Rent.
Here are the undeniable truths of life, as they relate to the film version of RENT:
1. The story has not aged well. And no, little RENTies, this does not mean we've cured AIDS and ridden ourselves of poverty in 2006.
2. Spoken dialogue lifted directly from song lyrics is, to the ear, like a 2nd grader's haiku assignment and should be avoided at all costs.
3. Rosario Dawson, not trained as a singer, should never have been allowed to attempt one of the most vocally challenging roles in modern Broadway history.
4. All emotional, social, and political impact was surgically removed from RENT prior to filming.
5. In film, we get to go places and do things, of which a platonic, arm-swinging jaunt through Central Park in our spring finery does NOT count.
6. We can portray orgies on screen (EYES WIDE SHUT, THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE) as long as they're either a. predominately lesbian in nature, or b. a piece of artwork that magically comes to life. If it's AIDS-related dementia, well, even if it propels the story...what would folks in Topeka think?
7. Benjamin Coffin the Third, we hardly knew ye. When the antagonist of any story is all but erased, whatever will the protagonists do?
8. How many unemployed and nearly homeless folks in NYC do YOU know that can afford to while the day away in GAP's winter collection, singing and dancing atop their Pottery Barn stainless steel top dining set?
9. Chris Columbus is a mindless, talentless hack of a director who should never, EVER have been granted the honor of directing what should have been one of the year's most important films.
10. Two stars for casting (mostly) original cast members...and I still love those songs.
(D+)