honest to blog

The movies from 2007 that have absolutely no redeeming value.

46. BLADES OF GLORY - Wil Ferrell, Will Arnet, Amy Poehler and the lovely Jenna FIscher. WHAT THE **** WENT WRONG?

45. GHOST RIDER - The character looked cool. Wes Bentley did not. MSJ, step away from the PREACHER slowly with your hands up!

44. I THINK I LOVE MY WIFE - Chris Rock is probably the funniest man on the planet. Tell someone else to write his movies (and not Louis C.K.).

43. SMOKIN’ ACES - Let’s face it, NARC was a fluke.

42. THE EX - Shudder. Would be up next to Blades Of Glory other than the fact that stars Jason Bateman and Zach Braff.

The rest. No matter how far down the list they are, I will be able to revisit every single one of these movies and enjoy at least one aspect of them.

41. CATCH AND RELEASE - Nothing offensive here other than a formulaic script.

40. RENO 911: MIAMI - Never watched the show, but went because it was on the cheap seats. I laughed. Secret weapon (of almost any comedy in the last few years): Paul Rudd.

39. FANTASTIC FOUR: THE RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER - Suffers from the exact same problems the first one did. With slightly better action sequences. Mr. Story, step away from the first family slowly, with your hands up!

38. BLACK SNAKE MOAN - Yes, it was skillfully directed and acted. Did anyone give a shit about this script??? It sorta kinda sucked ass. By sorta kinda, I mean SUCKED.

37. I AM LEGEND - Would have liked a little more, if Big Willy was being attacked by something other than cgi monsters.

36. SPIDER-MAN 3 - When I started to make this list back when it was list time, this was much lower. At the time, Silver Surfer was beating it. Cocouldn’t let that happen! So I watched it again. Phew. It’s not really all that bad. Yeah, a little too much crying and forgiveness, but the only truly awful thing in the movie is Topher Grace. Now, I’m not blaming the Topher, he did what was he was contracted and told to do. But that whole part of the script is just plain awful. The rest is quite fun.

35. THE LOOKOUT - By all means not that great of a thriller, but I had a lot of fun based on cast alone.

34. LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD - God, if this movie didn’t star John McClane, I never would have sat through it. Stoopid action is stoopid action. Stoopid action with John McClane is retarded fun.

33. HOSTEL: PART TWO - I liked it. Ambitious, something I can’t seem to think of any horror sequel has been in the last forever. It fails, but damn does it try!

32. STARDUST - I was bored to shit during the first few minutes and then all of sudden started giving a  shit. Don’t know why or where exactly it happened, but damn I had alot of fun with this movie.

31. BEE MOVIE - Pure Jerry. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

30. YEAR OF THE DOG - I may not revisit it that often, but I thought this was a hysterically sad film with a great award worthy performance from Molly Shannon.

29. THE MIST - The biggest disappointment of 2007. There are things to like about it. There are plenty of things to hate about it.

28. OCEAN’S 13 - A fun caper.If I hadn’t seen 11 and 12, would care so much more.

27. WALK HARD: THE DEWEY COX STORY - It trys really hard. Oh well, still funnier than half the comedies out there.

26. THE TV SET - So much funnier than the movie above (also by director Jake Kasdan), but limited in terms of scope. Will work better on TV (irony?).

25. THE SIMPSONS MOVIE - A solid turn for televisions first family.

24. WAITRESS - Yes, Keri Russell is a star (and overlooked at the end of the year). Now can someone please make Nathan Fillion one????? I miss you Adrienne.

23. TRANSFORMERS - I like it when big robots beat up other big robots. Sue me.

22. RESCUE DAWN - I got nothing to say here.

21. STEPHANIE DALEY - A great central performance from Amber Tamblyn should keep her working for some time to come. Skillful direction of horrible subject, when it’s able to break away from two people talking in a room. Best music cue of the year: The Wrens - Everyone Choose Sides during the most harrowing scene of the year. I’m pissed, I’ve wanted to use that song in a movie since it came out 10 fucking years ago. DAMN.

20. THE BREAK UP - I never thought this would make any list (unless said list covered all the moves of the year). It’s great. It does everything a romantic comedy is supposed to do except... and that’s what makes it great. I think I officially give a shit about anything Peyton Reed touches. Imagine what his Fantastic Four movie would have been...

19. MICHAEL CLAYTON - While certainly not my idea of Academy Award worthy, a tight little thriller starring the only goddamn star that matters.

