Words cannot describe how horrible this movie is. Popeye is the single worst movie I have seen since I have started keeping this blog, and is only the third film I have ever given zero stars to. It ruined the career of Robert Altman, who due to its failure spent most of the eighties making low-budget adaptations of plays for television, and its not hard to see why. It looks like he lost his sanity.
To Altman's credit, I doubt anyone could have made a good live-action film of this material. Whose idea was this? Were there millions of crazed Popeye fans clamoring for a movie adaptation? I have never read the comic strip on which inspired the character (I don't know if it even runs anymore), but I did watch several of the cartoons as a kid, and I remember liking them (when I was nine or ten). They had a certain kinetic appeal to them and Popeye was an unlikely hero, always saying strange things under his breath and existing in a slightly surreal world.
But what might be fun in a seven minute cartoon intended for kids becomes something different in a two hour film ostensibly intended for everyone. Having a real actor play an iconic cartoon character is an impossible proposition- they can never the capture the magic of the animated medium. I have never been a fan of Robin Williams comedy, but I don't blame him for the movie's problems- no actor could have accomplished such an accomplished task. Could Sean Penn successfully play Mickey Mouse?
Altman has had his actors made up to look like cartoon characters, which makes everyone look either grotesque (if the makeup succeeds) or underwhelming (if it doesn't). Williams just looks a stroke victim with one eye closed and one side of his mouth jammed shut. Instead of being menacing, Bluto (Paul Smith) bears a striking resemblance to Francis Ford Coppola. Only Shelley Duvall as Olive Oil comes off as actually reminiscent of the cartoon character, but I'm not sure that it's a compliment.
Altman loads the movie with some inane, childish humor with characters consistently falling over (with that annoying whistle sound you hear cartoons), and then, apparently to make sure he keeps his auteur cred, adds some jarring adult humor at inappropriate places. I didn't need this movie at all, but I really didn't need to see the scene where Popeye and Olive Oil visit a brothel or where the sailor tells his mate that her name "sounds like a lubricant."
The movie doesn't work from frame one. The whole tone of the movie is flawed. In order for something like this to work at all, it needs to adopt a tone of sincerity. Dick Tracy worked because Warren Beatty treated his comic strip world complete respect, dealing with the material on its own level. The problem is that Altman's film are about destroying sacred cows and deconstructing genre conventions, so he was a uniquely poor choice to make a movie like this, which needs to be sincere if it has a chance at all at working.
I haven't mentioned yet the movie is also a musical, with songs composed by Harry Nilsson. They don't add anything to the movie at all and aren't catchy. Williams mostly talks his way through his and Duvall, although a great actress, is frankly a poor singer.
Oh, and the movie looks ugly, too. The film was a co-production of Paramount and Disney and the studios spent big bucks to build an entire village on the island of Malta. Too bad it looks ugly and Altman's cinematographer made everything look so dark you're surprised the characters don't fall into the sea.
Did I mention how much I hate this movie? Reviews were so bad on its original release that it was pulled from theaters after only a few weeks (even though it did well initially), and Altman would never be trusted with a big budget movie again, and spent years trying to climb out of the hole he dug with Popeye. And looking back at what I've written, I still haven't captured how annoying and wrong headed this disaster is. I would have liked it better if in the first scene, Popeye had eaten some spinach, beaten the shit out of the studio executives who green-lit the movie, and then let everyone go home.
Popeye (1980)