctly clear that he doesn’t give a damn who stayed behind, who left, or who was at fault.

There’s a woman who lives higher up in the mountains known as Haggis (brilliantly personified by Florence Schauffler); it’s said that she has powers. Ed wants to see her, pretty badly. He finds out where she is and takes Billy’s body to her. Haggis makes for a genuinely fearful part of the surrounding atmosphere all by herself. She’s a witch that looks like she’s about two hundred years old, she speaks in a throaty and unnervingly raspy voice, and she has the power to summon demons. Ed knew that already, as a child he saw Pumpkinhead for himself. Now, Ed wants Haggis to call it up again, in his name, to take revenge for what’s been done to his son. The witch, she warns that there is a very high price to pay for doing such a thing, but it makes no difference, Billy Harley is dead and vengeance is what’s called for… no matter what the cost. Things need to be taken care of before any of this can be set in motion and Ed does all that is asked of him. There, high in the mountains, in the home of a witch and in the dead of night, Pumpkinhead rises once more. The outsiders have committed murder, and the demon lives again with a singular, macabre purpose… to return the favor. The young boy’s death may have been an accident, but that’s not going to make any sort of difference now.

Steve (Joel Hoffman) is the first of the demon’s victims and it isn’t something I’d refer to as a quick and painless death either. During that murder, while burying his son, Ed discovers a little more about the price that needs to be paid. It isn’t something he gets to just put out of his mind; Ed has to share in it, see everything that’s happening and feel it for himself. Turning back to the witch for help accomplishes very little; she explains that there is nothing she can do, "its gotta run its course now." Haggis explains that if Ed does try to interfere, not only will he fail, he’ll die and pay the final price just that much sooner. Ed comes to the painful realization that the decision he made was the wrong one. Unable to bear the guilt, it’s time to help those that are left alive, but it won’t be easy. After all, the demon came from him, it was brought back with his blood and his anger; they share more than just visions…

PUMPKINHEAD is technically brilliant and it’s obvious that Stan Winston had a very clear image of what he wanted to accomplish from the outset. You may think that a movie made by one of Hollywood’s top F/X guys would be heavy on set-pieces and light on everything else. In some cases maybe that’s true, but not here. PUMPKINHEAD has a lot of character and is well defined. It takes its time to get to the titular beast, but is never boring. Aside from the excellent pacing there are the equally impressive performances. Lance Henricksen is, in my mind, one of the greatest character actors of our time. The man has undeniable charisma on screen and he seems to play every role to perfection; his intensity here makes this no exception. It’s great to see George "Buck" Flower again and the rest of the supporting cast performs admirably. The cinematography is creative and the hills and woods seen throughout are used to maximize the mood. The creature itself is as impressive now as it was back in ’88, and although I would never refer to this as a gory film, it does have it’s inspired moments of violent, interpersonal mayhem. I’m especially fond of the scene where one character is impaled with a rifle and shaken up and down like a toy. The part where the survivors hide in an old church, figuring that a demon wouldn’t care to walk on holy ground (they‘re wrong and he does), is very stylish and worth mentioning. The soundtrack is dead-on; strings and harmonicas are featured and definitely accentuate the backwoods flavor of the picture.

I’m the furthest thing there is from an expert on mountain folklore but it’s a nice, unfamiliar way to get to the events of the story. The way things play out brought to mind some of the old stories I used to read in EC Comics or Creepy Magazine, that’s not to say it wasn’t original, because it was, though it definitely has a similar attitude to those great old tales of monsters and morality. It’s tragic, it’s creepy, it’s got a fantastic creature (And fantastic creature effects!), it’s exciting, it’s fun and it’s imaginative… Man, I just can’t seem to find anything negative to say about PUMPKINHEAD.

Posted Saturday, August 09, 2008 3:49 AM by Diabolical_Shadow | with 0 comments

Eyes Of A Stranger ~ DVD capsule review.

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Eyes of a Stranger (1981)

EYES OF A STRANGER

1981 – R – 85 Min.