18. GRINDHOUSE - Don’t blame me Tarantino, you get rid of the shitpile that is Planet Terror, and you’d be in the top ten (if not five!). Not my fault.

17. Ratatouille - Brad Bird does it agian.

16. BREACH - A better thriller than Clayton with a overlooked performance from Chris Cooper. This movie made me a Ryan Phillipe fan. I kinda hate it for that.

15. SUNSHINE - Starts out strong and ends... not so strong. Turns a little standard in the last half hour, but is still totally engrossing.

14. MARGOT AT THE WEDDING - Sometimes I like to hate myself. And you. Noah Baumbach movies make that possible. Thanks Noah.

13. THE DARJEELING LIMITED - Anderson shows Mr. Baumbach he didn’t need his help on the last one, since that didn’t make anyones list. For good reason. Heart and soul of this movie: Adrian Brody. Creep factor: Owen WIlson’s character talking about his suicide attempt. Now, Mr. Anderson, I ask you to put away your Glass family love, and make a movie about normal people. Can you do it?

12. THE KINGDOM - I’ve loved Peter Berg since Late For Dinner, but I had no idea he’d turn into a really kick ass director. This is a glossy Hollywood thriller that works.

THE TOP TEN:

11 / 10. KOCKED UP / HOT FUZZ - Yep, I’m cheating. I can’t decide. So why do it?

9. GONE BABY GONE - This is kinda a glossy Hollywood thriller that works. But the stuff that works so well, would never fly in a truly Hollywood thriller. Kudos Ben!

8. INTO THE WILD - I’m a bit biased as this is based on one of my favorite books (one of my favorite gifts I’ve ever gotten), and I’ve thought about how I would have made a movie out of it since the day I read it. Sean Penn shows my imagination I knew nothing about how to make this work as a narrative. Great performances all around, directed by a man who has truly became a gifted filmmaker in his fourth try out (no disrespect to The Indian Runner, a movie I love, but more because of script and performance than direction).

7. THERE WILL BE BLOOD - If ever there was a category for most matured since the last time out, it would go to the other Mr. Anderson. Everything they have said is true (even some of the flaws). Even though it’s this far down the list, in ten years, it will still probably be on the best of the decade list as I get more viewing. Weak link: Paul Dano. His performance is good, if not great, but next to Lewis it seems like child’s play, especially in the films climatic moments.    

6. THE ASSASINATION OF JESSE JAMES BY THE COWARD ROBERT FORD - The best western since Unforgiven. Brad Pitt has never been better. **** the academy, this is no supporting turn...    BEST ACTOR OF 2007: CASEY AFFLECK (sorry Daniel).

5. NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN - Thank you lord for returning me the Coens. Is Josh Brolin a star now??? Cause that would be cool.

4. THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM - Paul Greengrass made a movie, I made a list. If they never make another, perfect. If they decide to come back and make another, perfect.

3. 300 - It’s just that good.

Now, The Michael Cera double feature:

2. JUNO - I have a hard time putting this at two. A really hard time. I’ve seen it six times in the theater (a seventh viewing is planned for this week). It’s a movie that I love more and more with every viewing and find more to love every time. While the script goofs up for a second in the first 5 minutes, after that, it’s perfect. Diablo deserves her academy award. It couldn’t come alive without Jason Reitman. He does everything right. Casting, music, camera placement, it’s all on. I can go on and on and on about this movie.      BEST SCREENPLAY OF 2007: Diablo Cody     BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS OF 2007: JENNIFER GARNER     BEST ACTRESS OF 2007: ELLEN PAGE    BEST DIRECTOR OF 2007: JASON REITMAN (sorry Coens, in a just world, you would have won for Fargo and lost this year).

1 MOVIE OF 2007 - SUPERBAD

It really hurts me not putting Juno here. Like I have butterfly’s right now just typing this. But I did not have more fun at the movies last year than this comedy. While over the top in the Fogel story, it’s a perfect compliment to the "real" segments. Jonah Hill and Michael Cera are perfect as friends who are about to be split up and it gives this "lets get alcohol and get laid" story so much heart. Did I mention it’s really fucking funny? I mean REALLY fucking funny.

 BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR OF 2007: Javier...oh wait... CHRISTOPHER MINTZ-PLASSE.

as for the rest:

BEST ALBUM OF 2007: The Fratelli’s - Costello Music

BEST COMIC OF 2007: Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season Eight

BEST TELEVISION OF 2007: Lost Season 3 (narrowly beating The Office).

that’s all she wrote folks.