D: Ken Wiederhorn

S: Lauren Tewes – Jennifer Jason Leigh – John DiSanti

Warner Brothers Home Entertainment DVD (Also released as part of the Twisted Terror Collection.)

Anamorphic Widescreen / Dolby Digital Mono

Decidedly unpleasant movie features Tewes (of Love Boat fame) as newswoman Jane Harris reporting on the recent activities of serial rapist/murderer Stanley Herbert (DiSanti). Harris expresses a special interest because her younger sister Tracey (Leigh) was viciously assaulted as a child and left deaf, blind, and unable to speak. As misfortune would have it, Jane discovers that the psychopath in question lives in the same twin-tower high-rise apartment complex where she now resides with her special-needs sibling. Her lawyer boyfriend initially dismisses Jane as paranoid so she makes a solo attempt to expose Herbert for the sicko he is. Before it’s over it will be Tracey who is once again in jeopardy. Sleazy situations abound. You’ll see no graphic rape but you’ll see the detailed beatings, weakening strangulations, and other humiliations that lead up to it in detail. A dog is thrown in only so it can be shown dead later on, it’s just that kind of movie. Not poorly made, technically, but still off the mark. Eyes of A Stranger is a slasher trying to disguise itself as an important thriller, even going so far as to loosely reference Hitchcock. Whether this was intentional or not is unknown. Regardless, such machinations do little to veil the truth…. This is just another sleazy time-killer… period. The good news is that this DVD release of Eyes of A Stranger is completely uncut and features all of Tom Savini’s previously unseen special effects intact!

Posted Friday, August 08, 2008 4:31 AM by Diabolical_Shadow | with 0 comments

The Last Married Couple In America ~ Capsule review.

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The Last Married Couple in America (1980)

THE LAST MARRIED COUPLE IN AMERICA

1980 – R – 102 Min.

D: Gilbert Cates

S: George Segal – Natalie Wood – Richard Benjamin – Dom DeLuise – Valerie Harper

MCA Universal Home Entertainment

Jeff and Mari (Segal and Wood) are a happily married couple that watch in disbelief and fear as all their friends separate or get divorced. Eventually questioning his own relationship and manhood, Jeff gives in to the advances of Mari’s slutty friend Barbara (Harper). Curiosity probably played a part in it as well considering his reaction to hearing about Barbara’s vagina tightening operation. And only 400 bucks, what they won’t think of next! Anyway, Jeff ends up with the clap so the truth comes out. Mari had been unfaithful in the past and these recent events bring all that out of the closet as well; now they too are separated and their seemingly novel status, referenced in the title, is in serious jeopardy. Soon, everybody is sleeping with, or trying to sleep with, just about anyone or anything moving. Oh yeah, watch for Priscilla Barnes in a small role. It all comes down to what happens at a birthday party (set-up before all the shenanigans) our troubled couple must throw for Frank (DeLuise). A party populated with hookers, porn stars, cross-dressers, and swingers from San Diego. Can the last married couple in America survive? Will you give a floating multicolored monkey fart either way? Though the film begins with the potential to become amusing and involving satire, it quickly degenerates into an emotionally challenged and morally bankrupt dirty joke with all the heartfelt insight of a discarded A-Team script. It’s a shame; Segal and Wood are both fine and have strong chemistry in their early scenes together, but past the halfway point it becomes increasingly difficult to give a damn what happens to them or anybody else in the story. Believable honesty and sincerity are not felt, on the contrary, virtually every character ends up looking like a self-possessed jerk by the time it’s over. For something similar (though far more rewarding) check out Bill Persky’s 1980 film Serial instead.

Posted Thursday, August 07, 2008 4:11 AM by Diabolical_Shadow | with 0 comments

Sex With A Smile review.

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Sex with a Smile (1976)

SEX WITH A SMILE A.K.A. 40 GRADI ALL’OMBRA DEL LENZUOLO

Directed by Sergio Martino

Italy

1976 – Approx. 104 minutes

“They’re the best pair of suckie-wuckie in the world!”

SEX WITH A SMILE is a collection of five unrelated vignettes focusing on burlesque-style bawdiness and slapstick comedy. The parade of immeasurably beautiful Italian women is the most obvious reason to acquire this title. However, there are some fun moments to be had if taken in small doses. As it is broken up into twenty minute stories (approximately), the best way to really enjoy this is to avoid over exposure; it’s a lot of silliness to take all in one sitting. It does have its rewards, though, for example: Barbara Bouchet, Edwige Fenech, Dayle Haddon, Giovanna Ralli and Sydne Rome. Rewards indeed!

The first story is called ONE FOR THE MONEY and features Barbara Bouchet as a woman approached with an indecent proposal. A man spots her on the balcony one day and rushes up to ring the bell. He has twenty million Lira in a briefcase and says that it can all be hers if she’ll sleep with him. She’s offended, naturally, and then they do it. It’s on the condition that she’ll never have to see him again. Fair enough. He comes back the next day with twenty million Lira more and says he needs one more replay before he is off to Australia. She flatly refuses. They do it again. The day after that she is at the airport waiting to pick up her husband, who is due to return, but she runs into the financially endowed pervert yet again. She insults him and walks away. They do it at the airport. There is a really sick twist at the end of this one but, don’t worry, you won’t read about it here.

Next up is THE BODYGUARD, my personal favorite of the bunch. It stars Dayle Haddon as a put upon woman who’s far away father insists that she have a bodyguard to protect her. The part of the bodyguard is played by (No, not HIM!) Marty Feldman. Yep, that’s right, Marty Feldman. He’s a carrot chomping (good for the eyes), bubble burping, imbecilic, over-achiever who takes his job all together too seriously. When the beautiful Marina’s thighs start shaking over an avant-garde artist and she wants some alone time, things get severely complicated. For openers, the potential suitor hits Feldman over the head with a baseball bat so as to get some peace but accidentally kills him. Or does he? Now, Marina (Haddon) is in even more danger than anyone feared. Lots of great sight gags (ho-ho) like the googly-eyed periscope Feldman uses while hiding in the pool. Have to love the frisking scene, too. “That’s funny, he doesn’t look Jewish”. This may be your one chance in life to see Marty Feldman frolicking about the fields in full hippie regalia. Can you really afford to let a chance like that slip away? I think not.

Now it’s CATCH IT WHILE IT’S HOT. Giovanna Ralli is a tempting Countess with a chauffeur that suffers so badly from his horniness that he is constantly putting the both of them in life-threatening danger, themselves as well as anyone else on the road. It doesn’t help that the humidity is so high, either. The Countess is constantly tormenting her driver by taunting him with her… assets. A peak of this, a flash of that, and soon this libidinous Sicilian “It’s my hot Southern blood! I can’t help myself!” can barely contain his passions. Still, no favors are granted. All is not as it appears to be though…

Fourth up is DREAM GIRL, the Edwige Fenech episode. She plays Emillia Chiapponi; she is everyone’s dream girl. The town nearly stops whenever she decides to take a walk. One man in particular (Tomas Milian, who is nearly unrecognizable in his role!), an uptight and anal-retentive nerd type, is especially tormented by this vision of beauty. He has… aggressive dreams about her. Eventually he begins to call her to talk about his suffering in hopes that it will help to cure him of it. It doesn’t. This man intrigues Fenech and it isn’t long before she wants to meet him in person. As usual, things don’t turn out exactly as anyone plans.

Last, and certainly least, is A DOG’S DAY. While looking over a potential new apartment for himself, the twitchy Adriano notices Marcella (Sydne Rome) on the ledge outside his window. He saves her by dragging her in and she is so over-whelmed by his caring and compassion that she clings instantly to him. Our accommodating gent is over-powered by his lust and they head back to her place for a bit of the old “horizontal bop”. There’s one minor complication however; her insanely jealous German Shepard, Othello, won’t let him anywhere near her. Soon, Adriano ends up hiding on the window ledge and even more hilarity ensues, I guess. I found it to be the weakest and the least interesting of all the stories.

It’s all sort of ridiculous and is certainly not the best place to begin nurturing an appreciation for European sex comedies. At its finest it’s an altogether average movie but it does have some funny moments and a catchy soundtrack provided by the De Angelis brothers. There is a sequel, made the same year, simply titled SEX WITH A SMILE PART 2. It’s more of the same and was also directed by Sergio Martino.

The end credits contain the following disclaimer…”Any resemblance to actual events or real persons living or dead is entirely coincidental…Who would believe it anyway?”

Posted Wednesday, August 06, 2008 3:43 AM by Diabolical_Shadow | with 0 comments

All The President's Men ~ DVD capsule review.

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All the President's Men (1976)

ALL THE PRESIDENT’S MEN

1976 – R – 138 Min.

D: Alan J. Pakula

S: Dustin Hoffman – Robert Redford – Jason Robards – Hal Holbrook – Jack Warden – Martin Balsam

Warner Brothers 2-Disc special edition DVD

Anamorphic Widescreen / Dolby Digital Mono

Extras: An entire discs worth.

Magnetic and thrilling tale detailing uncovering of facts in the Watergate scandal by young Washington Post reporters Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein. Movie brings every bit as much drama and intrigue to the screen as the unfolding story once brought into peoples living rooms. Viewers will be further drawn in by a talented group of familiar faces that are mesmerizing from start to finish. As much a detective story as a political docudrama, Pakula and company have crafted an important and relentlessly entertaining motion picture illustrating the power of the written word. Hoffman and Redford offer believable chemistry while the building sense of urgency and paranoia is as effective as ever. Holbrook is a scene-stealer as the shadowy informant known only as Deep-Throat. If you weren’t there you’ll certainly feel like you were by the time the credits roll. Excellent in every respect.

Posted Tuesday, August 05, 2008 12:36 AM by Diabolical_Shadow | with 0 comments

Fear No Evil review. Also written some time back.

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Under discussion:

Evilspeak (1982)

Fear No Evil (1980)

Trick or Treat (1986)

It was barely 1981 when then first-time writer/director LaLoggia unleashed FEAR NO EVIL upon the masses. Back then it was considered a bit of a sleeper hit but was mostly forgotten by the time the home video boom was in full effect. These days it seems to have a rather despicable reputation. I’m sort of caught in between. Seeing it in my youth I found it exciting and nerve-wracking. Re-visiting it as an adult has defined with aggravating clarity all of the shortcomings that keep it from being considered noteworthy. Some movies survive the transition from “then to now” much more easily than others and it seems that FEAR NO EVIL’s greatest downfall is that it does not accomplish this task well. It’s neither submersed enough in its own ephemeral era (that immeasurably strange time when 70’s changed into 80’s) to be a horror time capsule nor is it far enough removed from those same trappings to have the same appeal it may once have held for eager horror audiences. I have a terrific fondness for most horror stories that feature a beleaguered protagonist that breaks out in tremendous vengeance, EVILSPEAK or TRICK OR TREAT (1986) being shining examples of this. It’s hard to connect in that way here, though, since the lead just happens to be an evil incarnation of the Devil, albeit a distinctly effeminate and unthreatening evil incarnation of the Devil. You just know that he is going to strike back against his tormentors eventually, but when he does, it’s because he has become the antichrist, or whatever, so you are expected to switch gears and root against him now. Still, it’s satisfying to watch him exact his particular brand of vengeance. Aside from that the film is not the sleep-inducing misfire that many would have you believe.

Things start off with the engrossing words of an elderly priest who explains that he is one of the three warrior angels sent by God to destroy evil’s human manifestation on Earth so as to pave the way for the second coming of the creator. This is just the first step, though. He must be destroyed so that he can be reborn and destroyed yet again. Only then, it seems, is the eternal battle won. Both parties involved seem to understand this process and only the outcome of the final war is uncertain. Now we get to meet Andrew (Stefan Arngrim of LAND OF THE GIANTS). He is a shy and massively introverted straight ‘A’ student so everyone hates him. At home with his distraught parents he is king, running their lives into the ground, but not at school. Things change from weird to worse on his eighteenth birthday, having reached full maturity the evil within begins to break out. This is often demonstrated in the most bizarre ways; turning into a shadow, forcing his way into other people’s dreams, telekinesis, raising an army of the dead, that sort of thing. The girl he is obsessed with, Julie (Kathleen Rowe McAllen), might be the most recent reincarnation of one of the three angels of Heaven born to destroy him. The more he knows himself the more he suspects it, but she doesn’t know herself. The other two? One of them is a kindly old lady (Elizabeth Hoffman) who lives in the neighborhood and the other is the old priest from the prologue (Jack Holland) who has since passed away. Everyone concerned worries that this “incompleteness on Earth” will cause some complications.

Andrew’s problems at school are almost solely the work of punk-extraordinaire Tony (Daniel Eden). The scene where Andrew, naked and showering, is forced into a full and deep kiss by Tony (equally naked) brings bullying to new lows. Another fun gym class moment comes when Andrew, perturbed at having to do push-ups for being late, causes a rubber ball thrown by his hyper-excitable teacher to hit a classmate so hard that it crushes him to death. These types of incidents become more frequent as days go by. You get the idea that Andrew has come to terms with his identity and purpose when you watch him kill a dog, squeeze all the blood out of the wound into a golden cup, and drink it down with enthusiastic moaning and quivering. Eventually, events reach their climax during a public presentation of “The Passion Play” when, as the actor portraying Christ is supposed to be crucified… he is crucified! The Crown of Thorns wrings tightly around his head while blood flows and actors scream. By the time the audience figures out what’s going on it’s far too late to do anything as zombies (cool make-up) climb from their graves to tear apart anyone they can get their decayed and rotting hands on. While all this is going on the final confrontation will take place and the fate of all humanity will be decided amidst a massive flurry of brightly colored optical effects.

Without doubt this was an ambitious project from the start, perhaps a little too ambitious. The subject matter is fine and the execution of the whole thing is carried out with a decent amount of moody atmosphere and competency. The biggest problem is with the pacing – uninteresting and unnecessary scenes pollute the film and constantly dilute what could have been a decidedly disquieting experience. In the end there are a lot of memorable moments that just don’t connect the way they should. It never becomes silly or unintelligent, just awkward. I can recommend giving FEAR NO EVIL a watch, but hold off on that purchase until you do.

Posted Sunday, August 03, 2008 2:12 AM by Diabolical_Shadow | with 0 comments

Junk (1999) review. Written about 6 years ago.

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Under discussion:

Zombi 3 (1988)

Score (2000)

Wild Zero (2000)

Versus (2000)

Junk (1999)

Stacy (2001)

It seems like it happened when nobody was looking, the return of the zombie film. They’ve been popping up all over the place. Heck, even the local Cineplex 47 near the mall has been showing ‘em. Great news indeed. Especially for all of us who’d prefer to see the fat zombie on that abandoned boat in the harbor get shot again… rather than resigning ourselves to another evening of “I Screamed On Halloween When I Heard The Legend of The Witch Who Knew What You Did Last Valentine’s Day… Part IV”. It may lead to a surprising revelation to stop and think, for a moment, about who it is that has left the deepest bite-marks upon the neck of this most beloved sub-genre as of late. It’s not Italy, it’s not America and it’s not Spain. Who’s left? Japan, that’s who. They have unleashed some of the wildest, weirdest and wettest zombie films seen in over a decade. Witness the savage and uncontrolled excesses of Wild Zero (2000), Stacy, or Versus (2000), and you’ll see what I’m getting at; anything can, and usually does, happen in these films. Not since zombie-maestro Lucio Fulci was in his prime have I been this excited about the cinematic undead!

Junk (1999) opens in a familiar way. Well, familiar if you’ve seen Zombie 3. Pretty much the same goings on here with a few significant differences. The corpse set for re-animation is a pretty (pretty naked…) Japanese woman. Also, instead of just sitting up and scaring everybody, she rips the throat right off of the doctor (horrible Caucasian actor, by the way) in charge. When I was first told about this, it was described to me as “the Japanese Zombie 3”. Yeah there’s the opening scene and a few other things as well but believe me Junk is its own entity. The military is behind all of the experiments that led to the incidents (of course) that opened the film and now they need some help to cope before it all gets out of control. They turn to Doctor Nakata. He was originally one of the inspirations for the creation of the serum that brings the dead back to life, called DNX, but with its dangerous properties and the militaries misuse of his creation, he decided to leave it all behind and go for a normal life. Didn’t last long.

While all of that is being sorted out we meet a group of would-be criminals, three men and a woman who are about to rob a jewelry store. After it’s done they call Ramon (Tate Gouta). Ramon is the prerequisite Yakuza bad ass with piercing eyes, long silver hair, tattoos covering his body and a vibe similar to a cobra about to strike. Sort of accurate really. His intention is to screw over these amateur hour criminals and keep all the jewels to himself. Ramon tells the group to meet him where? Yep, the “abandoned” factory that’s out of the way of everything. The same place, of course, where the dead now walk.

Cut back to the military now, Nakata insists that they use the computer systems fail-safe. He wants to blow the place to shit. It takes some convincing but the General goes for it. They set the timer and… and… well, and nothing. The clothing-impaired female zombie from the opener has shut down the system locally, leaving a message for Nakata in the process. It’s a message he understands and within moments he is on board an Army chopper heading for the factory. He knows who she is and she knows who he is. Without saying too much more, they had a life together… before. She is not an ordinary zombie, nope, not even close.

As all these little side stories come together the proverbial shit really begins to hit the fan… hard. Saki (Kaori Shimamura), the female criminal (who despises men) and Akira (Osamu Ebara), the drug using small-timer who Saki may have a “thing” for, are soon on their own against Yakuza with big guns, zombies with big teeth, and even zombie Yakuza! That isn’t all though. That female undead (now leather clad), like I said, isn’t your average everyday shuffling maggot bucket. With each “death” (for lack of a better term) she becomes progressively stronger. Even the old standby, a bullet through the brain, only manages to piss her off. When Nakata shows up to put her down once and for all and meets up with Saki along the way (who is definitely of the “I’ve had enough of this crap” mindset), oh yeah, it’s on baby.

Atsushi Muroga was previously behind the derivative 1995 action/crime flick Score (2000) (wrong date listed in link) and some of that influence carried over into this project, which is a good thing. Yes, it’s creepy, moody and atmospheric but it’s also been meticulously balanced with drama and action. These action scenes, like the robbery for example, are amazing to watch. With low angle slow motion intensity and fast pans mixed with high impact violence, these moments leave you remembering them. At the same time, the smoky, backlit corridors feel like they are actually closing in on you. Muroga doesn’t miss any of his targets. Now this is a zombie picture right? So there’s going to be at least a little gore right? Wrong. There’s a LOT of gore! Throats are chewed, torn, ripped and impaled. Heads are removed, shot, splattered and rolled down stairs. Guts are strewn, chomped, ripped out and seem to drip down nearly ever wall in the place. Like his previous outing, this film is full of a bunch of things that you’ve seen before that probably shouldn’t work but… it works. Versus seems to be the film with all the hype yet Junk hasn’t really gotten any of the recognition that it so rightly deserves. It’s violent, filled with strong performances (English actors not withstanding), moves faster then a go-go dancer on amphetamines and delivers on every level, technically and emotionally. You can’t ask for more than that. The tagline is “Everybody Fights” and that’s accurate.

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